Observing conflict can make it easy for you to pick their pattern

Is conflict on today's agenda?

Here, Elizabeth Hunter™ compares your bedrock principles with how you go when angrily locking horns (conflict).
You can identify WHAT REALLY PISSES EACH PATTERN OFF
You can identify TOXICITY BY EACH PATTERN.
**** This page is all about CONFLICT and CLASHING with others ****

Oxor Titanium Imposition™ - The Master Guide
Oxor Titanium Imposition™ cn only be used after you have worked out the other person's Disc.
Elizabeth Hunter™ shows how, as the imposer, you can De Esteem™ each behaviour type below by doing the opposite and how you will go if you have been De Esteemed™ - finding yourself in a position of situational low self-esteem.

Clients and advanced users know that one of the best ways to pick someone's pattern is when someone is applying pressure or is under it.

The Oxor Clash Table™ shows how each pattern is likely to clash with the other patterns.

It is no surprise that the Idealists, the Social Justice Warriors, have more clashes. This conclusion comes up again and again - the Persuader, Promoter, Agent and Investigator with the Promoter the club house leader. This correlates with the vast experience of Elizabeth Hunter™.

We have some sage advice on clashes between Democrats and Republicans, or equivalent.

At the foot of this page is some very clever characteristics of the passive-aggressive person. And the person who belittles you; puts you down. And toxicity. Toxicity is mentioned on many other pages as it is so common. We have all run into those types along the journey.

You will most likely need assistance :-) This might tell you what but it will not tell you how.

Conducted and composed by Modern Maven Elizabeth Hunter™ - Last Update April 3, 2024

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Oxor™ Ez to Pick Signs of a TOXIC person:
1. Leaving you emotionally drained after interactions.
2. They use their friends as the butt of their jokes to impress people. The second someone confronts them about it, or jokes about them, they get upset.
3. If you need to talk about something upsetting to them and the person makes it all about themselves, not even trying to look as if they care.
4. Compulsive lying, refusing to take NO for an answer, excessive dependency, disregard for what is important to others in favour of what is important to them.
5. When they are only happy when they can make the people around them miserable. Also, when they ask you a question, knowing the answer they want to hear. Give them an honest answer and they flip out. Another, they do not hear what you actually say but put some negative spin on it effectively putting words in your mouth that you actually did not say.
6. Nothing is their fault. All the bad things in the world happens to them, but it is never their fault.
7. They do not even have to be a bad person. Just bad for you. It is when seeing them causes you more stress than happiness.
8. Self absorption, inflated sense of self importance, selfish, greedy, a master manipulator, lies about everything, etc.
9. Constantly bringing up your past mistakes to maintain control over you.
10. Selectively reaching out when they need assistance but ignoring your needs.
11. Putting others down to boost their own self-esteem.
12. Displaying a sense of superiority and entitlement.
13. Avoiding responsibility for their actions and life choices.
14. Ignoring boundaries and lacking an understanding of personal limits.
15. Demonstrating a lack of empathy towards others.
16. Attempting to manipulate and control through guilt trips.
17. Refusing to apologize for their behaviour.
18. Easily experiencing jealousy.
19. Offering compliments with a hidden negative undertone
20. Being excessively defensive.

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Self-Image: The conception that one has of oneself, including an assessment of qualities and personal worth.

Self-Esteem: A feeling of pride in yourself.

Self-Respect: A proper sense of one's own dignity and integrity.

Self-Confidence: A confidence in one's own powers, judgment, etc.

Situational low self-esteem: A nursing diagnosis, accepted by the North American Nursing Diagnosis Association, defined as "a negative perception of self-worth in response to a current situation".

Think of being humiliated or being made to look silly or feeling you are a 'Non-Person™' (having been De Esteemed™) because of differing beliefs. These include sex, politics, spiritual beliefs, beliefs in the occult, sporting teams followed, hobbies and interests, fashion sense, vacation preferences and so forth. Included also is the situation when even if all you have is no interest whatsoever in the subject at hand. Issues over the circumstance partially or totally destroys the association with another party when 'agreeing to disagree' would preserve it.

De Esteeming™ is frequently a method of operation of the Idealists grouping - Promoter, Persuader, Investigator and Agent. Group A1 below. When you disagree with them.

It would appear that the groups align politically as follows:
Artisan: Communist - but only in the real sense of pure Communism where there is not even any government to enforce it.
Guardian: Conservative - typically have the principles of community, family, duty and honour.
Idealist: Liberal - that everyone should be equal in every regard. That life is fair, when clearly it is not.
Rational: Libertarian - principles are only what can be logically concluded and articulated. Skeptical.
All have the problems with kakistocracy; a government that is ruled by the least suitable, able or experienced people in a state or country. Can also apply to business, sport, not for profits, the Queensland Justices Association and Owner's Corporations.

Basic approach to handling conflict:

1. Calm each party down – best handled by extraverted feeling.

2. Asking what got each party to this point – best handled by extraverted feeling.

3. Knowing what each party really wants – best handled by extraverted feeling and thinking.

4. Seeing how each of the wants stated by both parties can intersect with each other – best handled by extraverted thinking.

5. Showing each party’s point of intersection. Showing them how they can create a win-win(-win) situation for all sides – best handled by extraverted feeling and thinking.

Research indicates that Inspirationals, Promoters and Persuaders are very hard to beat in conflict. Practitioners live in a frictionless environment. Perfectionists tend to be the most difficult if in the role of the customer.

Best and Worst

The Director and Developer are ideal at solving conflicts as they have extraverted thinking as their primary cognitive function.

The Persuader and Appraiser have extraverted feeling as their primary cognitive function. This placement enables them to complete the above tasks with ease and with comparatively better mastery.

Other patterns are able to solve conflict. With proper input and collected data, those with introverted thinking and introverted intuition can be effective in negotiations.

The following table shows how each behaviour pattern's self-image is based.

SELF-IMAGE
Artisan
Guardian
Idealist
Rational
Pattern
3 Results
1 Director
5 Persuader
2 Developer
Pattern
12 Achiever
14 Objective Thinker
10 Investigator
16 Enhancer
Pattern
8 Counselor
6 Appraiser
7 Promoter
4 Inspirational
Pattern
9 Specialist
13 Practitioner
11 Agent
15 Perfectionist
Self-Esteem
Artistic
Dependable
Empathetic
Ingenious
Self-Respect
Audacious
Beneficent / do good
Benevolent
Autonomous
Self-Confidence
Adaptable
Respectable
Authentic
Resolute
Politics
Communist
Conservative
Liberal ('equal / green')
Libertarian
 
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The following table shows the four temperaments based on observation of others actions.
[A1] Cooperative tools trying to get what they want by getting along with others and use abstract words.
[A2] Cooperative tools trying to get what they want by getting along with others and use concrete words.
[B1] Utilitarian tools trying to get what they want in the most effective way possible; tools that promise success with minimum cost and effort whether or not they observe social rules and use abstract words.
[B2] Utilitarian tools trying to get what they want in the most effective way possible; tools that promise success with minimum cost and effort whether or not they observe social rules and use concrete words.

TEMPERAMENTS
Abstract Word Usage
Concrete Word Usage
Cooperative Tool Usage
5 Persuader [Idealist] [A1]
1 Director [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
10 Investigator [Idealist] [A1]
14 Objective Thinker [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
7 Promoter [Idealist] [A1]
6 Appraiser [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
11 Agent [Idealist] [A1]
13 Practitioner [Guardian] [A2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
2 Developer [Rational] [B1]
3 Results [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
16 Enhancer [Rational] [B1]
12 Achiever [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
4 Inspirational [Rational] [B1]
8 Counselor [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
15 Perfectionist [Rational] [B1]
9 Specialist [Artisan] [B2]
 
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The cohort is advised that the four temperaments - Idealist, Guardian, Rational and Artisan have been identified since Plato (ca. 340 B.C.) and any debates as to these classifications should be directed to him.

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Basic Dos in conflict: Always use ‘I statements'; Set aside a time and place to discuss the issue; Use the person’s name or their title if appropriate; Acknowledge the person’s emotions and feelings.
Basic Do Nots in conflict: Do not interrupt when the other person is talking, even if you think they are wrong; Do not leave the discussion without agreeing on a plan to move forward; Do not do something else, such as look at your phone or fidget, while the other person is talking; Do not use humour or make light of the situation.

The following table shows how you approach conflict - by quadrant!!

QUADRANT
GOALS IN CONFLICT
OVERUSES IN CONFLICT
FEARS IN CONFLICT
HIGH D
Victory, results, personal accomplishment
The need to win, impatience, bluntness
Being taken advantage of, appearing weak
HIGH I
Approval, understanding, openness
Passion, impulsiveness, outspokenness
Rejection, not being heard, disapproval
HIGH S
Agreement, acceptance, peace
Passive resistance, compromise
Letting people down, facing aggression
HIGH C
Fairness, rational decisions, accuracy
Restraint, analysis, rigidness
Being wrong, strong displays of emotion
 
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The following table shows your blind spots and what to do - by quadrant!!

QUADRANT
BLIND SPOT
Do first
Do second
HIGH D
Insensitivity
Slow down
Ask for input and update from your team
HIGH I
Inept, clumsy, spaz
Slow down
Speak in softer voice and allow others to speak
HIGH S
Indecisive
Move quicker
Verbalise actions and thoughts
HIGH C
Impolite
Talk more
Focus more on people and less on tasks
 
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The following table shows how you DO NOT approach conflict - by quadrant!!

QUADRANT
THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IN CONFLICT
HIGH D
Made a decision instead of a High D and do not tell them until it is too late
HIGH I
Tell a High I that no-one likes them as a person and you just put up with them as you like everyone else
HIGH S
Demonstrate to a High S that their help or feedback is useless and urge them to stop faking how much they care for everyone
HIGH C
Point out to a High C every little mistake they make, especially if it was due to circumstances outside of their control
 
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The following table shows how you approach conflict - by pattern!!

PATTERN
Accommodating
(Unassertive)
(Cooperative)
Collaborating
(Assertive)
(Cooperative)
Compromising
(Mid of Assertive
& Cooperative)
Avoiding
(Unassertive)
(Uncooperative)
Competing
(Assertive)
(Uncooperative)
1 Director - ESTJ
Yes
2 Developer - ENTJ
Possibly
Yes
3 Results - ESTP
Yes
Possibly
4 Inspirational - ENTP
Yes
5 Persuader - ENFJ
Alternate
Alternate
6 Appraiser - ESFJ
Alternate
Alternate
7 Promoter - ENFP
Yes
8 Counselor - ESFP
Alternate
Alternate
9 Specialist - ISFP
Yes
Yes
Alternate
10 Investigator - INFJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate
11 Agent - INFP
Alternate
Alternate
12 Achiever - ISTP
Alternate
Alternate
13 Practitioner - ISFJ
Alternate
Alternate
14 Objective Thinker - ISTJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate
15 Perfectionist - INTP
Alternate
Alternate
16 Enhancer - INTJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate
 
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The Oxor Clash Table™:

With whom will conflict be more likely?

↪ 1. Inspirational, Results, Achiever and Perfectionist tend to be able to clash with everyone.
↪ 2. Director, Developer, Objective Thinker and Enhancer tend to be able to clash with everyone, but less so than in No.1 above.
↪ 3. Persuader, Promoter, Investigator and agent tend to be able to clash with Director, Results, Achiever and Objective Thinker and vice versa.
↪ 4. Appraiser, Counselor, Specialist and Practitioner tend to be able to clash with Developer, Inspirational, Perfectionist and Enhancer and vice versa.
↪ 5. Director, Developer, Results, Inspirational, Persuader, Appraiser, Promoter, Counselor, Specialist, Investigator, Agent and Practitioner are most likely to bump heads with someone over something although it is seldom major.
↪ 6. Practitioner and Enhancer tend to keep out of trouble more than most.
↪ 7. Director, Developer, Objective Thinker are Enhancer are less likely to have conflict with Promoter, Specialist and Counselor except for Promoter v. Enhancer and Results v. Investigator.
↪ 8. Persuader, Appraiser, Investigator, Practitioner and Appraiser, are less likely to have conflict with Results, Inspirational, Achiever and Perfectionist except for Counselor v. Objective Thinker and Results v. Practitioner.

Is it any wonder the courts are full?

Clashor - Identify the clashor pattern in the left hand column. Read across to establish how the clash will go with the patterns across the page (Clashee) →
e.g. Director is tolerant of Results and Counselor, has a big head clash with the Investigator and a softer head clash with the Agent.

MAKE SURE YOU LINE UP THE COLUMN HEADINGS WITH THAT IN THE TABLE AND NOT THE MAIN MENU ACROSS THE TOP OF THE PAGE - Lest you become confused!!

Clashor ↓
Clashee →
Dir Dev Res Ins Per App Pro Cou Spe Inv Age Ach Pra OT Per Enh
Dir Tolerant
of
Tolerant
of
Big head clash Softer head clash
Dev Tolerant
of
Tolerant
of
Softer head clash Big head clash
Res Tolerant
of
Tolerant
of
Softer head clash Big head clash Avoid
Ins Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Tolerant of Tolerant
of
Big head clash Avoid Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Softer head clash
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Clashor ↓
Clashee →
Dir Dev Res Ins Per App Pro Cou Spe Inv Age Ach Pra OT Per Enh
Per Write
Off
Write
Off
Tolerant
of
Kindred Spirit Heavy
Clash
Clash Heavy
Clash
Clash Softer head clash Write
Off
Big head clash
Write
Off
App Tolerant
of
Kindred Spirit Heavy
Clash
Clash Heavy
Clash
Clash Softer head clash Big head clash
Pro Bad
Person
Write
Off
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Kindred Spirit Tolerant
of
Bad
Person
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Big head clash
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Softer head clash
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Avoid
Cou Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Tolerant
of
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Avoid
Bad
Person
Big head clash
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Softer head clash
Clashor ↓
Clashee →
Dir Dev Res Ins Per App Pro Cou Spe Inv Age Ach Pra OT Per Enh
Spe Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Softer head clash
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Big head clash
Tolerant
of
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Inv Write
Off
Big head clash
Write
Off
Tolerant
of
Softer head clash
Avoid Kindred Spirit Heavy
Clash
Clash Heavy
Clash
Clash Write
Off
Write
Off
Age Bad
Person
Write
Off
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Softer head clash
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Bad
Person
Big head clash
Bad
Person
Tolerant
of
Bad
Person
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Bad
Person
Bad
Person
Write
Off
Ach Write
Off
Write
Off
Tolerant
of
Softer head clash Big head clash Tolerant
of
Write
Off
Write
Off
Clashor ↓
Clashee →
Dir Dev Res Ins Per App Pro Cou Spe Inv Age Ach Pra OT Per Enh
Pra Write
Off
Big head clash Tolerant
of
Avoid
Softer head clash Heavy
Clash
Clash Heavy
Clash
Clash Write
Off
Write
Off
OT Tolerant
of
Big head clash Softer head clash Tolerant
of
Avoid
Per Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Tolerant
of
Softer head clash Big head clash Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Irritated
Fascinated
Admired by
Enh Tolerant
of
Big head clash Recommend avoid Softer head clash Write
Off
Clashor ↑
Clashee →
Dir Dev Res Ins Per App Pro Cou Spe Inv Age Ach Pra OT Per Enh
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1. Can it be the Director - ESTJ?

The Director is the Border Collie

George W Bush

When you lock horns: When someone is making mindless mistakes.
When you do not lock horns: When someone disagrees with you socially.
Fight style: Head on.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: The Know All. A great decision maker, which is why they are the one in the group to plan happy hours, birthday dinners and weekend trips. Because of their track record as a planner, their confidence in their own ability can sometimes (always) come across as the Know All. While thay should not stop bringing people together; they should actually be trying to be more open to other people’s suggestions. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is less loud than the Developer but way more sarcastic.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They can certainly have a short fuse, since they become impatient with people they deem to be stupid or ignorant. They do not like being around people who do not have a strong work ethic and so they become highly intolerant of them. When they are feeling annoyed by someone, they will snap and find themselves wanting to get away from them or unload their frustrations onto that person. They believe in working hard as a team and have little or no room in their lives for people who cannot keep up.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from a rational perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE DIRECTOR - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on rationale. Negotiates to reach the most rational decision. This pattern is choleric, sometimes known as “the drivers,” are “bottom line” people. They like to get things done as quickly, efficiently and correctly as possible. They make quick judgments and are usually right and they want things done their way. When negotiating with a choleric, logic is your best friend. Present the facts and explain why the deal makes logical sense. Focus on results – what is in it for the choleric if he or she agrees with you? Be assertive; choleric people can become inflexible if you disagree with them, but you may need to do so to get the deal.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE DIRECTOR OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the gullible person! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Let's just wing it." ◀ ◂
The Director has a very dear friend whom they cannot help but feel the need to protect. In some ways they seem perfectly capable. They hold down a job and have managed to keep a houseplant alive for much longer than the Director expected. But the Director has to shake their head every time they open their mouth. They share news stories from sources that are far from credible (fact free) and they really believe it when a wild-eyed preacher announces the end of the world is happening in two weeks. The Director has to be especially careful with sarcasm around this person because the other person always thinks that the Director is serious. These are the 'Social Justice Warriors' - Persuader, Promoter, Investigator and Agent. Click Here. Do not be gullible in the presence of the Director!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that most believe they are right and may be stubborn when confronting an alternate point of view.
▶ All will want a quick resolution, but do not brush aside important matters solely to move on.
▶ Keep in mind that their objectivity will allow all to find a way out of a conflict but may not limit its underlying emotional impact.
▶ Encourage everyone to give time to listen to each viewpoint.
▶ Do not interpret succinct responses as being abrupt or disrespectful.
▶ Remember that it will be difficult to create an environment in which it is safe to express emotions.
▶ As this pattern believes that once a conflict is over, it’s over, do not miss opportunities to say what you need to say now.
▶ Do not circle back and run the issue around again. You will be given the short shrift.

The Director is very difficult to deal with as they are relentlessly forceful but they can collapse like a soufflé when the enemy suddenly becomes too big. e.g. When told that the Tax Auditors are on their way.

Overview: The Director is practical, realistic and decisive and will be forceful in their handling of conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Directors are perhaps the most outcome-driven of all types. They want to understand the objective, what their resources are that they can draw on and who they will work with to achieve the objective. They want to take over.

Approach: The Director's classic "my way or the highway" approach also applies to conflict. It is not that they do not want to listen to others, but are concerned with efficiency and disagreements take time to settle. They often think there needs to be one leader who makes the call (the Director!). This mentality often works when decisions need to be made very fast, but that is not all decisions, so care has to be exercised so as not to run roughshod over others’ thoughts and feelings. What is less efficient than arguments? Employees, children or others who do not want to follow your lead because they do not feel seen, heard, or appreciated.

Horn Locker™: Directors can rise to high positions in organisations because of their ability to achieve outcomes within the framework of organisational constraints — they deliver ahead of time and under budget. They can clash with 'feeling' types - Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Specialist, Counselor, Appraiser and Practitioner because they tend to believe that outcomes are more important than individuals. They may have difficulty finding innovative solutions that say an Inspirational might find, or implementing them, preferring to time test ways of doing things. Directors may frustrate forward facing types like the Persuader or Promoter because the big picture or overall view is often not important to them.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Ambiguity.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: MEDIOCRITY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Inefficiency.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on both the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Assertive, likely competitive. Seeks closure.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
'All or Nothing' Thinking: This is a form of reductive thinking that oversimplifies an issue so as to to avoid thinking more deeply about it. It is accompanied by a refusal to consider other perspectives, alternatives, or not so obvious factors that are nonetheless relevant to understanding the situation fully and accurately. e.g. "I mucked up one question in the interview. The whole thing was 'horrible' and a 'thorough waste of time'. (*scoffs*) I’m not sad, that’s ridiculous."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time by yourself to just breathe and reflect. Speak to a trusted friend.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
2/16. As we know, this pattern is hardworking and focussed is always trying to accomplish their goals. They are intelligent and driven, but this can sometimes come off as condescending. They value efficiency which makes them push those around them to get things done to their rather high standards. Their desire to get things done properly makes them seem condescending towards those who are not quite living up to their standards; and there a many who do not!

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Director.
Impatiently barks orders at others and shames them for their way of doing things.
When upset, may become super judgmental and peremptory towards others and take out their frustration on them. Their patience and tolerance goes down the gurgler and they can be very difficult to be around.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Director.
Consider how their reaction to a stressful situation may impact their relationship with those around them and come up with a more effective measure of communicating when under stress.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Director actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would like to see the manager. Now!

How they treat a client - FIGHT WITH ATOMIC BOMB (VOLATILE) - Their management of another person’s anger is unpredictable. They can sit and take it 99% of the time, but every once in a while something becomes too much. And when an attacker pushes them past that threshold, they tend to pay them back with interest.

"You are wasting my time. And that’s a completely inefficient way to burn someone to dust. Here, let me show you how to do it properly".

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I apologize for deviating from the plan. Let's regroup and get back on track. Efficiency is our middle name."

To make the Director De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You cannot handle responsibility".

The Director's De Esteem™ Reaction: Conducts active and targeted revenge then blocks the attacker, never to communicate again.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of High Handedness and Implementing™

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2. Can it be the Developer - ENTJ?

The Developer is the German Shepherd

Nancy Pelosi.

When you lock horns: When you will argue until you “win”.
When you do not lock horns: When something is irrelevant.
Fight style: Emphatic.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: High Expectations Of Others. They are a passionate leader and a natural planner. Basically, they know how to get sh1t done and expect the same of the people around them. It is OK to hold people accountable, but they thend to make it too harsh. When leading a team, they need to work on balancing criticism with praise. And make sure that they are truly setting up the whole crew for success, not just them. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is loud, dominant and insensitive.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They can have a short fuse and often find themselves snapping at people who push them over the edge. When people are lazy or inefficient they often (always) become truly agitated. They find themselves needing to be stern in order to get things done and can certainly seem impatient because of it. They definitely do have a bit of a short fuse but, at the same time, they can get over this and move on rather quickly. They simply snap when people are trying their patience and do what they can to move on to the next problem.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from a rational perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE DEVELOPER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on rationale. Negotiates to reach the most rational decision. This pattern is choleric, sometimes known as “the drivers,” are “bottom line” people. They like to get things done as quickly, efficiently and correctly as possible. They make quick judgments and are usually right and they want things done their way. When negotiating with a choleric, logic is your best friend. Present the facts and explain why the deal makes logical sense. Focus on results – what is in it for the choleric if he or she agrees with you? Be assertive; choleric people can become inflexible if you disagree with them, but you may need to do so to get the deal.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE DEVELOPER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the virtue signaller! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Everything is out of control." ◀ ◂
The Developer is discussing a groundbreaking new theory or project with a group of friends. They have created the perfect strategy to achieve something completely new and original. But then someone pipes up with a “that will never work” line. They tell the Developer to choose something more “practical” or “safe.” Maybe they do not like the choice of career (“go with something more traditional!”) or they condescendingly remind the Developer of an enormous list of potential roadblocks and disasters that could disrupt the proposed plan. The Developer knows the other party has scrapped the entire idea because it departs too much from the tried-and-true way to succeed. But the Developer is a a revolutionary. Playing it safe means only mild success. The Developer knows that they have got to take smart and calculated risks to win big in life and evolve as a person. The Practitioner is the most risk averse of all patterns so thee trouble starts right there. Do not be the virtue signaller with the Developer!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that most believe they are right and may be stubborn when confronting an alternate point of view.
▶ All will want a quick resolution, but do not brush aside important matters solely to move on.
▶ Keep in mind that their objectivity will allow all to find a way out of a conflict but may not limit its underlying emotional impact.
▶ Encourage everyone to give time to listen to each viewpoint.
▶ Do not interpret succinct responses as being abrupt or disrespectful.
▶ Remember that it will be difficult to create an environment in which it is safe to express emotions.
▶ As this pattern believes that once a conflict is over, it’s over, do not miss opportunities to say what you need to say now.
▶ Do not circle back and run the issue around again. You will be given the short shrift.

The Developer's middle name is 'Conflict'. If you have never had a conflict with a Developer, you are a very rare breed indeed.

Overview: The Developer is decisive and quick to assume the leadership role in a conflict. They will want the facts and then make a quick decision.

Bedrock Principles: Developers are the type that always leads, but are rarely leaders in the sense of popular political leaders, loved by the masses. They have a natural ability at strategy and aggression.

Approach: Developers are the bully boy commanders and are convinced they know what is right for a relationship, company, team or project. They want to dive in, map out the big picture and forge ahead but often brew conflict in their wake as they seemingly ignore other people's ideas. Since they think they are correct, arguments make the Developer impatient. But it is crucial that the Developer listens. This is often not the case. Despite theie skills, occasionally everyone has a blind spot—and not every problem has one objective best answer. Developers will make fewer mistakes if they listen to feedback and debate ideas everyone is not in agreement on. Their team will be more willing to follow if their leader is truly considerate. That's the theory, rarely practiced.

Horn Locker™ more important than anything else and frequently clash with almost everyone in the organisation. Often chosen w: Developers always attempt to lead groups through formal or informal authority. They see the end objective as hen outcomes are critical. The people who want outcomes ally with them. Often Directors are loathed with passion.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Complaining.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: DISORDER.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Laziness.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Assertive, likely competitive, but possibly willing to collaborate. Seeks closure.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Isolation: Separation of unpleasant or stressful emotion from conscious thoughts. e.g. "I am frustrated at work but I detach emotionally to maintain my decorum."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get out of current location / environment. Speak to a trusted friend.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
6/16. As we know, this pattern is confident people, especially when it comes to information they have researched and fully understand. They do not hold back with their knowledge and will not dumb themselves down for the sake of others. They can sometimes appear condescending, especially when they are speaking with seemingly ignorant people. And there are plenty of these. They can sometimes lose patience with individuals who are not quite up to their intellectual standards. And there are plenty of these. They will try to communicate with them with a less irritated manner but sometimes they can seem a bit condescending.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Developer.
Turns cold and calculating, then takes down the opposing party’s argument with a single well-timed phrase or action that gets the Developer their way.
When upset, they become volatile and impatient. It will be difficult for them to listen to anyone for very long and they may become very domineering and intimidating.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Developer.
Withdraw to process their feelings on the conflict rather than immediately strategising a way to ‘win’ it.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Developer actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would call their lawyer and they would both call on / front the manager together.

How they treat a client - FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE (MATCH) - They take what’s fair and give back what’s fair, no more and no less. They will fight back when provoked, they may become a little competitive, but they will not lose themselves to their emotions.

"I know I know, you’re feeling a little heated. But you have to admit I’m right here. I mean, what you’re saying makes literally no sense at all. Just say it. I’m right. Not you, me. I’m right, you’re wrong, say it."

To make the Developer De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not capable".

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I apologize for any inconvenience caused. Let's refocus our efforts and conquer the challenges ahead with even greater determination."

The Developer's De Esteem™ Reaction: Tells the attacker to 'p**s off' or bullies or marginalizes or demotes or pushes others sideways and inflames the whole disagreement.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Conflict Creation and Exploiting™

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3. Can it be the Results - ESTP?

The Results is the Jack Russell Terrier

Donald Trump

When you lock horns: Casual debates or when someone wounds your pride.
When you do not lock horns: When you are tuned out.
Fight style: Blunt.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: No Filter. They are bold and direct and that draws people to them. They call it as they see it with no filter or bulltish. For better or for worse. Close people appreciate this kind of honesty but, to strangers, this tendency easily makes it appear that the mark is well and truly being overstepped. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: The Know All. A great decision maker, which is why they are the one in the group to plan happy hours, birthday dinners and weekend trips. Because of their track record as a planner, their confidence in their own ability can sometimes come across as the Know All. While thay should not stop bringing people together; they should actually be trying to be more open to other people’s suggestions. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is yelling and then is isolating themselves.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: While they try not to have a short fuse they can become very short-tempered with people. They can bounce from one thing to the next rather quickly, which means being perfectly fine one second and ultra annoyed the next. They have rather intense moods and desires which can cause them to have a short fuse most of the time. They try hard not to let this be the case, but they simply do not like being pushed, ever. When they feel truly pushed by someone, they will find themselves snapping in a way that is not entirely rational.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a logical perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE RESULTS - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on logic. Negotiates with an eye for what is logical. This pattern is choleric, sometimes known as “the drivers,” are “bottom line” people. They like to get things done as quickly, efficiently and correctly as possible. They make quick judgments and are usually right and they want things done their way. When negotiating with a choleric, logic is your best friend. Present the facts and explain why the deal makes logical sense. Focus on results – what is in it for the choleric if he or she agrees with you? Be assertive; choleric people can become inflexible if you disagree with them, but you may need to do so to get the deal.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE RESULTS OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be self-righteous! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Do it my way." ◀ ◂
The Results is having a drink with friends and making light-hearted banter when suddenly someone chirps in with a “Is this all you care about?” kind of statement. Everything grows quiet. This individual wants to talk about social justice and the ethical problems facing the world today. They sulk quietly anytime someone makes even the most minor statement that is not politically correct. They make a concerted effort to point out how “shallow” other people are and seem to take offence at even the most harmless statements. They may have some interesting insights to offer, but they are so sanctimonious and self-congratulatory that the Results will refuse to give them the time of day. These are the 'Social Justice Warriors' - Persuader, Promoter, Investigator and Agent. Click Here. Do not self-righteous with the Results!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ As their tolerance of conflict situations is higher than that of most, do not be surprised if they see conflict as a challenge or as healthy.
▶ Remember that the process of addressing the conflict is as important as the outcome.
▶ Keep in mind that comfort with exploring means they will be in no rush to reach closure.
▶ Understand that they will express feelings only when they are sure everyone present can be trusted.
▶ Be careful not to get overly frustrated with your perception of them changing the rules of engagement.
▶ Remember that they are acutely aware of where the power lies in any situation and will fluctuate between needing to have access to the power and supporting the underdog.
▶ Remember that their intention is to ensure the conflict has been explored from all angles.

The Results will get things sorted out quickly and steamroll if required.

Overview: The Results is far too energetic and busy to let someone else sort out conflict. They will do it themselves but facts will bore them.

Bedrock Principles: The Results folk have a natural ability to act according to the situation on the ground. They move effectively and decisively in the moment.

Approach: Results are very good at deflecting emotions and “fixing” conflicts in a hurry. Also are great at de-escalating a heated situation and bring this skill into both the personal and work environment. More personal, romantic conflict that trips the most. Results do not like when people close are upset and try to avoid this at all costs. Reluctant to show this when upset, lest this will upset a partner. However often harmony is mistaken for happiness. Just because there is no fight does not mean a relationship is in a good place. Work on voicing frustrations soon after they are felt; do not let them eat away. Similarly, Results should listen without trying to instantly fix when a partner expresses unmet needs. Conflict is not always a commentary on the quality of a relationship.

Horn Locker™: Results folk have few natural enemies in an organisation. They are appealing in a fresh, innocent way and have the ability to gauge the crowd. They are excellent communicators and often find themselves in the role of the spokesperson. They look for the shortest line between two points and dislike complicating anything that could be easy. They do have conflict with types more attracted to complexity such as the Enhancer, Perfectionist, Developer and Persuader. They grow impatient with long-term strategy or complex position papers.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Inaction.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: FATALISM.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Snail's pace.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, probably collaborative. Seeks progress.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Rationalisation: Making excuses for (bad) behaviour. e.g. "Excuses? No, it’s not my fault, really. It’s just how it was supposed to be."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time by yourself. Speak to a trusted friend as long as they do not become emotional.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
15/16. As we know, this pattern is adventurous who enjoy living in the present moment and making the most out of life. They certainly do not want seem condescending towards others but it does happen sometimes. They are intelligent and enjoy researching, which makes them aware of many different things. They also dislike seeing people who are misinformed and will attempt to forcibly remove some of their ignorance. When they see someone who is not fully aware that they are wrong, they will come across a bit condescending in their attempt to help them understand.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Results.
Feels an intense physical reaction and lets it out by confronting others and/or punching/smashing an inanimate object.
When upset, they may sulk and become very brusque with others. They may feel beleaguered, hypersensitive to criticism and their conversations with people may become bitter and laced with insults both explicit and implicit.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Results.
Find a constructive release for their physical energy (e.g. exercising or meditating) so that they can take a step back from their anger and focus on the problem itself.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Results actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would claim that this is fake news! Because they probably bought their plans from an Enhancer or a Perfectionist.

How they treat a client - FIGHT WITH ATOMIC BOMB (VOLATILE) - Their management of another person’s anger is unpredictable. They can sit and take it 99% of the time, but every once in a while something becomes too much. And when an attacker pushes them past that threshold, they tend to pay them back with interest.

"Hmmm. That hurt just a little bit. I was going to own up to my part in this problem, but you took it a liiiittle too far. So now I’m going to incinerate you and laugh as you burn."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "Hey, it is my bad for being a bit reckless. I promise I'll tone it down, but how about we plan an epic adventure together to make up for it?"

To make the Results De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You are unlovable".

The Results De Esteem™ Reaction: Takes on the attacker - crushes and humiliates.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Domineering and Selling™

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4. Can it be the Inspirational - ENTP?

The Inspirational is the Bull Terrier

Henry Kissinger

When you lock horns: To test a theory or when you do not care about the outcome.
When you do not lock horns: When feelings are involved.
Fight style: Debate.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Argumentative. A pair, or more, of these are known as The Massdebaters™. They are an expert sounding board for everyone else’s ideas. When their opinion is solicited they shine. But when it is not, they can come across as a little pugnacious or aggressive. They are probably ready to argue with Oxor™ this one, haha, but they should actually be trying to really see the other perspective before starting on another diatribe. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is smirking and engaged until becomes bored.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They can definitely have a bit of a short fuse but they often do not like letting this show. They try to let things roll off of their backs and will work to move on from anything that does frustrate them. They do not want to allow these negative situations to drag them down and so they simply move on from anything that frustrates them. They bury their emotions most of the time and do not let themselves become outwardly annoyed, while deep down they can become rather agitated by people easily.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a logical perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on logic. Negotiates with an eye for what is logical. This pattern is choleric, sometimes known as “the drivers,” are “bottom line” people. They like to get things done as quickly, efficiently and correctly as possible. They make quick judgments and are usually right and they want things done their way. When negotiating with a choleric, logic is your best friend. Present the facts and explain why the deal makes logical sense. Focus on results – what is in it for the choleric if he or she agrees with you? Be assertive; choleric people can become inflexible if you disagree with them, but you may need to do so to get the deal.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE INSPIRATIONAL OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the virtue signaller! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Because I said so." ◀ ◂
The Inspirational is scrolling through social media and comes across a widely-shared video of someone helping a homeless person. Their friend videotaped the entire incident and the comments are filled with “hope in humanity restored” type comments. The Inspirational inwardly cringes. Sure, it is great that they helped someone – but something about it seems exploitative and boastful. People who draw attention to their good deeds or stand up for social justice in a “look at me and how evolved I am” way get under the Inspirational's skin. They cannot feel inspired by them because you see their true self-serving inner motivations. The Inspirational should avoid the 'Social Justice Warriors' - Persuader, Promoter, Investigator and Agent. Click Here. Do not be the virtue signaller with the Inspirational!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ As their tolerance of conflict situations is higher than that of most, do not be surprised if they see conflict as a challenge or as healthy.
▶ Remember that the process of addressing the conflict is as important as the outcome.
▶ Keep in mind that comfort with exploring means they will be in no rush to reach closure.
▶ Understand that they will express feelings only when they are sure everyone present can be trusted.
▶ Be careful not to get overly frustrated with your perception of them changing the rules of engagement.
▶ Remember that they are acutely aware of where the power lies in any situation and will fluctuate between needing to have access to the power and supporting the underdog.
▶ Remember that their intention is to ensure the conflict has been explored from all angles.

The Inspirational will debate anything, sometimes creating a situation to do just that and waste others' time.

Overview: The Inspirational is extremely good at finding ingenuous solutions to conflict but they want to solve it quickly.

Bedrock Principles: Inspirationals use their extroverted intuition to size up situations and are usually confident of their course of action. They are technically oriented and verbally skilled. They are one of the least conflict averse types.

Approach: Debating is the Inspirational's bread and butter. While never shying away from conflict, they often simply stir the pot to test ideas instead of laying out the framework of their own personally held beliefs. Arguments are tedious. Over time, they can start to detach from a relationship when they are spending all of their time adapting to their friend's or partner’s needs instead of stating what they would rather see happen. Inspirationals should start being more true to their feelings early on in relationships. Inspirationals are quite diplomatic in conflict, able to balance logic and emotion as well as any type. Relationships would benefit from engaging in a little healthy disagreement!

Horn Locker™: Inspirationals excel in organisations and as entrepreneurs. They are all about skills, expertise and they have a very advanced ability to communicate. They lead with extroverted intuition, moving in what seems to be several different directions at the same time. They dazzle many while, at the same time, confuse many others who get mental whiplash watching the Inspirational's rapid changes in direction. The Inspirational's ability to communicate and solve issues is impressive. They can and do clash with most types who want to follow a steady course as opposed to in-the-moment decisions and direction changes. Their confidence is admired and often justified, yet they clash when they come over as arrogant and all-knowing, which is nearly all the time.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Routine.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: LIMITING BELIEFS.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Poor decision-making.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, most likely collaborative. Seeks progress and understanding.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Compensation: A means of balancing out one’s shortcomings with excellence in another that includes exaggerating one’s importance, achievements or positive qualities in order to avoid confronting criticism for negative qualities. e.g. "Although there are rumours about the solidarity of my marriage, I'll be interviewed by a journalist on the strength of it and debate the issue."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from everything. Speak to a trusted friend / family member.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
14/16. As we know, this pattern is both intelligent and imaginative people and who enjoy exploring new things in life. They strive to understand as much as they can about the world around them which can come across a bit arrogant to others. They do not intend to appear condescending, but they do amass a large amount of knowledge from their research and experience. They are aware of what they know, which can make them seem condescending when they are trying to teach some less informed people. And there are plenty of those.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Inspirational.
Attacks the other person’s deepest weaknesses and insecurities, either through a series of subtle insults or all at once in a fit of blind rage.
When upset, they lash out and will seek out like minded individuals to commiserate with them. They want someone with whom they can vent their anger and frustration with lengthy and loquacious diatribes.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Inspirational.
Consider what role they played in the situation and then explain their point of view to the opposing party and ask for theirs.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Inspirational actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would immediately state that the other party is wrong. The Inspirational's plans never fail and, if they ever did, the other party's motives were different in the first place.

How they treat a client - FIRE WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER (PACIFY) - They are the pattern that would sing a bear a lullaby while it’s trying to bite off your legs. They care more about resolving the conflict than they do about 'winning' and they can handle a lot of heat from others, without becoming angry.

"Okay, but why do you want to set me on fire? Is it worth your time? What are you getting out of it?"

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "It is my bad for pushing your buttons. Let's hash it out and maybe we'll stumble upon the solution to world peace while we are at it." [Ed: More likely to open with it was not their understanding].

To make the Inspirational De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not interesting".

The Inspirational's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively debates the issue even if it is purely for the sake of having the debate.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Debating and Discussing™

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5. Can it be the Persuader - ENFJ?

The Persuader is the Boxer

Nelson Mandela

When you lock horns: Rarely. You vent to others instead of to the source.
When you do not lock horns: You mediate and soothe, mostly.
Fight style: Collaborate.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Sensitive. With optimism and energy unmatched, they are the ideal campaigner. They like being in charge, but do not like being challenged nor held to account. When confronted with opposing ideas, they take it a little too much to heart. They should really take a step backwards when this happens. Is this really about who has the best idea or about how they as a group or with another individual can problem solve together? You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is tactfully trying to convince everybody. Displays Toxic Positivity™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They do not usually have a short fuse, since they try hard to be patient with people and situations. They can often put up with a lot of stress and negative situations before they actually snap. The explosion can be rather intense when they actually do reach their breaking point. They often try to hold it in for so long and ultimately become really upset when they are finally pushed over the edge. They try to take care of everyone and often feeling unappreciated and overworked is what sends them into the feeling of having to snap.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from a feeling perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE PERSUADER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on ethics. Negotiates to reach a deal that is the most ethical. This pattern is sanguine people, sometimes called socializers, love people. They are the ones who will laugh at your jokes – and tell their own – and share stories. With a sanguine, focus on what your idea or product will mean for relationships. Will the sanguine’s company like it? Will it benefit people? Is it fun? Use stories and experiences to keep this person focussed; otherwise he or she may drift. Present facts optimistically and show the sanguine how he or she can use your idea or product in creative ways.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE PERSUADER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the traditionalist! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "You are being too emotional." ◀ ◂
The Persuader is at a family reunion and is stuck at a table listening to Uncle Norman talk about how terrible Millennials/Generation Z/any other new generation is and how our country needs to get back to the “good old days.” Sure, there may be aspects of the good old days that were actually good, but this tired, condescending tone is getting exasperating. The Persuader enjoys evolving, growing and exploring change. This does not mean all change as a good thing, but they find themselves at odds with people who throw negative generalizations around about anything new and progressive. The Practitioner will annoy the Persuader. Do not be the traditionalist with the Persuader!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that they typically view conflict as a difficult or negative experience.
▶ Understand that for this pattern everyone’s feelings are important.
▶ Keep in mind that their rush to closure is likely motivated by a desire to make sure no one gets hurt rather than an objective assessment that everything is sorted out.
▶ Understand that it is only after they are certain everyone’s concerns and feelings have been given attention that they can begin to look at other factors.
▶ Keep in mind that ongoing ill will may prevent them from moving on easily.
▶ Be prepared to answer questions about how you are feeling, as it is important for them to know this.
▶ Remember that their intention is to make sure no one leaves with any lingering bitterness.

The Persuader is often the mediator rather than one of the aggrieved parties.

Overview: The Persuader is very attuned to others’ needs so may avoid conflict to help others reach their potential.

Bedrock Principles: The Persuader is one of the types most attuned to people and groups. As moderators, facilitators and trainers, the Persuader has a finely tuned ‘sixth sense’ of the motivations and concerns of a group.

Approach: Persuaders are the mediators. They are an excellent communicator and great at resolving conflict between others. A great listener and deals well with emotions which makes them so great at relationship-building. Their Achilles heel is interpreting personal criticism as valid or not. They can sometimes get defensive, but often fail to stand up for themselves when they should, especially if someone’s argument sounds very logical. They should trust their ability to analyse and come to the right conclusion when it feels like a personal indictment. It may or may not be true, but do not internalise all the negative instantly. They are self-critical and should be critical of others as well.

Horn Locker™: Persuaders have the best skills to interrelate both to individuals and groups. People most often feel that the Persuader understands them at a deep level and it is often true that the Persuader has an amazing ability to understand others. Persuaders can be frustrating to Enhancers, Developers, Inspirationals and Perfectionists together with Practitioners, Appraisers, Objective Thinkers and Directors in situations of conflict. This is because not only is the Persuader conflict averse, they often believe that conflict in and of itself is inappropriate and ineffective. When in charge, they can have a great sense of the appropriateness of their role and status and may find it difficult to share the limelight and decision making with others. If everyone likes them, they must be right.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Impersonal Reasoning.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: SUPPRESSION.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Inconsistency.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to maintain relationships.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Identification: Mirroring the characteristics of others as a means of gaining social acceptance or avoid social punishment. e.g. "I've just bought a new Mercedes - many commented on it down at the club."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time with people you trust. Change of scenery. Upbeat music.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
5/16. As we know, this pattern tries to be warm and compassionate and do not like being condescending towards others. There are times when their tone can come across as condescending but that is definitely not their intention. Sometimes they can become caught up in trying to connect with others and this can be viewed as odd by those people. They can feel afraid of upsetting someone, family or otherwise, so they will speak in tones that are calmer. However, to certain patterns this can feel a bit condescending. They simply want to make their loved ones happy and this means a lot to them.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Persuader.
If slightly angered, retreats to analyse the situation. If greatly angered, attacks the opposing party with cruel personal truths.
When upset, they can be very hard on themselves and often feel somehow responsible for what goes wrong. They become inflexible and increasingly critical towards others as well and become uncharacteristically harsh.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Persuader.
Recognise the subjective nature of their anger and keep an open mind to the opposite party’s point of view while discussing the issue.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Persuader actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would face the adversity gracefully and come out thriving.

How they treat a client - FIRE WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER (PACIFY) - They are the pattern that would sing a bear a lullaby while it is trying to bite off your legs. They care more about resolving the conflict than they do about 'winning' and they can handle a lot of heat from others, without becoming angry.

"Hmmm, you must have mistaken me for a wooden log just now. That’s all right. You’ve had a rough day, haven’t you? Let’s see what I can do to help."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I apologize for any missteps on my part. Let's take this as a learning opportunity and strive for a brighter future together."

To make the Persuader De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are ordinary in every way".

The Persuader's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively and resolutely continues to promote, for example, the social justice warrior outlook without any respect or consideration of alternate views.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Liking to be Liked and Influencing™

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6. Can it be the Appraiser - ESFJ

The Appraiser is the Great Dane

Sarah Palin

When you lock horns: When you feel like others are being purposely difficult.
When you do not lock horns: When you feel like it does not matter.
Fight style: Contentious; petty.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Gossiper. A thunderous reputation for being a constant source of encouragement among friends, they feel most at home in a big group of people. They need to be careful of their judgmental side. Given the constant interaction with others, spilling one friend’s secret to another can be extremely tempting. And not appreciated. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is trying to pretend that there is no conflict.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They try to keep a sense of patience with those around them and dislike losing their temper. They do develop a bit of a short fuse when they have gone too long feeling that they are not appreciated. When this happens, they become impatient and on edge, finding it easy to snap on those around them. They want to be around their loved ones and do their best to take care of them, but this desire to always please others can lead to them becoming a bit on edge.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from an ethical perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE APPRAISER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on ethics. Negotiates to reach a deal that is the most ethical. This pattern is sanguine people, sometimes called socializers, love people. They are the ones who will laugh at your jokes – and tell their own – and share stories. With a sanguine, focus on what your idea or product will mean for relationships. Will the sanguine’s company like it? Will it benefit people? Is it fun? Use stories and experiences to keep this person focussed; otherwise he or she may drift. Present facts optimistically and show the sanguine how he or she can use your idea or product in creative ways.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE APPRAISER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be dubiously or outlandishly mystical, supernatural, or unscientific! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "I don't need you." ◀ ◂
The Appraiser is at a party and is striking up some good conversation with friends about meaningful life experiences and relationships. Then, of course, there is that one person who is always talking about astrological signs, crystal healing or the hardships of being something unusual like an empath or an indigo child. While there may be merit to some of the ideas mentioned, the Appraiser is so overwhelmed by the fact that it all seems completely devoid of any connection to reality. They cannot stand the Agent. Do not be dubiously or outlandishly mystical, supernatural, or unscientific with the Appraiser!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that they typically view conflict as a difficult or negative experience.
▶ Understand that for this pattern everyone’s feelings are important.
▶ Keep in mind that their rush to closure is likely motivated by a desire to make sure no one gets hurt rather than an objective assessment that everything is sorted out.
▶ Understand that it is only after they are certain everyone’s concerns and feelings have been given attention that they can begin to look at other factors.
▶ Keep in mind that ongoing ill will may prevent them from moving on easily.
▶ Be prepared to answer questions about how you are feeling, as it is important for them to know this.
▶ Remember that their intention is to make sure no one leaves with any lingering bitterness.

The Appraiser does not hold grudges after the conflict is resolved.

Overview: The Appraiser is warm-hearted and very cooperative. They will want to maintain good relations after the conflict is resolved.

Bedrock Principles: Appraisers have the remarkable ability to manage and guide teams. They are highly organised and see disorganisation as a personal failure, although they are often patient and are skilled at picking up the pieces for things that did not get done.

Approach: The Appraiser's knee-jerk reaction to conflict is "I can fix it" and can. They are excellent at making others feel better and always know exactly what to say. Their greatest obstacle will be challenging their own instinctual reaction to put a band-aid on someone’s feelings and come to a compromise, instead of immediately folding because you hate ruffled feathers. Needs to work on articulating true opinion after someone expresses a frustration so resentment does not build up when the Appraiser's voice goes unheard.

Horn Locker™: Appraisers have some of the best interpersonal skills of all personality types, are conflict averse and most always find themselves skillfully and diplomatically managing the needs of groups. Their abilities can become their disabilities in that they may place a critical problem on hold because they do not feel they have the authority to find unauthorised solutions. They often feel that their role is to work within a defined framework with an assigned set of duties and may not feel that understanding how the larger organisation works is important.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Emotional Unavailability.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: CHAOS.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Arguing for no reason.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to maintain relationships and interpersonal dynamics.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring thatthere is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Projection: Attributing one’s undesirable characteristics, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings or impulses to another person who does not factually suffer them. e.g. "Why are you looking at me like that? Don't you like this outfit?" [Outfit cost too much and you think it looks bad on you.]

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Change of scenery. Speak to a trusted friend.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
1/16. Market Leader. As we know, this pattern is giving and compassionate people who are always trying to take care of their loved ones. They try hard to focus on the needs of others and do not want to appear condescending in any way. In most cases, they will be capable of understanding where people are coming from which helps them avoid a condescending attitude. Their ability to empathize causes them to be more down to earth and relatable. When they are trying not to upset someone, they might seem very condescending indeed with their tone in order to keep the other person calm.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Appraiser.
Forgives the indiscretion in the moment but then never forgets about it.
When upset, withdraws from their usually personable self and become more tentative. They feel inadequate and insecure and may respond by criticising others over petty and trivial matters.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Appraiser.
Learn to process feelings of hurt and betrayal as they occur, in order to let them go and move on from past hurts.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Achiever actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would wonder why they went wrong because they think they probably did everything right.

How they treat a client - FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE (MATCH) - They take what’s fair and give back what’s fair, no more and no less. They will fight back when provoked, they may become a little competitive, but they will not lose themselves to their emotions.

"There were so many other ways to go about this conversation without the stupid flamethrower, man. Seriously? Why do you have to be so difficult?"

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I'm truly sorry if my actions caused any disruption. Let's work together to restore balance and ensure everyone's needs are met."

To make the Appraiser De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are unhelpful".

The Appraiser's De Esteem™ Reaction: Will use strong words defending themselves and wait for the storm to pass when the other side runs out of puff.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Coaching and Nurturing™

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7. Can it be the Promoter - ENFP?

The Promoter is the Golden Retriever

Ellen DeGeneres

When you lock horns: When you cannot stifle your feelings any longer.
When you do not lock horns: Most of the time, you let things roll.
Fight style: Emotion, belief.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Needy. While very popular and friendly, they are known for getting pretty involved in their friends’ lives. They tend to be a little too idealistic and, when the other person disappoints, this is taken very personally. Rathert than want to set lower expectations, they should remember that, hey, we are only human. This popular and friendly person can become 200% toxic, especially when held to account. Never expect this pattern to reciprocate favours. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is speaking very fast and is easily angered.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They rarely seem like they have a short fuse, simply because they do not usually explode. They allow themselves to express irritation and try to understand their feelings instead of ignore them. This helps them refrain from really exploding in ways that can be a bit intense. They can snap in small ways, but they do not become frustrated in intense ways which cause them to blow up. They try not to allow things to build and want to let most things roll off of their back. But they can become very toxic.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a moral value perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE PROMOTER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on moral values. Negotiates to reach a decision that is moral. This pattern is sanguine people, sometimes called socializers, love people. They are the ones who will laugh at your jokes – and tell their own – and share stories. With a sanguine, focus on what your idea or product will mean for relationships. Will the sanguine’s company like it? Will it benefit people? Is it fun? Use stories and experiences to keep this person focussed; otherwise he or she may drift. Present facts optimistically and show the sanguine how he or she can use your idea or product in creative ways.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE PROMOTER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the nit-picker! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "I'm voting for Trump." ◀ ◂
The Promoter has just got an amazing idea and cannot wait to share it with the world. Then there is that individual who just has to pick it apart and pull out all the nitty-gritty lapses in logic, which are inevitable. The more they tear the idea apart, the more the Promoter wants to take them down a notch by pointing out their lack of imagination or their inability to see outside the boundaries of their limited thinking. This is so common with the fact free Promoter. The Promoter, surely will work out all those details later - but they rarely do. They want others to just go along with the general idea of what is being explored, and then they will iron out all the little problems later - which will not happen. The Promoter has not bothered to understand that many want facts - the Objective Thinker, Perfectionist and Enhancer, in particular. Do not be the nit-picker with the Promoter!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Understand while typically dislike conflict, they are often in no rush to reach closure as they appreciate the time needed to listen to everyone.
▶ Remember that they may not want to be tied down by a set procedure.
▶ Keep in mind their need to hear from others acceptance of their core values.
▶ Remember that they have difficulty with others offering a logical analysis that appears to overlook the possible negative impact on others.
▶ Remember that including others is often more important than the issue.
▶ Keep in mind that the amount of time they spend exploring people’s concerns can be frustrating for the Director, Developer, Enhancer and Objective Thinker whom they perceive as impatient to move on.
▶ Remember that their intention is to have everyone’s opinions, feelings, and values respected.

The Promoter is the most difficult to deal with and the easiest to lock horns with as they do not like being held to account, especially regarding deadlines. Ever. And they can still talk when under concrete.

Overview: The Promoter is quick-thinking and able to see all possibilities making them almost unbeatable in a conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Promoters lead organisations through cycles of change by engaging the people around them by their own personal charm, helping organisations to embrace the new ways of accomplishing objectives.

Approach: Promoters are passionate and typically have no problem arguing for the rights of others, a cause believed in or a specific course of action. They are the first to stand up in defense of their values, but often the last to stand up for themselves. The Promoter will frequently shut down when someone hits a raw nerve in conflict, an insecurity or a heartbreak and they often immediately lock out those who may actually want to talk it out. They should work on letting others see their vulnerable side sometimes. They can calmly say, "This hurt, here’s why." Promoters often think others will not understand or fully accept but they have to give them the chance.

Horn Locker™: Promoters find themselves at the heart of most organisations. They are often in human relations departments and have the ear of senior executive teams. They can be seen leading the latest organisational initiative. They have an affinity with their own ideas and will defend the ideas that they have generated. Promoters often have difficulty staying engaged in projects through completion, often changing initiatives or jobs. They must be managed closely to ensure things actually get completed. Promoters are most successful at getting organisations to see a vision and to engage in change management during the early stages but do not rely on the Promoter to be there at the end. Promoters do not like being held to account, be micro-managed or stifled by bureaucracy or external rules and structures.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Predictability.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: LIMITS OF THE IMAGINATION.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Clashing values.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, most likely collaborative. Seeks to have ideas and feelings understood.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Fantasy: Disconnecting from reality into a world of escapism, when life does not go as they would like. Can become delusional. e.g. "The economic theory of supply and demand just does not work." "We don't curate to subtract choice, we curate to create room for focus."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time alone - music, nature. Speak to a trusted friend who will not pressure you.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
16/16. As we know, this pattern dislikes having a superior attitude and do not like to be condescending towards others. They do have a confident personality and enjoy feeling proud for their achievements. They do not want their sense of confidence to make others feel bad and do not try to express this in a condescending manner. They simply want to see other people happy and enjoy being able to share the spotlight. They are not arrogant and prefer to have a more relatable attitude towards others. They understand that no one is perfect and do not judge others for their mistakes.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Promoter.
Attempts to look at things from the other person’s point of view and, if it is not what the Promoter would do which is why the Promoter is angry, shames, sometimes with vitriol, the other person for their way of handling the situation.
When upset, they continue to be pleasant and engaging but mentally they will be noticeably distant and disengaged. They become more distracted but may go out of their way to make it seem like everything is okay to avoid detection.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Promoter.
Ask the other person to explain their side of the situation and try to understand the intent behind their actions.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Promoter actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would call their friends, family, neighbours, therapists, spiritual teachers, hold a meeting to vent or at least open a WhatsApp group to broadcast and discuss it all.

How they treat a client - FIGHT WITH ATOMIC BOMB (VOLATILE) - Their management of another person’s anger is unpredictable. They can sit and take it 99% of the time, but every once in a while something becomes too much. And when an attacker pushes them past that threshold, they tend to pay them back with interest.

"Haha yes, what a funny little situation here. Pretty mad at me, aren’t you? Well let me see what I can — woah, did you just call my dog ugly? My dog is not ugly. My dog is the most precious — oh NOW YOU’VE DONE IT. Someone please hand me my plastic explosive."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I apologize for my overenthusiastic approach. Let's bounce back with some positivity and brainstorm all the amazing things we can do together!"

To make the Promoter De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Micromanage. Marginalise or pick on someone. Have everything settled and decided. Advise: “It is what it is.” - the Promoter is an overthinker which puts them in a bad mood. Tell a Promoter who they are. Tell a Promoter what to do - this will end friendships. Question their motives. Tell the Promoter their ideas are stupid (which they often are). Mess with the Promoter's held values. Start with:"You are boring".

The Promoter's De Esteem™ Reaction: Brings out an evil reaction and an "I am right" attitude in an environment of suspension of facts without any respect for alternate views.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of The Short Attention Span and Inspiring™

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8. Can it be the Counselor - ESFP

The Counselor is the Poodle

Sir Richard Starkey (Ringo Starr)

When you lock horns: When someone disagrees with your values.
When you do not lock horns: When you want to preserve a relationship with someone close.
Fight style: Insistent.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Impulsive. This pattern is the party animal - open, charming and loves a good time. The social butterfly ways make them the life of the party, but they might take things too far sometimes. The go-with-the-flow attitude means they are a hopeless planner. That may be fine for a night on the town, but might this pattern may make longer term decisions too hastily. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is very angry, explosive and dominant.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They can have a short fuse, simply because they are such emotional people. They follow their feelings and can jump from one thing to the next rather quickly. While they might have a bit of a short fuse, they find it easy to move on from this. They become overwhelmed by their emotions and can have a short fuse, but when it is over they move on from these negative feelings. They do not like allowing things to hold them back and try not to dwell too long when they do become upset by something.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a people loving perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE COUNSELOR - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

This pattern has sanguine people, sometimes called socializers, love people. They are the ones who will laugh at your jokes – and tell their own – and share stories. With a sanguine focus on what your idea or product will mean for relationships. Will the sanguine’s company like it? Will it benefit people? Is it fun? Use stories and experiences to keep this person focussed; otherwise he or she may drift. Present facts optimistically and show the sanguine how he or she can use your idea or product in creative ways.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE COUNSELOR OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be pedantic! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "You have no choice." ◀ ◂
The Counselor has some exciting news and cannot wait to tell friends... well, most of them. As they describe the exciting news, one friend chimes in to correct your use of words or explain some minor detail of your story in a more thorough way. This person likes to use complicated, fancy words to show off their intellect and they especially enjoy droning on and on about theoretical tangents that have no relevance to the current situation. While they might have some intellectual wisdom to offer, the Counselor is so annoyed by their smugness that they cannot take them seriously. The Perfectionist, or maybe the Director, are annoying the Counselor. Do not be pedantic with the Counselor!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Understand while typically dislike conflict, they are often in no rush to reach closure as they appreciate the time needed to listen to everyone.
▶ Remember that they may not want to be tied down by a set procedure.
▶ Keep in mind their need to hear from others acceptance of their core values.
▶ Remember that they have difficulty with others offering a logical analysis that appears to overlook the possible negative impact on others.
▶ Remember that including others is often more important than the issue.
▶ Keep in mind that the amount of time they spend exploring people’s concerns can be frustrating for the Director, Developer, Enhancer and Objective Thinker whom they perceive as impatient to move on.
▶ Remember that their intention is to have everyone’s opinions, feelings, and values respected.

The Counselor is rarely involved in conflict as they are at the party.

Overview: The Counselor is a friendly type that is full of common sense. A good mediator in a conflict.

Bedrock Principles: The Counselor focusses on getting things done through teams. They are generally 'can do' and upbeat and contribute positive energy to a team.

Approach: The Counselor often deals with conflict from a very emotional place, but typically buries their true feelings immediately when they are hurt as a form of self-protection, only to bring up these old wounds when someone wants to thrash out something entirely different. They cannot deal with the conflict at hand if they are dealing with an unrelated conflict from the past, so it’s important to work on calmly relaying feelings straight away. Needs to trust that those who are close will listen and understand.

Horn Locker™: Counselors are often individual contributors and rarely have conflict with others. They are diplomatic, fun-loving and supportive of people in their organisations.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Isolation.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: MONOTONY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Rigidity.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to be heard.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Acting Out: A sudden deviation from impulse control and adherence to acceptable behaviour - social recklessness and defiance. e.g. "Let's get some booze, drugs and nurses around for the weekend."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Speak to a trusted friend. Change of scenery, music, hug.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
12/16. As we know, this pattern is fun-loving and caring who do not enjoy negativity in their lives. They want to see their loved ones happy and enjoy being happy as well. They do not want to be condescending and rarely will they express themselves in a judgmental way. They want to have plenty of freedom to make their own choices and want to give that to their loved ones as well. They are not interested in pushing others around or behaving in an arrogant manner.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Counselor.
Yells, cries and makes a scene – and then de-escalates quickly and apologises.
When angry, becomes a trainwreck and shuts others out and becomes difficult to work with. They will likely want someone with whom they can talk about their problems and vent or may avoid thinking about their problems altogether.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Counselor.
Take a moment to consider how they ought to best communicate their point of view – and then calmly let the opposing party know that their feelings have been hurt.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Counselor actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would sob and vent for a while and later apologize to everyone they offended for blaming them in advance.

How they treat a client - FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE (MATCH) - They take what’s fair and give back what’s fair, no more and no less. They will fight back when provoked, they may become a little competitive, but they will not lose themselves to their emotions.

"You want to throw fire at me? Go ahead. I’ve got a box of matches just for you and I’ve got all day."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I'm really, like, super duper sorry. Let's make up with a dance-off, and I'll even let you choose the song. Deal?"

To make the Counselor De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You are useless".

The Counselor's De Esteem™ Reaction: Exchanges insults. Shrugs it off. Goes shopping.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Fun Times and Befriending™

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9. Can it be the Specialist - ISFP

The Specialist is the Saint Bernard

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

When you lock horns: For others, for your values.
When you do not lock horns: If it just comes down to preferences in a given situation.
Fight style: Appeal to others' emotions or values. Cut you off.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Aloof. While some call this pattern the adventurer, the average one is actually chilled and ultra-curious. But hate change. To those who prefer structure and rules, they might come across as too laid-back or aloof, but they cannot be bogged down by expectations or the norm. They would be well advised, if they are sensing frustration regardingthis issue, to open up the communication channels. A text thread never ruined one’s chill. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is confused, becomes explosive and then shuts down.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They are ruled by their emotions, which does cause them to have a bit of a short fuse. When they feel pushed in the wrong direction they will allow their emotions to take over. They live in the moment and this often helps them move on to the next thing. When they snap over something they will be capable of letting this go and will move on from this situation. While thay do have a short fuse, they do have a rather fast rebound rate for things that annoy them.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a moral value perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE SPECIALIST - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on moral values. Negotiates to reach a decision that is moral. This pattern is Phlegmatic people who are known for being amiable. They like to do things the easy way without ruffling feathers. They can be agreeable and sensitive to a fault and they like working in groups and building personal bridges. Never make a phlegmatic feel patronized; this person has an iron will and will shut down if you do. Instead, be patient and build rapport. Keep words and body language open. Focus your discussion on how the product or idea works. Emphasize how negotiation benefits both parties and stay away from too many statements about “my” product or “my” services. Otherwise, the phlegmatic might feel railroaded.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE SPECIALIST OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the tangent chaser! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "You have no choice." ◀ ◂
The Specialist is at a family gathering and everyone is discussing current events. The Specialist would really rather be listening to music on the couch, but they know it is the polite thing to take part in the conversation. The biggest problem revolves around one family member who is dominating the whole conversation with random theories and ideas that never seem to end. One minute they will be talking about the stock market, the next minute discussing life on other planets. Thee Specialist is not sure where all these ideas connect, but they do know it has nothing to do with anything remotely relevant. The Specialist tunes out of the conversation until there is a long enough break in the monologue for to excuse themselves or change the subject to something more practical. This would be a conversation with a Promoter or Agent. Do not be chasing tangents with the Specialist!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Understand while typically dislike conflict, they are often in no rush to reach closure as they appreciate the time needed to listen to everyone.
▶ Remember that they may not want to be tied down by a set procedure.
▶ Keep in mind their need to hear from others acceptance of their core values.
▶ Remember that they have difficulty with others offering a logical analysis that appears to overlook the possible negative impact on others.
▶ Remember that including others is often more important than the issue.
▶ Keep in mind that the amount of time they spend exploring people’s concerns can be frustrating for the Director, Developer, Enhancer and Objective Thinker whom they perceive as impatient to move on.
▶ Remember that their intention is to have everyone’s opinions, feelings, and values respected.

The main issue with conflict and a Specialist is their aversion to change unless given several decades of notice.

Overview: The Specialist is a sensitive type who dislikes disagreements and conflict and will not want to force their opinions onto others.

Bedrock Principles: Specialists are guided by an internal set of principles and values that are more important to them than the external day-to-day world.

Horn Locker™: Specialists tend to be individual contributors and rarely have organisational conflict. They are generally well-liked and have a defined role that they accomplish well but they hate change especially if it is sudden.

Approach: The Specialist is pretty easy-going and quick to follow the lead of others in working towards a goal; they are unlikely to engage in work-related conflicts,but do often feel upset in personal relationships. They hate fighting. They want to feel seen without it, like they do for others. So, they bury their own hurt allowing that pain to grow deeper and more profound. Often struggle to express themselves clearly, choosing instead to rely on actions; they will do anything for someone close, but will simply withdraw when they do not feel the care they need in return. Conflict should not always be avoided; sometimes, hashing it out openly is like ripping off a band-aid. One quick sting, but it will be over quickly and it's on to the path to healing. Should work on setting aside time to get feelings across clearly. Those who are close want to know.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Conformity.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: PRETENSION.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Ignoring the real you.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising, accommodating, or avoidant. Seeks to understand others’ feelings.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Social Comparison: When the ego has been damaged by some form of misfortune, you compare your plight to that of someone worse off than you to feel better. e.g. "I'm not as big as a sumo wrestler." [When attempting to lose weight and failing to do so].

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from pressures of life. Speak to a trusted friend after calming down.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
11/16. As we know, this pattern is free-spirited and fun who prefer to follow their heart. They do not enjoy condescending behaviour and strive to enjoy their lives. They dislike negativity and do not want to do anything that might hurt or upset someone else. They are caring people who will rarely be seen as condescending towards others. They might have moments where their strong morals cause them to become upset with someone else but they will try not to be condescending.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Specialist.
Holds in their anger and avoids the person they are mad at, possibly for the rest of their lives.
When angry, they suddenly become bossy and judgmental of others abilities and competency. They may become hypersensitive to slights, both real and imagined. They can kill you without touching you and without saying a word to you. They can be avoidant, very detached, no communication skills whatsoever, all the while convincing the other party that there was no problem. Until one day the Specialist might just snap and decide to cut the other party off without warning.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Specialist.
Explain to the opposing party why their feelings were hurt and then ask to hear their side of the situation.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Specialist actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would wrap themselves up in a blanket burrito and cry into their ice-cream.

How they treat a client - DON’T FIGHT FIRE (AVOID) - When a situation escalates, they tend to freeze up. They feel unprepared to deal with the heat that’s being thrown at them, so they either clam up or look for distractions.

"Mmhmm... right... mmm... yeah... totally..."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I'm sorry for the discord my actions caused. Let's paint a new canvas of understanding together, where our colours blend harmoniously."

To make the Specialist De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You do not have any talent".

The Specialist's De Esteem™ Reaction: Silence. The attacks will not alter anything immediately. May feel terrible if internal values are attacked. Will move away, very upset. "That awful person!"

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Avoidance of Change and Decsribing™

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10. Can it be the Investigator - INFJ?

The Investigator is the Greyhound

Adolf Hitler

When you lock horns: When you have been slighted or hurt too many times.
When you do not lock horns: When you are dealing with others’ heated emotions.
Fight style: Small mindedness, lack of tact. Famous for the door slam; ranked the best of all patterns.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Private. As the resident extraverted introvert, being there for friends is of the utmost importance. But while they have lots of friends, they find it hard to open up to them, instead focussing all of their time on the other persons' lives. By not opening up to those closest, it can seem as if there is no trust or value the relationship. They would be well advised to remember that sharing is caring. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is seen to zone out and provide passive-aggressive answers.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They do not usually have a short fuse as they can be rather patient. It takes a while for them to really build up to their explosive point but once it does blow it is rather intense. They try to avoid getting to this point and really just need to get time to themselves so that they do not become overwhelmed. When they feel that they are reaching this high stress point, they will certainly blow up if they do not get time alone to recharge and calm themselves down.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from an ethical perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE INVESTIGATOR - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on ethics. Negotiates to reach a deal that is the most ethical. This pattern is Phlegmatic people who are known for being amiable. They like to do things the easy way without ruffling feathers. They can be agreeable and sensitive to a fault and they like working in groups and building personal bridges. Never make a phlegmatic feel patronized; this person has an iron will and will shut down if you do. Instead, be patient and build rapport. Keep words and body language open. Focus your discussion on how the product or idea works. Emphasize how negotiation benefits both parties and stay away from too many statements about “my” product or “my” services. Otherwise, the phlegmatic might feel railroaded.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE INVESTIGATOR OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be overbearing! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "You are being too emotional." ◀ ◂
The Investigator is having in-laws/extended family/old friends over for a weekend. Initially, they are excited. But then they realize the guests idea of fun is re-organizing their kitchen (“there’s no order here!”), critiquing parenting style and talking over when they are trying to explain their position on something. Whether the guests are critiquing diet (“Shouldn’t you be eating fewer carbs?”) or your career choice (“Writers never make money – you should work at a bank or do something more practical!”) they seem to have “advice” for everything. Even if they might have some good advice to offer now and then the Investigator is so turned off by their dictatorial, patronizing tone that they cannot respect it. The guest is the Director or the Promoter and the Investigator will door-slam them - this is the last weekend. Do not be overbearing with the Investigator!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that they typically view conflict as a difficult or negative experience.
▶ Understand that for this pattern everyone’s feelings are important.
▶ Keep in mind that their rush to closure is likely motivated by a desire to make sure no one gets hurt rather than an objective assessment that everything is sorted out.
▶ Understand that it is only after they are certain everyone’s concerns and feelings have been given attention that they can begin to look at other factors.
▶ Keep in mind that ongoing ill will may prevent them from moving on easily.
▶ Be prepared to answer questions about how you are feeling, as it is important for them to know this.
▶ Remember that their intention is to make sure no one leaves with any lingering bitterness.

The Investigator dislikes conflict. However, when pushed too far can implement their famous door slam, after which you may as well not exist, but sometimes re-entry occurs.

Overview: The Investigator wants to understand people and how to get the best out of a situation so conflict is an anathema to them. However, they tend to not adapt well the slow pace and compromises of political work. Some end up leading their own revolutions.

Bedrock Principles: Investigators are perhaps the most visionary of types. They seek meaning in human relationships.

Approach: Investigators do quite well in civilised disagreements or debates, but do not like to feel like they are inciting conflict. Ever. They are so careful not to incite conflict that they sweep a lot of concerns under the carpet. They are prone to questioning whether or not they have misinterpreted something, because they want to believe the best of people. Typically only argue or disagree when someone’s story does not add up or when treated unjustly. If concerns are heard out, they are all for coming up with a good solution together, or trying to understand what happened. But the Investigator will back down if someone’s argument is more emphatic than theirs. Should stand their ground. Intuition on what is worth speaking up about is usually spot on.

Horn Locker™: Investigators do not often find themselves in conflict with other types as they avoid interactive teams. They are often physicians, clergy, professors and the like as these occupations are able to act independently. Conflict may centre around causes rather than committees, which the Investigator will always seek to avoid.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: External Conflict.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Pot stirring.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising, accommodating, or avoidant. Seeks to maintain relationships.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation:
Idealisation & Acting Out: Forming an inordinately high opinion of someone or something such that the qualities are perceived as being better than in actuality. This may involve focusing on the positive aspects of a situation while avoiding or downplaying the negative. Investigators set themselves up for disappointments due to unrealistic and delusional idealism and a fear of confronting painful or inconvenient truths. This leads to acting or shutting out, for which the Investigator is known. e.g. "I'll never speak to that person again."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time in peaceful, quiet environment. Speak to a trusted friend or write things down.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
8/16. As we know, this pattern dislikes condescending people and are rarely condescending themselves. They try to express that they do not feel superior to others and want to maintain a connection to people. They are compassionate people who are capable of empathizing with people no matter what mistakes they have made. This often causes them to avoid condescension towards others since they can often understand where they are coming from. The only times they will feel superior to someone else is when that person is cruel and continues to harm others. They can have proud aspects to their personalities but they try not to express those in a condescending way.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Investigator.
If slightly angered, retreats and ices out the opposing party. If deeply angered (this is rare), will use every one of the other person’s weaknesses against them until they have completely psychologically undermined them.
When upset, they get emotional and moody and may become overly critical and snippy. They can often become upset due to their propensity for soaking up and internalising the emotions of those around them both positive and negative.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Investigator.
Communicate openly with the person they are angry with in order to find a solution, rather than letting it reach a breaking point.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Investigator actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would foresee the possibilities about what and how things could go wrong, therefore, they would already come up with plans B, C and maybe D.

How they treat a client - DON’T FIGHT FIRE (AVOID) - When a situation escalates, they tend to freeze up. They feel unprepared to deal with the heat that’s being thrown at them, so they either clam up or look for distractions.

".....(sniffle)...."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I apologize from the depths of my soul. My actions were out of character and I will spend the next week analyzing my behaviour and making sure it never happens again. I truly value our connection." [Ed: More likely to doorslam you].

To make the Investigator De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are unworthy".

The Investigator's De Esteem™ Reaction: Tactlessly defends, for example, the social justice warrior outlook and may confuse facts with beliefs. Intolerant of alternate views, may tell the attacker to 'bugger off', but then likely to move on from the event.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Independence and Valuing™

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11. Can it be the Agent - INFP?

The Agent is the Tibetan Terrier

John Lennon

When you lock horns: When you have been repressing your feelings too long.
When you do not lock horns: When it is not important or when your feelings are hurt.
Fight style: Emotional outbursts.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Impractical. This idealist is a resident of La La Land and seeks harmony and optimism. While the sense of calm they create is soothing to some others, it is occasionally taken too far. When something captures their imagination, they have a tendency to neglect practical matters and live with their head in the clouds, which can annoy pragmatists. They would be well advised to take care of business and then get back to their sound therapy. Watch out for complaining and laziness. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is avoidant initially and then explodes.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They do sometimes have a bit of a short fuse and find themselves letting things out more openly. They do not try to hold it all in and this is often what helps them cope better when they are upset. They prefer to express themselves and if they are upset they will make this known. It might seem that they have a short fuse, they allow themselves to react to their emotions instead of bottling them up. They usually do not snap on people in such intense ways as someone who tries hard to keep it all in and appear so patient.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a moral value perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE AGENT - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on moral values. Negotiates to reach a decision that is moral. This pattern is Phlegmatic people who are known for being amiable. They like to do things the easy way without ruffling feathers. They can be agreeable and sensitive to a fault and they like working in groups and building personal bridges. Never make a phlegmatic feel patronized; this person has an iron will and will shut down if you do. Instead, be patient and build rapport. Keep words and body language open. Focus your discussion on how the product or idea works. Emphasize how negotiation benefits both parties and stay away from too many statements about “my” product or “my” services. Otherwise, the phlegmatic might feel railroaded.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE AGENT OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the social climber! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "I'm voting for Trump." ◀ ◂
The Agent thinks someone is their friend and they have begun to trust them with stories from their life. And then they meet a richer, more attractive or more successful person. Suddenly they never have time for the Agent's texts or phone calls. People who are always trying to climb the next rung on the ladder of social royalty know how to spout off a lot of inspirational or charismatic sayings – but it is all hollow to the Agent. There will always be someone higher up that they want to impress. When the Agent sees this quality in people, even if they are not someone who has been taken advantage of by them, the Agent will feel turned off and skeptical of everything they say. Do not be the social climber with the Agent!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Understand while typically dislike conflict, they are often in no rush to reach closure as they appreciate the time needed to listen to everyone.
▶ Remember that they may not want to be tied down by a set procedure.
▶ Keep in mind their need to hear from others acceptance of their core values.
▶ Remember that they have difficulty with others offering a logical analysis that appears to overlook the possible negative impact on others.
▶ Remember that including others is often more important than the issue.
▶ Keep in mind that the amount of time they spend exploring people’s concerns can be frustrating for the Director, Developer, Enhancer and Objective Thinker whom they perceive as impatient to move on.
▶ Remember that their intention is to have everyone’s opinions, feelings, and values respected.

The Agent has a bias to solving conflict with feelings and not with facts. They can seem to be permanently miserable even when the conflict is solved.

Overview: The Agent is the most adaptable of the patterns and will try everything to resolve conflict. They will see possibilities where others cannot.

Bedrock Principles: Agents are extremely insightful about people and share their insights with only the people they trust.

Approach: Agents are conflict avoiders. They are sensitive and empathetic, trying their best to avoid hurt and avoid inflicting pain on others. Their heart is their greatest strength. But they have to let others see the full extent of it and that means speaking up. They will handle conflict better if they take time to consider, gather exactly what they want to say and come back when things have cooled off. Articulate that need clearly to those close in order to reach more balanced resolutions.

Horn Locker™: Agents are generally very talented people in organisations and can excel in technology design and project management (although the last one is extremely difficult to believe). They have outstanding technical and interpersonal skills. Because they generally have strong boundaries and personal definitions that they do not articulate to others, they often confuse the 'judging types' - Investigators, Persuaders, Enhancers, Directors, Practitioners, Appraisers, Perfectionists and Directors who do not understand how they want to be engaged. Since they have strong inner expectations, they can be desperately unhappy or offended and no one knows why. Agents can be very difficult people to manage. Once they disconnect from people and situations, they are difficult to reconnect with. There is no more insightful and able person if an Agent is engaged in what they are doing.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Unimaginativeness.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: HYPOCRISY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Controlling behaviour.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to understand others’ opinions and feelings.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Avoidance: Avoiding anxiety-causing or stress-inducing situations, often because of perceiving oneself as incapable of confronting a problem directly. e.g. "I got cold feet om my wedding day and ran away."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time away from noise and crowds. Listen to familiar music. Speak to a trusted friend.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
9/16. As we know, this pattern tries hard to connect with others and is usually condescending people. They do not enjoy arrogance and value being able to understand others. They will be warm and compassionate towards those around them, especially when that person is struggling. They are very moral people and value their ideals deeply. When they appear condescending it is often because the people around them are being harmful to others and are not behaving in a very moral way. Only during those times will they seem as if they are acting a bit superior to others.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Agent.
Retreats to analyse the situation and determine whether or not they are overreacting. May give the silent treatment to the person they are upset with in the meantime.
When upset, their emotional distress is likely to disrupt their sleep and eating habits. They can become very touchy and avoidant of anything that brings them discomfort.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Agent.
Before retreating, tell the person they are upset with that their feelings have been hurt and that they require some alone time to process the situation. (Oxor comment: likely.)

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Agent actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would ask what is a plan in a world full of possibilities and entanglement of beautiful coincidences.

How they treat a client - FIGHT WITH ATOMIC BOMB (VOLATILE) - Their management of another person’s anger is unpredictable. They can sit and take it 99% of the time, but every once in a while something becomes too much. And when an attacker pushes them past that threshold, they tend to pay them back with interest.

"Yes, I understand.. Yes, I’m so sorry about that..I apologize.. I’m sorry you feel that way.. I’m sor- OKAY FCUK that.. COME AT ME BRO!"

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I deeply regret any pain that I've caused. I promise to channel my inner empath and strive for a more compassionate path moving forward."

To make the Agent De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are not a good person".

The Agent's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively and resolutely promotes, for example, the social justice warrior outlook without any respect for alternate views. "How dare you disagree"!!

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Space Cadetship and Dreaming™

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12. Can it be the Achiever - ISTP?

The Achiever is the Bassett Hound

Hugh Jackman.

When you lock horns: When someone is truly out of line.
When you do not lock horns: Pretty much your typical MO.
Fight style: Direct.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Insensitive. Logic and practicality are two of their biggest strengths and the reason for being considered a rock by those around them. Because of an almost clinical approach to life and relationships, they can find it hard to relate to people who act with their heart first and their head second. In highly delicate situations, it is easy to observe that they speak before they think or send that thunderous email before they think as well. The bad temper does have a long fuse but... Thinking before acting could save some skin in the long run. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is disinterested, appears cold and is snarky, sarcastic, impertinent or irreverent in tone or manner. Possessor of a violent temper but it is rather difficult for them to lose control of it.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They do not usually have short fuses, instead they try to let things go. They live in the moment and do their best to avoid getting to hung up on negativity. They do become impatient with people but, in these situations they just try to get away from them. They prefer to be on their own most of the time, since this helps them avoid feeling agitated by people and their occasional ignorance. They are happiest when they have plenty of time to themselves, dealing with the things that bring them joy and excitement. We warn you that when they lose it, it is BIG TIME. This can show up in sharp, dismissive remarks or in actual physical tension (clenching fists, throwing items, etc.) They may even try to have a physical altercation with the individual. This is the client for anger management counselling.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a logical perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE ACHIEVER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on logic. Negotiates with an eye for what is logical. This pattern is Phlegmatic people who are known for being amiable. They like to do things the easy way without ruffling feathers. They can be agreeable and sensitive to a fault and they like working in groups and building personal bridges. Never make a phlegmatic feel patronized; this person has an iron will and will shut down if you do. Instead, be patient and build rapport. Keep words and body language open. Focus your discussion on how the product or idea works. Emphasize how negotiation benefits both parties and stay away from too many statements about “my” product or “my” services. Otherwise, the phlegmatic might feel railroaded.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE ACHIEVER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the self-congratulatory intellectual! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Do it my way." ◀ ◂
The Achiever is taking a guided tour of a historical site with a friend. Several times throughout the tour, a self-proclaimed professor interrupts the tour guide to interject his thoughts, opinions or theories related to the tour. These thoughts seem to trail off in several unrelated ways and the Achiever cannot help but roll their eyes. Tours are boring enough most of the time (the Achiever would rather learn about things on their own) without this smug arrogant boaster exploiting more of your time with their useless ramblings. This person is likely to be the Perfectionist. Do not be the self-congratulatory intellectual in the presence of the Achiever!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ As their tolerance of conflict situations is higher than that of most, do not be surprised if they see conflict as a challenge or as healthy.
▶ Remember that the process of addressing the conflict is as important as the outcome.
▶ Keep in mind that comfort with exploring means they will be in no rush to reach closure.
▶ Understand that they will express feelings only when they are sure everyone present can be trusted.
▶ Be careful not to get overly frustrated with your perception of them changing the rules of engagement.
▶ Remember that they are acutely aware of where the power lies in any situation and will fluctuate between needing to have access to the power and supporting the underdog.
▶ Remember that their intention is to ensure the conflict has been explored from all angles.

The Achiever is very good at solving conflict.

Overview: The Achiever is tolerant and flexible and will use facts, not feelings, when it comes to managing conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Achievers are natural observers. When they see a problem in their general surroundings, they have already been observing it and step forward to solve it.

Approach: Achievers are great in disagreements that are logical and systematic in nature which makes them really great at resolving conflict at work and coming to appropriate solutions. However, they are very skeptical dealing with arguments with emotional bents—about romantic relationships, someone telling them their feelings were hurt, etc. because they do not trust decisions made based on emotions. While they do not have to make personal decisions emotionally, it is important to learn to listen and honour each person’s perspective, emotional or not.

Horn Locker™: AchieverS have few natural enemies among other personality types in organisations. They are normally conflict averse, socially skilled and have an easy wit. Since their work style is reactive in the best sense of the word, they are natural troubleshooters and problem solvers. They run into problems with 'judging' types - Investigators, Persuaders, Enhancers, Directors, Practitioners, Appraisers, Perfectionists and Directors who require advanced planning. They do not do well in strategy meetings or long term planning roles and may become withdrawn in most types of long range planning meetings. They do not react well to hierarchies or chains of command.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Neediness.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: MANIPULATION.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Dishonesty.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to move on from conflict.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Passive Aggression: Difficulty or reluctance in expressing anger directly either due to social inhibition or fear of punitive repercussions. e.g. "I’m not mad. No. You are stupid."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from it all. Speak to a trusted friend who will not question your feelings.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
13/16. As we know, this pattern is analytical and laid back and who enjoy having their own space. They do not like to put pressure on other people since they dislike feeling that pressure in return. They do not enjoy being arrogant or condescending towards anyone and prefer to give people the chance to be themselves. They like having freedom in their lives which is why they do not want to condescend to someone else. They do have sarcastic personalities but they definitely are not condescending.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Achiever.
Ignores the actual person they are mad at and engages in a sensory experience that takes their mind off the issue - e.g. drinking, fighting, exercising.
When upset, they will withdraw and become more quiet and detached from others. They tend not to express what is bugging them preferring instead to reflect and figure things out for themselves, perhaps while doing things they enjoy.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Achiever.
Find a healthy physical outlet for their anger (e.g. exercise) and then find a solution to the problem that initially angered them.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Achiever actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would ask 'who?'

How they treat a client - DON’T FIGHT FIRE (AVOID) - When a situation escalates, they tend to freeze up. They feel unprepared to deal with the heat that’s being thrown at them, so they either clam up or look for distractions.

"Okay, but did you see that video of the baby trying a lemon for the first time? No, you can keep yelling if you’d like, I just thought I’d send you the link while you yell."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "My bad, I guess I was too busy fixing that car to notice your feelings. I'll try to be more present next time. And maybe, if you're into it, we can work on your car together?"

To make the Achiever De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You cannot figure anything out".

The Achiever's De Esteem™ Reaction: Will be passive aggressive and hold the other side to the facts. Have the attitude of 'do not mess with me'.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Work / Life Imbalance and Building™

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13. Can it be the Practitioner - ISFJ?

The Practitioner is the Alaskan Malamute

Mother Teresa

When you lock horns: When you are at the very end of your long fuse.
When you do not lock horns: You would always prefer not to tell anyone.
Fight style: Quietly pushes back, often with passive-aggressiveness.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Too Set In Own Views. Oxor™ was surprised many years ago how a seemingly great exterior is a veneer. They are actually rusetd on to the past. Considering how warm and protective they are, it is no wonder that everyone sees them as a reassuring figure. They are sure of themselves and their ways, which can make them seem skeptical of outside perspectives. They live in a frictionless world and upsetting this exposes them. While they do not have to change their way of thinking permanently, they would be well advised that it cannot actually hurt to try on another style for the length of a dessert course, can it? You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is panicky, disagreeable and passive-aggressive. Reputation as the most passive-aggressive of all patterns and this is quite easy to pick.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They can have a short fuse, even though they try not to let this become apparent. Normally they will attempt to let things slide and do their best to take care of their loved ones. They do not want to do anything that might upset those around them but there are times when they can feel overwhelmed. If they have gone too long feeling unappreciated and overworked, including in the workplace, then they develop a very short fuse and find themselves on edge.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from an ethical perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE PRACTITIONER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on ethics. Negotiates to reach a deal that is the most ethical. Melancholic people are often called clinicians because they analyze everything, sometimes too much. They love order and want everything perfect. This type of person wants to know the details and feel secure. Successful negotiation with a melancholic depends on details. Present both the positives and negatives of your product or idea and give specific reasons why they need it. Allow them time to think through a decision and show interest in building deep rapport.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE PRACTITIONER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the uninvited advice giver! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "I don't need you." ◀ ◂
The Practitioner has had a terrible day and they just need someone to talk to. They ran late for work, got a flat tyre and now are having severe relationship problems. Rather than providing empathy, your friend critiques the car you are driving, your morning routine and offers over-simplified wisdom about how to handle your relationship problems. They seem to lack any nuance in their insight. They seem to take the breadth and scope of your problems and completely ignore the complexity only to offer trite platitudes and suggestions that are not only patronizing but miss the point entirely. When people only listen in an effort to correct and “guide” the Practitioner, they can only cringe inside and hope their monologue of a lesson is soon over. Do not be the uninvited advice giver of the Practitioner!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that they typically view conflict and criticism as a difficult or negative experience.
▶ Understand that for this pattern everyone’s feelings are important.
▶ Keep in mind that their rush to closure is likely motivated by a desire to make sure no one gets hurt rather than an objective assessment that everything is sorted out.
▶ Understand that it is only after they are certain everyone’s concerns and feelings have been given attention that they can begin to look at other factors.
▶ Keep in mind that ongoing ill will may prevent them from moving on easily.
▶ Be prepared to answer questions about how you are feeling, as it is important for them to know this.
▶ Remember that their intention is to make sure no one leaves with any lingering bitterness.

The Practitioner is very difficult to deal with as they operate as if the environment was frictionless. They are the passive-aggressive masters. They are followers and not leaders as they do not like making a decision unless there is consensus, which is almost never the case.

Overview: The Practitioner will want a harmonious environment so will do anything to resolve conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Practitioners are intensely committed to individuals and small groups with whom they have formed relationships. They are nurturing in their approach and work steadily to fulfill their needs.

Approach: The Practitioner will draw on their wealth of knowledge about others’ preferences and personalities, attempting to avoid conflict before they ever start. Most people are unaware of their behind-the-scenes mediation for friends or how they explain to those close how reactive your teenager is after a rough week. They side-stepping conflict, they shoulder too much conflict for others causing stress when the problem needs to me met head on. This is unlikely. Watch for passive aggression and procrastination. They also need to work on articulating their own feelings in arguments which is often forgotten when trying to please others.

Horn Locker™: The Practitioner may (will) clash with types that put organisational progress above people. The Practitioner may be firm allies with 'feeling' types - Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Specialist, Counselor, Appraiser and other Practitioners who believe that rules should take people and situations into account. They may clash with the Developer, Director, Enhancer and Inspirational who are more likely to put the organisation above the individual because they believe it protects the greater good of people, even if it hurts a few people.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Inconsistent People.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: APATHY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Instability.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to resolve conflict and avoid offence.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Reaction Formation, Undoing, Passive Aggression: Overcompensation for unwanted or unacceptable thoughts, feelings or impulses by going out their way to express the opposite of what they actually feel or want. e.g. "I love my boss and my job." [When neither is true]. "(Inserted unexpected insult) - but I do not man that in a derogatory way." [When that is exactly what it is!].

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time alone not worrying what others need or think. Speak to a trusted friend. Write down feelings.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
3/16. As we know, this pattern is warm and affectionate at the start who simply want to provide for their loved ones. They do not want to come off as condescending and try hard to avoid anything that might hurt others. While they try hard not to be condescending, they might have moments where their morals make them seem this way. If they feel as if someone is not doing what they should be doing, they may try to coerce them in what they hope is a subtle way. Sometimes this subtlety can seem totally condescending to others, which is not their intention but they are the self serving saint after all.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Practitioner.
Holds their anger in, convincing themselves that they can just get over it, but then lets it out subtly, in passive-aggressive bouts.
When upset, they withdraw and become quieter than usual and may harbor much of their negative feelings inside. They may shrink away from socialising and immerse themselves in mindless cleaning and organizing to distract from their issues.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Practitioner.
Communicate their hurt to the opposite party and brainstorm ways to avoid repeating it in the future.

What you should do if you are in the Practitioner's Horn Locker™.
Initially. It is difficult to be in conflict with a Practitioner. They treasure their close friends a lot but they are the most sociable of the introverted patterns - Patterns 9 - 16. Practitioners absolutely detest conflict.
Type of conflict - sincere or insincere. A Practitioner will try to diffuse the situation by not having a constructive argument but rather to propose something which can make the other parties happy instead. Lighten the mood - e.g. drinks, dinner, movie etc..
It turns to conflict. The Practitioner will analyse and see if the points made are logical and if it makes sense to their own personal judgment. Do not be at all surprised if the Practitioner 'runs away' (a passive-aggressive tactic), if they feel the other party does not appreciate them, to process what has happened and ponder before contacting the other party again in an attempt to resolve the situation.
End of conflict. The Practitioner hopes like hell that the problem will have gone away and that will end it all. Do not be surprised if the Practitioner delays action to resolve conflict. This may leave issues simmering. This is unsatisfactory in many instances when timely action is what is required!!

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Practitioner actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would wake up when September ends because they are probably sleeping.

How they treat a client - DON’T FIGHT FIRE (AVOID) - When a situation escalates, they tend to freeze up. They feel unprepared to deal with the heat that’s being thrown at them, so they either clam up or look for distractions.

"I mean, you probably had a pretty good reason for wanting to set me on fire and you seem to be enjoying yourself now so I’ll just let you do you it."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I'm really, really, sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I promise I'll make it up to you by doing all your laundry for a week. Seriously, let me help you."

To make the Practitioner De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are unreliable".

The Practitioner's De Esteem™ Reaction: Gets very upset if it places the Practitioner not being seen as the expert. Might sympathise with some of the attacker's points.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Apparent Expertise and Supporting™

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14. Can it be the Objective Thinker - ISTJ?

The Objective Thinker is the Bernese Mountain Dog

Warren Buffett

When you lock horns: When someone wants to change your way of doing things.
When you do not lock horns: When you are not confident about a given subject matter.
Fight style: Reactive.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Unwilling To Compromise. This pattern is hardly spontaneous and that is fine. To the people around them, they are a loyal and dependable person. But sometimes their rigidity can manifest into a follow the rules mentality. They often believe there is one right way (theirs) and things must be done that way. Plans are great, but sometimes they change. They would be well advised to work on being okay with being a little flexible from time to time. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is easily irritable, judgmental and then shuts down.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They do have a somewhat short fuse, especially since they become impatient with people fairly easily. They value intelligence and efficiency and really do not appreciate people who have a poor work ethic. They value people who put in a lot of effort and who are capable. They can lose their temper when people are just plain lazy or when they continue to take advantage of those around them. They also need time to themselves in order to recharge and when they do not get this their fuse becomes even shorter.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value - this pattern sees matters from a rational perspective then seeks closure.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE OBJECTIVE THINKER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on rationale. Negotiates to reach the most rational decision. Melancholic people are often called clinicians because they analyze everything, sometimes too much. They love order and want everything perfect. This type of person wants to know the details and feel secure. Successful negotiation with a melancholic depends on details. Present both the positives and negatives of your product or idea and give specific reasons why they need it. Allow them time to think through a decision and show interest in building deep rapport.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE OBJECTIVE THINKER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :


▸ ▶ Be the sucker upper and one who falls for a sucker upper! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Let's just wing it." ◀ ◂
The Objective Thinker is in line for a promotion at work and has busted their back to put in their best work in for over five years. The other person in the running is trying to win approval for themselves by complimenting your boss for everything from their notably terrible hairstyle to their extraordinarily average car. The Objective Thinker knows what they are up to, but they also know that their methods are giving them an advantage in the situation. Either way, the Objective Thinker will not stoop to their level. The Objective Thinker could never give out empty praise without meaning it. The lack of integrity is astounding – and even worse is the person who takes it seriously. Maybe a career change is the solution. With a competitor. Do not be the sucker upper in dealing with the Objective Thinker!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that most believe they are right and may be stubborn when confronting an alternate point of view.
▶ All will want a quick resolution, but do not brush aside important matters solely to move on.
▶ Keep in mind that their objectivity will allow all to find a way out of a conflict but may not limit its underlying emotional impact.
▶ Encourage everyone to give time to listen to each viewpoint.
▶ Do not interpret succinct responses as being abrupt or disrespectful.
▶ Remember that it will be difficult to create an environment in which it is safe to express emotions.
▶ As this pattern believes that once a conflict is over, it is over, do not miss opportunities to say what you need to say now.
▶ Do not circle back and run the issue around again. You will be given the short shrift.

The Objective Thinker thrives on reassurance.

Overview: The Objective Thinker is practical and logical who will want to see an outcome to any conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Objective Thinkers begin making sense of any situation by gathering and interpreting data. They are the 'gate keepers' of organisations. They want data to justify decisions. Past performance indicates future success. Traditions are to be respected and rules are to be kept.

Approach: The Objective Thinker is typically pretty soft spoken, but are prone to arguments and conflict if someone does something they feel is irrational or is not in line with their articulated values. They need to remember that life and people are always evolving; what they have done in the past may not be a true indication of how they will act in the future and that is okay. Objective Thinkers cannot always work from a model. If they disagree, they work on piecing together the logic of a person’s argument. The Objective Thinker is always better at handling disagreements factually rather than emotionally.

Horn Locker™: Objective Thinkers tend to clash with those who are future oriented and often unimpressed with past data. These are the Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Enhancer, Developer, Perfectionist and Inspirational. These intuitive types may see the Objective Thinker as an obstructionist to progress.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Unpredictable situations.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: INSTABILITY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Lots of change.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; be satisfied once the conflict is over. Can be compromising, accommodating or avoidant. Seeks to obtain an effective outcome, but hesitant to start an argument.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Repression: This defense is an subconscious or conscious attempt to forget or block out thoughts, feelings, impulses or memories that are perceived as threatening or undesirable. e.g. "No, I do not remember it being that bad. Are you sure that you are remembering it correctly?"

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Balance time alone and with a trusted person. Speak to a trusted friend who is a good listener.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
4/16. As we know, this pattern is down to esrth and certainly does not want to be condescending. They are intelligent and focussed who are more interested in maintaining their own goals and responsibilities. They are more reserved people who strive to be respectful towards others. While they are not arrogant, there are moments when they can appear a bit condescending. But this only happens because they are very aware of what they know and are jammed full of facts. They will try to inform people in a way that might seem a bit condescending. But this can be mailly to the many ignorant people out there.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Objective Thinker.
They oscillate between ignoring the person they are angry with and directing subtle yet cruel and / or belittling comments their way.
When upset, they can become flustered and have a nervous breakdown. They may cope by trying to rationalise and convince themselves that things are not so bad.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Objective Thinker.
Ask the person they are upset with to explain their point of view – and then share their own in a non-confrontational manner.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Objective Thinker actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would probably kill the plans if they ever dare go wrong.

How they treat a client - FIRE WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER (PACIFY) - They are the pattern that would sing a bear a lullaby while it is trying to bite off your legs. They care more about resolving the conflict than they do about 'winning' and they can handle a lot of heat from others, without becoming angry.

"Now you said you wanted to light me on fire because I did not deliver the acorns the way you wanted, but if you reread our emails you will see that I delivered them the way that we had previously agreed."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I'm sorry, I take full responsibility for my actions. I promise to stick to the plan next time and not let my wild side come out, even if it's just for a second."

To make the Objective Thinker De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are inconsistent".

The Objective Thinker's De Esteem™ Reaction: Considers the attacks not to be very nice. Stares back and leaves.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Data and Operating™

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15. Can it be the Perfectionist - INTP?

The Perfectionist is the Papillon

Albert Einstein

When you lock horns: When you think someone is incorrect.
When you do not lock horns: When you are tuned out.
Fight style: Calm, cool, matter-of-fact.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Seeming Detached. This pattern is both intellectual and independent and sometimes finds it hard to connect with others. To more extraverted patterns (i.e Patterns 1-8), this can make them seem disinterested. They have a tendency to get so caught up in their logic that they forget any kind of emotional consideration. They would be well advised that when they feel misunderstood in certain situations, an email explaining actual feelings goes a long way. (And this can be done when alone!) You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is very critical and nitpicking then becomes cold and disinterested.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN: They try not to seem like they have a short fuse and usually attempt to let things roll off. They actually do have a bit of a short fuse often because they attempt to bury their emotions. They simply have a lot going on inside their head and this can make it challenging for them to handle outside issues all that well. They do not like being someone who is impatient and loses their temper but it does happen a bit. They can feel themselves becoming frustrated and on edge but they will try not to snap all that easily.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Create Space - this pattern wants to understand all points of view and sees matters from a logical perspective.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE PERFECTIONIST - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on logic. Negotiates with an eye for what is logical. Melancholic people are often called clinicians because they analyze everything, sometimes too much. They love order and want everything perfect. This type of person wants to know the details and feel secure. Successful negotiation with a melancholic depends on details. Present both the positives and negatives of your product or idea and give specific reasons why they need it. Allow them time to think through a decision and show interest in building deep rapport.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE PERFECTIONIST OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the compliment fisher! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Because I said so." ◀ ◂
The Perfectionist is scrolling through Facebook and suddenly sees an absolutely stunning photo of a friend. They looks better than usual, but the caption for the photo says, “Au Naturale today! Been working out since 5am. No excuses. But I know I look terrible – don’t judge me!” In the picture the friend is clearly at their best and has definitely touched up certain imperfections on Photoshop. The Perfectionist has got nothing against people who want compliments, but why can’t they just come right out and say it? Manipulating people into saying, “No! You look AMAZING!” is cringe-worthy. People who manipulate and bend the truth for minor things like compliments seem completely untrustworthy. Do not fish for compliments from the Perfectionist!

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ As their tolerance of conflict situations is higher than that of most, do not be surprised if they see conflict as a challenge or as healthy.
▶ Remember that the process of addressing the conflict is as important as the outcome.
▶ Keep in mind that comfort with exploring means they will be in no rush to reach closure.
▶ Understand that they will express feelings only when they are sure everyone present can be trusted.
▶ Be careful not to get overly frustrated with your perception of them changing the rules of engagement.
▶ Remember that they are acutely aware of where the power lies in any situation and will fluctuate between needing to have access to the power and supporting the underdog.
▶ Remember that their intention is to ensure the conflict has been explored from all angles.

The Perfectionist has the reputation of being the most difficult consumer and will come prepared with a semi-trailer full of information.

Overview: The Perfectionist will use logic and facts to solve problems but is not great dealing with people.

Bedrock Principles: Perfectionists are intellectually oriented people and like to 'get to the bottom of things'. Their mental tendency is to go to the heart of things to examine underlying detail.

Approach: The Perfectionist is calm, collected and analytical in arguments. They will state the facts and what they mean to them, clearly and poignantly. Their biggest struggle is accepting emotional arguments. Since they think decisions should be made on logic alone, they often do not want to succumb to any appeal to feelings. They need to remember that some people lead with their heart, not their head. While they might not relate, everyone is strung up differently and may even be better equipped to make decisions when it comes to interpersonal matters. When arguing a point, consider who it affects and who knows most about the repercussions. Since the Perfectionist is not always the first to empathise, it is helpful to notice those who passionately advocate for the human side of things and listen to them before making a judgment call.

Horn Locker™: The Perfectionist is able to drill down into projects, issues and situations to find those elements that do not line up with the overall plan. They can be excellent educators and writers. Perfectionist can run foul with outcome oriented types, such as the Director and the Developer, together with other types that have conflict with the Perfectionist when they feel that the Perfectionist wants to call back the train after it has left the station. Perfectionists never feel it is too late to have that post-mortem meeting or to begin at ground zero again.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Emotional Demands.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: NARROW-MINDEDNESS.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Meaningless activities.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks understanding of others’ ideas.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Intellectualisation: Devaluing the emotional aspects of a situation and sterilising it with the antiseptic of logic and reason. e.g. "Now my roommate suddenly has moved out, I'll conduct a detailed financial analysis of how much I can afford to spend now that I'm on my own."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time in nature. Speak to a trusted friend.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
10/16. As we know, this pattern is analytical and value precision and accuracy over emotion. They can sometimes appear condescending if they trying to educate someone, especially if that person does not seem very aware of the information. They have huge scopl here. They do attempt to help others but sometimes their assistance can seem condescending and even arrogant. They are intelligent people and struggle when it comes to compromising especially with information they know to be accurate. They do not want to abandon truth simply for the sake of someone’s feelings which can appear a bit condescending at times.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Perfectionist.
Ignores their anger for years at a time until they eventually snap unexpectedly and spew snarky insults about the opposing party’s intelligence, or lack thereof.
When upset, they ignore things that get under their skin until the issue reaches boiling point. They become more passive aggressive and sarcastic, but will hardly admit to having a problem.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Perfectionist.
Take note of when and why they are feeling angry, rather than pushing it down, in order to avoid outbursts.

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Perfectionist actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would probably working with or for the Enhancer.

How they treat a client - FIRE WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER (PACIFY) - They are the pattern that would sing a bear a lullaby while it’s trying to bite off your legs. They care more about resolving the conflict than they do about 'winning' and they can handle a lot of heat from others, without becoming angry.

"I’d like to get around this, but I can’t talk to you when you’re holding that burning torch. Let’s just set it down gently.. there you go. Here are a few ways to actually solve the problem."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "My apologies for the oversight. I'll update my internal algorithms to prevent such errors in the future. Perhaps we can discuss quantum mechanics over coffee to make amends?"

To make the Perfectionist De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not very smart".

The Perfectionist's De Esteem™ Reaction: Seeks understanding. May be recruited as a first follower in some sort of movement after questioning labels such as 'conscientious objector'.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Mad Science, Reasoning and Impracticality™.

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16. Can it be the Enhancer - INTJ?

The Enhancer is a Lone Wolf

Mark Zuckerberg

When you lock horns: When someone is incorrect about a subject you know well or blatantly states beliefs as facts.
When you do not lock horns: When the outcome feels irrelevant.
Fight style: Proof. Nothing more. It is all about the facts and data and not the fog (spelt PHOG) - (Perception, hearsay, opinion and guess). Will door slam, if required, others are not loyal nor worth their time. This will mean that the person never existed for the Enhancer.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY ☢ ToXiC ☢ REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Cold. This pattern is the most independent, private and strategic one. They are not exactly the warm fuzzy type (which is fine) but this can (always) comes off to more sensitive types as standoffish or cold. When meeting new people, they read the room but their sarcasm and dark humour will be more of a hit with some rather than others. They would be well advised to goo for the one-on-one conversations to really show off this dry wit and smart observations. Or not attend. You learned this from Oxor™.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY REACTION IN CONFLICT TO OBSERVE WITH THIS PATTERN: Is likely to shut down or be cold and very sarcastic.

FRIGHTENINGLY EASY TO UNDERSTAND FUSE LENGTH FOR THIS PATTERN:They can sometimes appear to have a short fuse since they do not any patience at all for ignorance and idiots. They have no tolerance for people who bring up stale and / or resolved issues for the same stupid reasons. People who do the same foolish things and just do not use their minds can be very annoying. They do sometimes have a short fuse and find themselves becoming very impatient towards people at the end of the day. They also need a lot of time to themselves to recharge and, without it, they become overwhelmed and truly annoyed. As Oxor™ says the "Be brief, be bright and be gone" is the way to eliminate measuring the fuse length of this pattern.

EMERGENCY STRATEGY WHEN DEALING WITH THIS PATTERN: Add Value; only add value - this pattern sees matters from a strategic and rational perspective then seeks closure.

More detailed strategy when dealing with this pattern:

▶ Remember that most Enhancers believe they are right (and generally are) and may be stubborn when confronting an alternate point of view.
▶ All will want a quick resolution, but do not brush aside important matters solely to move on.
▶ Keep in mind that their objectivity will allow all to find a way out of a conflict but may not limit its underlying emotional impact.
▶ Encourage everyone to give time to listen to each viewpoint.
▶ Do not interpret succinct responses as being abrupt or disrespectful.
▶ Remember that it will be difficult to create an environment in which it is safe to express emotions.
▶ As this pattern believes that once a conflict is over, it’s over, do not miss opportunities to say what you need to say now.
▶ Do not circle back and run the issue around again and again. You will be given the short shrift - a rapid and unsympathetic dismissal.
▶ Do ask about their perceptions about an event, a person or an idea.
▶ Do ask philosophical questions.
▶ If they have a book with them, ask them about it; but only if you actually want to know what the book is about or they are reading about.. Warning: If you are trying to merely be polite leave them alone because they hate when this happens. They figure that you are not actually interested and it is a waste of time trying to explain. Or you go "I don’t like books/non-fiction/fiction" after the explanation has been given.
▶ Do ask about any subject in which the Enhancer has previously indicated an interest; especially their hobbies.
▶ Do tell an interesting story that happened to you and then ask for their feedback.
▶ Do tell a clever joke. But never fart jokes or equivalent.
▶ Do discuss your goals and ask them how they think you can reach those goals.

Oxor Piss On Factor™. DO THIS TO SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATE WITH THE ENHANCER - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

Makes decisions based on strategic factors. Negotiate to reach the most rational decision. Melancholic people are often called clinicians because they analyze everything, sometimes too much. They love order and want everything perfect. This type of person wants to know the details and feel secure. Successful negotiation with a melancholic depends on details. Present both the positives and negatives of your product or idea and give specific reasons why they need it. Allow them time to think through a decision and show interest in building deep rapport.

Oxor Piss Off Factor™. DO THIS TO PISS THE ENHANCER OFF - WE GUARANTEE SUCCESS! :

▸ ▶ Be the uninvited flatterer! ◀ ◂

▸ ▶ Say: "Everything is out of control." ◀ ◂
The Enhancer is sitting at their desk when a co-worker pops their head in the door to ask them a question. But instead of getting directly to the point, they compliment your shirt (which is plain white), praise your office décor and ask a lot of trivial questions. This would not necessarily be so bad except the Enhancer knows that they do this with everyone. They flatter, compliment and praise simply so that they can get praise in return. This level of insecurity and people-pleasing is a huge turn-off for the Enhancer who will have a hard time accepting anything they say with any sincerity whatsoever because of being so unimpressed by their shallow and fake approach. Do not be the flatterer of the Enhancer!
Other Piss Off Factors™:
1. Being asked awkward questions that are totally no one else's business. Doing
2. Being continually disappointed in people who are inert and humanity in general, again and again and again.
3. Observing reconfirmation of how people are not only not improving but also are not willing to, again and again and again.
4. Reading history books or other literature and finding the same stupid things are being repeated in the present.

The Enhancer could not care about criticism but you would be wise never to blame an Enhancer, nor start a conflict, in a situation when it was clearly not their fault.
They are like Teflon; do not get caught up in wasting energy in pontificating on what other people think of them or how they are evaluated or compared with.

Overview: The Enhancer can be quite skeptical and have high standards, so it could be hard for them to resolve conflict.

Bedrock Principles: One of the brainiest of types, Enhancers find and use abstract models to explain physical reality. They do not create concepts so much. They look for simple and elegant models and then apply them.

Approach: The Enhancer can seem like a know-it-all, but that is usually because they only air their opinions when they have taken time to think through why they hold a given belief. Strongly defensive of own point of view, but open to being persuaded if someone provides a more logical perspective. When it comes to emotional arguments, the Enhancer will struggle. They might get defensive with those close as they are acting out of hurt instead of hearing their side. If a partner articulates their needs they should not to take it as a personal attack on their love. Instead, the Enhancer should listen to how they can do better and think of it as a challenge; determining a plan and taking action is their strength.

Horn Locker™: Enhancers gather great backing in an organisation because of their intellectual ability to grasp complicated issues and to suggest elegant solutions. They tend to be the 'ivory tower type'. They may come into conflict with action types such as the Director, Results, Appraiser and Counselor who value action over intellect. The Enhancer's interest is infinite, but not their attention span. They may become suddenly disinterested in a project or initiative.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Improvisation. Unreliability of others not keeping to commitments.

Horn Locker™ reason that really sets them off. They fight against: STAGNANCY.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Surprises.

Horn Locker Grima™ - what others do that Enhancers, such as Elizabeth Hunter™, do not like:
** The Interrogators. ** Director, Developer, Results, Inspirational. The Enhancer likes quality conversations and is usually quite happy to answer any questions. But not spitfire questions - a response with two words that results in an interjection with another question or two. This repeats. They would prefer to ignore but eventually it turns into "Why are you so quiet?" or "Don’t ignore me!".
The solution is to slow it down before the Enhancer gets on their bike, which they will.
** The Time Thieves / Time Wasters. ** Appraiser, Promoter, Investigator, Specialist, Agent. This comes in all types of flavours, but the common thread is needlessly carrying on when there is no more need to continue talking. Typically, someone will ask a question, the Enhancer will give an answer and have to circle back so they can explain why they did not know it or were wrong.
The solution If you need an answer. Here it is. Then move on.
** The Prying Crowbars. ** Persuader. The Enhancer does not want to discuss their personal life all the time. While 'making conversation' is fine, others do not need to know about private life, address, religious or political views etc. when there is no reason for it. The Enhancer will not hand someone a bunch of labels to describe themselves. The exception is when others have been checked out satisfactorily and entry through the tortoise shell/ granite block / tall walls exterior is granted after being vetted with a microscope.
The solution is to move away from the conversation.
** The Blowhards or Fake Experts. ** Achiever, Practitioner, Objective Thinker, Perfectionist, Enhancer. If there is a subject or topic that the Enhancer does not care about, it is painfully tedious. e.g. A long dissertation as to why sugar is bad; details about the health of someone who is not known; going over items that have previously been dealt with. Accolades, awards, medals, superfluous degrees hold little to no value (unless they are a means to an end). The Enhancer is far less interested in what a framed piece of paper says; they want an actual expert opinion.
The solution is to get the subject back on track. In a meeting situation, ask the Chair to do this.
** The Megaphone. ** Counselor. The touchy/feely types and those with no volume control. If someone is talking from outside the house, they are talking too loud. If you cannot tell me a story without putting your hand on my shoulder, you are too close as Enhancers want personal space. Many Enhancers are overwhelmed by intense external stimuli such as large crowds, loud noises, people forced into their personal space; all of these things can be problematic at times.
The solution is to avoid and get away from all of this by putting the headphones on and closing the eyes.
The extraverts are the equivalent to leaving your car's headlights on.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising, accommodating or avoidant. Seeks closure but hesitant to start an argument.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Rationalisation: Unwilling to accept blame and may unconsciously reframe a problematic situation in such a way that falsely justifies their actions or underestimates their role in the conflict. e.g. "I lost my temper because of a situation that was totally outside my control. I hold the boss accountable for provoking me."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from commotion and noise. Speak to a trusted friend. Cancel non important events.

Horn Locker™ Condescending and Judgmental ranking plus remarks:
7/16. As we know, this pattern is confident people and strive to learn and understand as much as they can. They are always working hard to understand information and dislike feeling ignorant in any situation. They have active and analytical inner minds which makes them very aware people. Sometimes they can be a bit condescending, just because of the knowledge that they have amassed. This is not something that they do intentionally, but their confidence in the information can come off a bit arrogant to others. Annoyingly, they are often correct. They simply want to be accurate and find that it is important to inform others when they can.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Enhancer.
Decides the person they are mad at is incompetent and ices them out. Rare to get an Enhancer angry, but if that happens the other person is probably 99% in the wrong.
When upset, they tend not to show what they are feeling. When upset, they will likely withdraw and become more quiet than usual. They will sulk if restrained. They will likely go for a walk to blow off some steam and gather their thoughts. It is very rare for them to explode. They have studied Oxor™ and realise that generally they lose if they lose their cool if they have a massive mood swing. So the clever Enhancer just starves the issue of oxygen and /or gives the death stareand /or ignores the other party and / or door slams the other party until the end of time.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Enhancer.
Let the other person know that they have upset them but that they would like to hear their side of the situation and to determine a solution to the conflict.

What you should do if you are in the Enhancer's Horn Locker™.
Initially. It is difficult to be in conflict with an Enhancer. If they have an issue with you, they simply avoid you. Conflict over. Remember the Enhancer only requires few friends. In an office situation, an Enhancer will only speak to the 'Richard Crania' types if there is absolutely no alternative.
Type of conflict - sincere or insincere. It is not conflict if it is a debate over a topic they find interesting. If you are not making logical sense they will attempt to correct your logical flaws. This is still not a conflict. It is either a mental exercise, getting additional information or trying you correct your inaccurate information.
It turns to conflict. The other party continues to spout inaccurate information or insists on using the same flawed logic or carries on in an environment of suspension of facts. The Enhancer will avoid you, privately and permanently, labelling you "fact free". If emotional and annoying, the Enhancer will ignore you and this will continue if you still do not make sense and happily the conflict is now all yours! The Enhancer will privately be delighted. If you carry on and break an Enhancer's personal rules and standards, that is going to be near impossible to fix by trying to build up the relationship again. If you ever try to force an Enhancer, you have your boat pointed in the wrong direction. If you get an Enhancer angry, which is rare, you will an all likelihood know the reason. The Enhancer may show emotion or, more likely, will be so bitterly sarcastic that their words will make you bleed. If you are unclear, keep your cool and ask calmly.
End of conflict. Leave an Enhancer alone while you cool down. When you are calm, cool and collected talk to them about a completely different topic about what the Enhancer is doing. If logic is back in place on both sides with apologies, both parties can move on. Elizabeth Hunter™, an Enhancer, says that you may never be contacted, ever again. She has many examples of this!!

Hissy Fit Behaviour - what the Enhancer actually does when things or plans do not go their way.
They would know that their plans are often full-proof, if not bullet-proof. They probably come out with a what-if-things-go-wrong scenario if they have not done so already.

How they treat a client - FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE (MATCH) - They take what’s fair and give back what’s fair, no more and no less. They will fight back when provoked, they may become a little competitive, but they will not lose themselves to their emotions.

"Yes, I see your perspective, but what you don’t understand is that I’m waaaay smarter than you on this particular subject. You’re just making yourself look bad. You are attempting to get a freebie and that is not on. Without compunction, I would advise certain clients that they would be better off at another shop (that of my most loathed competitor)."

How they might, and only might, APOLOGISE - "I regret to inform you that my previous actions were suboptimal. Rest assured, I have reconfigured my approach to ensure this error does not repeat itself." [Ed: More likely to doorslam you].

To make the Enhancer De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not insightful".

The Enhancer's De Esteem™ Reaction: Gives the Death Stare. Drops the attacker without any remorse or protestations of goodwill and the attacker may as well never have existed if the records are ever exhumed from the archives.

Archdeacon Moniker™: Oxor Archdeacon™ of Self-Sufficiency, Patterns and Planning™

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Democrat or Republican?

Who do you vote for?

The following table indicates who tends to use the language of the Democratic Party or the Republican Party. If you ever want to understand why the Idealists and Artisans do not get along with the Guardians and Rationals get them in a room and discuss the issue of solar versus nuclear power.
Most likely to vote Republican - Right Wing = 46.1%
Most likely to vote Democrat and Green - Left wing = 43.5%
Most likely to Swing = 10.4%

This site is apolitical. However, based on DISC patterns one may conclude that all efforts should seriously be targeted to convince the swingers - The Developer, the Inspirational, the Perfectionist and the Enhancer. These are not called the Rationals for nothing and can actually think and reason. They are ranked 7, 1, 2 and 5 on the scale of smarts. Have a look at the quote at the foot of this page. Click for our Noetic Explorer™: Click here


Tend Democratic Language
Tend Republican Language
7 Promoter [A1][Idealist] Advocate, Idealist 8.1%
Most Left Wing - Communist / Green. {Green voter}
14 Objective Thinker [A2] [Guardian] Examiner, Inspector 11.5%
Most Right Wing - Republican. {Republican voter}
10 Investigator [A1][Idealist] Confident, Empath 1.5%
Left Wing - Liberal / Democrat. {Green voter}
1 Director [A2][Guardian] Overseer, Supervisor 8.7%
Right Wing - Republican. {Republican voter}
5 Persuader [A1][Idealist] Mentor, Teacher 2.5%
Left Wing - Liberal / Democrat. {Green voter}
6 Appraiser [A2][Guardian] Supporter, Provider 12.2%
Right Wing - Republican if Christian. Can be left wing Liberal. {Republican voter}
11 Agent [A1][Idealist] Dreamer, Healer 4.4%
Left Wing - Communism. {Green voter}
13 Practitioner [A2][Guardian] Defender, Protector 13.7%
Centre, maybe Right Wing. {Republican voter}
3 Results [B2][Artisan] Persuader, Promoter 4.3%
Independent but right-leaning. {Democrat voter}
2 Developer [B1][Rational] Chief, Field Marshal 1.8%
Right Wing - Conservative. {Swinging voter}
12 Achiever [B2][Artisan] Craftsman, Mechanic 5.4%
Independent but right-leaning. {Democrat voter}
16 Enhancer [B1][Rational] Strategist, Mastermind 2.1%
Odd - strong anything. {Swinging voter}
8 Counselor [B2][Artisan] Entertainer, Performer 8.5%
Liberal - Democrat. {Democrat voter}
4 Inspirational [B1][Rational] Originator, Inventor 3.2%
Independent but right leaning. {Swinging voter}
9 Specialist [B2][Artisan] Artist, Composer 8.8%
Independent but left leaning. {Democrat voter}
15 Perfectionist [B1][Rational] Engineer, Architect 3.3%
Independent (Libertarian - often anarchists or anarcho-capitalists.) {Swinging voter}

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Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Passive-aggressive person

Passive-aggressive behaviour has been defined as plausible deniability. The following details the characteristics of passive-aggressive behaviour. All patterns can do it but the Practitioner seems to be the master of it. Oxor™ has a character called Steele Slarke™ who is a great example. The following are seven characteristics that may be exhibited either singly or in combination.

Characteristic A: Leaving things undone. Passive-aggressors are champions of the almost complete job: the room that is painted except for the molding; the laundry that is washed but does not get folded; the dishwasher that is loaded except for the utensils - who needs clean utensils when we can always spear our food with sharpened sticks or the fondue forks we have had in the back of the pantry since 1969! It is a nifty strategy, signalling resentment at having to do the job and leaving just little enough undone that another person would feel picky criticizing it and will ultimately decide just to do it themselves for the ten billionth time.
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour:
Promoter - hopeless finisher.
Perfectionist - hopeless finisher.

Characteristic B: Running late. If you are a passive-aggressor you live in an Einsteinian universe of eternally elastic time, where a few minutes can turn into a few hours. All of us live there — which is why we have watches. To passive-aggressors, a watch is a bother. If they do not want to go to a dinner party but feel obligated to be there? No worries. They will just accept the invitation and then only vaguely remember the time it starts so they do not show up till the middle of the first course. The same is true when they resent having to attend a meeting so they wander in 20 minutes late with a mystified expression that says "You are all here already?" The behaviour is occasionally deliberate, more commonly subconscious — and always infuriatingly effective.
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour: The Ps.
Promoter - always late - struggles with time management and can become distracted rather easily.
Agent - a million different thoughts in their minds which can be the cause of their occasional lateness.
Perfectionist - struggles with being on time for things and will easily lose track of time.
Inspirational - not excellent with being on time, and might struggle to see the reasoning behind it.
Achiever - struggles to see the importance of being on time and dislikes being forced to fit into a tight schedule.
Results - sometimes struggles with time management as they live so much in the present moment.
Specialist - can often struggle with being on time simply because they become distracted by their surroundings.
Counselor - can sometimes struggle to show up on time especially if they find something else they believe is more important.

Characteristic C: The non-compliment. Compliments are easy. Compliments can even be fun. Here are some nice compliments: “Great haircut!” or “Terrific soup!” Here are some less nice compliments: “Great haircut — I used to get the same one when at university,” or “Terrific soup — I did not even taste all that parsley.” It is no secret which kind of compliment the passive-aggressor goes for — usually out of competitiveness. If you are not sure which kind of compliment you have received, pay attention to your own responses: If you feel like saying “thank you,” you have probably received a good one. If you feel like running screaming from the room, not so much.
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour: Practitioner.

Characteristic D: Silence. Shhh… Hear that? No? Exactly. That is the sound of a passive-aggressive person who is cheesed off about something. If you were upset with something a friend or family member did, you might say “I’m upset with something you did.” A passive-aggressive person would instead say: Nothing! Silence is always a go-to strategy for passive-aggressors and it is not hard to see why. It says nothing at all and yet says volumes. It ostensibly avoids a conflict but in fact provokes one — with the very lack of communication serving as a taunt and a goad. It is thus passive, and yet aggressive. Also when their normally chatty style is replaced with a curt "Hello" and they just keep walking (That's our Steele Slarke™).
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour:
Practitioner - cannot handle conflict. When they feel slighted or upset, areunlikely to confront the other person. Instead, they may show their hurt feelings through their actions which others may feel is a bit (lot) passive-aggressive.
Promoter - bottles up their anger by engaging in silent treatment or avoidance tactics.

Characteristic E: Wistful wishing. You know what I wish? I wish passive-aggressive people would not dreamily announce something they want and then immediately conclude — always out loud — that it is probably not going to happen. But I guess that is too much to ask. See what was done here? Annoying, right? I could have said, “Hey! Passive-aggressive people! Knock off that out-loud wishing.” But instead I came at it sideways. If that sounds like things you have heard in your life — “It would be great if you could get the project done by Wednesday, but I guess it will have to wait until Friday” — it is a pretty safe bet there are passive-aggressors in your circle. The objective, of course, is to get an idea out there, then immediately disown it — thus putting the burden of getting it done or not done on to the other person. Imagine some passive-aggressive aggressor promising a lunch invitation and then it does not materialise because of some other fake excuse. Key proponents of this P-A behaviour:
Specialist: - have a very wistful and dreamy sense to them.
Agent - all ideals that they never implement.

Characteristic F: Sabotage.It is not hard to tell the bad guy in a movie. He is the one who is always tampering with the brakes in the hero’s car or sneaking the bad lines of code into a computer. Passive-aggressors might not go that far, but you can see where they get their inspiration. That deadline your colleague forgot to tell you about until it was just a day away? Those work clothes your spouse tossed in with the dry-cleaning the day before you went off on that business trip that you had been arguing about? As with lateness, this is sometimes deliberate but usually not. Either way the point has been made — and yet not made too. What about complaining again and again about a Committee's decision to fire someone "because he is such a good bloke"? Reflection of a poor manager!!
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour:
Practitioner - avoidace of change.

Characteristic G: The disguised insult. The social contract under which the rest of us live has a special provision passive-aggressors have added just for themselves. It typically comes in the form of a “but” clause, such as, “I don’t want to sound mean, but…” “I hope you don’t think I’m insensitive, but…” “Not to be judgmental, but…” after which they say something mean, insensitive or judgmental — and sometimes all three at once. An uncharacteristically honest variation on this disguised insult is the “You’re going to hate this, but…” which at least has the virtue of being true, because you will inevitably hate it down to your very last strand of DNA. This is as close to pure aggression as the passive-aggressor gets. Feel free to hold up a hand and halt the conversation before any passive-aggressors in your life get past the comma that ends the clause — but do not be surprised if they drive right through that comma.
Key proponents of this P-A behaviour:
Practitioner - refer the 30 examplaes that follow.

Thirty Steele Slarke™ phrases that we think are worse than insults. Have you experiended these? Easier to pick the pattern?

1. Bless your little heart.
2. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can.
3. Good for you; I could never pull that off.
4. I’m confused...
5. I love how you can just wear anything.
6. I think it’s just not for me.
7. You would say that.
8. Can you explain what you were going for, exactly?
9. I feel like I asked too much of you.
10. I can explain it to you again, but I don’t think I can really help you understand.
11. Interesting...
12. I don’t care what [insert mutual acquaintance] says. You’re great!
13. That’s really awesome—especially for you.
14. It’s different.
15. I don’t think I have the time to explain this to you.
16. SSSSSHHHHHHH [and nothing else]
17. As much as I respect and appreciate your opinion...
18. What do you think about trying something new?
19. Not to be rude, but...
20. Did you lose weight?
21. I wish I could eat like you; without feeling guilty.
22. It’s nice to see not everyone’s obsessed with appearances.
23. Thanks, but we’re going to go a different way.
24. Well that was a strangely clever thing for you to stay.
25. I really admire how little you seem to care what other people think.
26. Well, at least you’re really pretty.
27. You look so comfortable today.
28. You look so good; for your age.
29. Yay! Someone’s not a total asshole today!
30. I bet you were really hot back when you were young.

Situation 1: The victim. If you are a victim of passive-aggression, there are a few basic coping strategies. For starters, remember that you are not nuts. If you see a pattern it is probably real. So respond — and know that it is OK to draw sharp boundaries. The chronically late dinner guest can be invited once more on the proviso that the start time of the evening is honoured. After that? No more invites for you, sunshine! Or, just make sure that you have a clash of dates, real or imaginary, to avoid the passive-aggressive person.

Situation 2: The passive aggressor. The 'knock-it-off' suggestion is a good place to start. But the passive-aggressor is unlikely to realise that they are passive-aggressive. Thais strategy is not always easy and it can take work and even the help of a good therapist to determine why directness is so hard for the passive-aggressive individual. However, it is a lot better than indirectness and it is a whole lot less work.

 
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Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing

Axel Garvie™
 

Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing. This type of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.

Masked Nastiness. Many people with Personality Disorders suffer from low self-esteem and look for ways to feel better. One way some of them try to do that is by putting others down using Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing speech.
This is a form of passive-aggressive attack - a put-down typically veiled in fake friendliness, advice, or words of “wisdom”. The veiled message behind this kind of attack is, “I am better than you”. By masking their purpose in this way, the perpetrator often hopes to deliver the attack while minimizing the risk of retaliation or being held accountable for their behaviour.
Examples of Belittling.
"Oh my dear you are looking so much better today."
"This is far too complicated for you to understand."
"We're all watching your progress and hoping the best for you."
"It's nice that you have found a friend."
"How is your therapy progressing?"
"After all, you have no social skills whatsoever."
"Four wheel drives should not be allowed: To the proud owner - for the 500th time. The Axel Garvie™ example. Ask us.
"Aren't we pretty today?'

What it feels like. Nobody likes to be belittled or talked down to. Being on the receiving end of belittling speech is frustrating, annoying and humiliating.

Learning to Cope with Belittling. The best approach to dealing with belittling, condescending and patronizing speech is to remove yourself from the source of it. You cannot control another person's thoughts or speech, so it's best to focus on the one thing you can control - that is you. Elizabeth Hunter™ doorslammed Alex Garvie™. Ask us how.

What NOT to do:
Do not stay in the same room with a person who uses verbal put-downs.
Do not believe the lie that they are better than you.
Do not take the bait and enter into an argument about what has been said.

What TO do:
Exit the conversation. Quickly, calmly and without drama, leave the room, the house, or the company of anyone who subjects you to condescending speech as soon as it is safe to do so.
If appropriate, offer to take up the conversation again when the belittling speech is stopped.
Get support and discuss your concerns with someone who cares about you and who understands Personality Disorders although the belittler will reject this as "Psychiatrists are for mad people".

E. Hunter™ advice:
Disappear from their lives. Essentially fcuk them off. My experience is that they will not even notice.

 
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☢ ToXiC ☢

Axel Garvie™
 

☢ ToXiC ☢ The Baker's Dozen.

1. When they constantly compare you to others. This is to make you feel inadequate or inferior.

2.When they play the victim. Always blaming you and others for their problems and never owning their actions.

3. When they triangulate you. Excluding you, talking behind someone’s back, etc. Just treating you differently than others.

4. When they gaslight you about your own memories and perceptions. Making you doubt your own reality and yourself.

5. When they constantly criticize you. Making you feel like you can never do anything right. Especially when they bring up past mistakes constantly.

6. When they make light of your feelings or experiences. Ignore and label them as unimportant or trivial.

7. When they invalidate your emotions. Telling you that you're too sensitive or overreacting.

8. When they make threats or ultimatums to control you. So, they can use you for personal gain.

9. When they pressure you into doing things, you're not comfortable with. Especially with things that will bring more harm than good for you in the future.

10. When they drain your energy and make you feel exhausted. You do not feel energised whenever you are with them.

11. When they violate your privacy or trust. The root of all relationships is built on trust.

12. When they make you feel unsafe or threatened. Be guarded at all times. Real relationships should make you feel safe.

13. Any other situation whenever they control, manipulate or be deceitful to put you down and take advantage! If you think you see any of these signs, take a step back and reflect.

E. Hunter™ advice:
Disappear from their lives. Essentially fcuk them off. My experience is that they will not even notice.

 
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