When someone wants to Keep Clear Of™ the other person
it can be made easier by following the suggestions on this page.

Keep Clear Of™

Keep Clear Of™ can be difficult, but we all have to do it.

This page contains politically incorrect descriptions. You have been warned!

Who is the market leader?

Conducted and composed by Modern Maven Elizabeth Hunter™ - Last Update September 23, 2021

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1. Can it be the Director - ESTJ?

The Director is the Border Collie

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Director is when the following scenario emerges.
How do you feel about long lectures with "rug rat" and "mate" thrown into the lesson like sprinkles? Ever daydreamed about being retrained on how to do literally every task that you have ever done? If you are not looking to enhance your capacity to (insert productive ability here), Elizabeth Hunter™ suggests that you run the other way. The Director cannot help but command every room they walk into and work to “improve” the people in it. You might innocently enter a fast-food restaurant with your new friend intending to order some fries and instead watch them naturally slip into the role of pseudo-manager. Somebody has to get the place in top condition, right? You will soon notice how incredibly humble the Director is (not). They throw out phrases like, “I don’t think I have any weaknesses” and “I don’t think you know what you’re doing” without admonishing. They admit that they think, not that they know. So down to earth (not).

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2. Can it be the Developer - ENTJ?

The Developer is the German Shepherd

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Developer is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do not want to hear someone talk about how they could make 50 billion a year, but need 10 billion to get started then Keep Clear Of™ the Developer. They probably invented pyramid schemes and we have to give them credit—they work for the figurehead. They always have their hands in something. By “their hands,” we mean everyone else’s hands which do their grunt work. You can imagine the Developer relaxing on their leather sofa forgetting to eat while they watch soap operas they would never admit to watching unless their lawyer was present. If you expect your friends to help you on the spur of the moment, look elsewhere. This pattern has their calendar booked twelve years in advance. They already know what will be written in their obituary! And yours! Do you really want to know how things end? That’s what we thought.

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3. Can it be the Results - ESTP?

The Results is the Jack Russell Terrier

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Results is when the following scenario emerges.
If you find one of these creatures in the wild, prepare for trouble: the Results likes you have you scared. They will do their utmost to convince you everything dangerous equates to “fun” rather than “massive hospital bill.” Do not be fooled. You are going to need about five energy drinks to keep up with these people and that’s where the heart attack starts. They count their broken bones like gold medals and will expect you to do so as well. They do not think much about the future and you certainly will not have one if you spend much time around them. It seems easy enough to avoid every person you find fist-fighting in the parking area (a common recreational activity of the Results), but they know how to reel people in with an easygoing smile. Stay vigilant against such charms! If you are not careful, you will be explaining to the authorities that your friend was simply jumping their truck over a crowd of people to “test the shocks.” And that, yes, the decapitations resulting from the “adventure” as well as the Results' unfiltered action that was so cool and was unplanned. Much like their entire life.

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4. Can it be the Inspirational - ENTP?

The Inspirational is the Bull Terrier

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Inspirational is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do not want to be around someone who could be a god but accomplishes nothing but trolling, then you had better keep a massive geographical barrier between you and them. This is because the Inspirational can find anything, except for the motivation necessary to accomplish what they should actually be doing. On the topic of responsibility, it should be noted that these creatures have no sense of it. The Inspirational comes with a homing beacon for lost souls and degenerates. They cannot help but snigger with others about how terrible society is without lifting a finger to change it. Not unless changing it includes intergalactic travel or a sushi buffet. Be wary of these ones. They speak with hints of wonder and megalomania. Stick around too long and you may find yourself in outer space.

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5. Can it be the Persuader - ENFJ?

The Persuader is the Boxer

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Persuader is when the following scenario emerges.
Is someone telling you to “manifest your best life” every two seconds? Congratulations. You found a Persuader. They do that. Although these types are particularly easy to spot. There are usually 50 or so people following them around making sure their royal robes do not hit the ground. They cannot help but collect people like trinkets. They make sure they have a doctor, a lawyer and an assassin in their pockets for when the need arrives. The need always does. The Persuader has an innate ability to entice people into action. They basically invented “the Kool-Aid,” so unless you want to turn down every drink someone sends your way, we would not recommend befriending them.



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6. Can it be the Appraiser - ESFJ

The Appraiser is the Great Dane

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Appraiser is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do not want to be dragged to every public function in a 100 km radius, then stay far away from every human who tries to hug you just barely after learning your name. The Appraiser is lethal. They seep into your bloodstream, learn what you like and use those favoured things (cupcakes, WWII dramas, the false hope of a trust fund, etc.) to coax you into every task you never dreamed of doing. The person who invented the term “voluntold” probably had an Appraiser mother who folded their t-shirts into intentionally imperfect squares when she was upset. The Appraiser does not play. Unless you are prepared to gift the snarky kids on the block lemonade spiked with sleeping medication, keep clear of these cooking show enthusiasts.



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7. Can it be the Promoter - ENFP?

The Promoter is the Golden Retriever

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Promoter is when the following scenario emerges.
Don’t you want to invest in a bounce house and a lifetime supply of band-aids? It will literally be impossible to be friends with a Promoter. They are like flies zooming straight towards fly traps. Traps they could have avoided if only they had not dissociated from their body; again. Flies seem likes the perfect metaphor for the Promoter given how they seem to wind up zooming through every random possibility in life in a mere five minutes. They are scattered, they will jump on a plane without more than an hours’ notice and they will even attempt to jump off a roof “just to see what happens.” If you befriend a Promoter, you are basically going to be caught in an infinity-long conversation with a cake pop. Sure, they look delicious, but you cannot enjoy the meal when it jabbers on at 50 kph without taking a breath. And is that how you want to spend your time? Chatting with a dessert about everything from global warming to why wearing mismatched socks is preferable? We did not think so.

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8. Can it be the Counselor - ESFP

The Counselor is the Poodle

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Counselor is when the following scenario emerges.
Have you come across someone with just as much personality as they have flexes? You have likely discovered a Counselor. Their pattern will be confirmed if you look away for two seconds and they turn to dust. They perish without proper attention. If you are worried already, then you should be. They expect competition and jealousy from their friends. If you slip up, they will seduce your entire family and take them all to the neighbourhood party at the same time just because they can. Are you down for getting matching butterfly tattoos on a whim? We hope that you are prepared because they never are. Do not be surprised if they burn every off-brand item you own and toss you onto the heap for good measure. They might reconsider making you the star on that tree if you explain to them why they cannot take a selfie in jail beforehand.

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9. Can it be the Specialist - ISFP

The Specialist is the Saint Bernard

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Specialist is when the following scenario emerges.
Did you find someone who just so happens to look better than your entire family line in their wedding photos? That is a Specialist. They are dangerous. One moment, you will be listening to them talk about how music changed their life and the next they will be stomping on the brakes to prevent “an innocent bee” from perishing against the windscreen. If you plan to allow them into your home when they are having a good day, then do not. Your white walls will be replaced by tie-dye designs complete with wide-eyed animals and inspirational quotes. If you plan to allow them into your home when they are having a bad day, seriously you must not. Your white walls will be covered in perfectly replicated Mona Lisa paintings with death metal lyrics across her face made to look like moustaches. Go ahead. Ask the Specialist what is wrong and they will not tell you. They cannot say “I feel sad because…” to save their lives, but they can redecorate an entire town full of buildings so we all know that something is wrong.

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10. Can it be the Investigator - INFJ?

The Investigator is the Greyhound

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Investigator is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do not want to succumb to the void and forget who you are? Then turn back if you can. The Investigator has a strong gravitational pull that grips onto your aura and drags you to the underworld. Stay alert with these ones. One moment you will be mentioning how nice your life is and the next you will be overcome by the fact that you have never really been happy and no one has ever really understood you. They have that effect on people. They point out the truths no one wants to acknowledge, forgetting that no one wants to acknowledge them for a reason. In short, keep the Investigator off the guest list if you do not want everyone in the immediate vicinity to have an existential crisis. It is just not worth it.



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11. Can it be the Agent - INFP?

The Agent is the Tibetan Terrier

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Agent is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do not want to raise a whimsical child with klutzy tendencies? Then run from every being that glows of innocence then. This is the Agent. They like to pretend they are helpless when, in reality, they can assess what motivates you at your core instantly and will use that information as they wish. Much like baby vampire bats that seem adorable and completely gentle from a distance; they hide their hungry little fangs. The Agent knows what they are doing. You are the one who does not. Take special care to not have an opinion around one either. They are sure to point our how you are not taking someone into consideration. Do not tell them that you are fumigating your house for zombies. It would not be fair to the zombies.



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12. Can it be the Achiever - ISTP?

The Achiever is the Bassett Hound

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Achiever is when the following scenario emerges.
Unless there is an apocalypse or your oil needs changing, stay away from the Achiever. You might have an easier time avoiding them in public than most patterns, given they generally hate the public. However, if you plan a nice camping trip with friends, you will in all likelihood see an Achiever sharpening their knife in dead silence by the campfire. If you are not interested in the two-sentence autobiography of a serial killer: do not engage. The only time an Achiever speaks up is to explain how to kill something. Otherwise, their closest confidant is their motorcycle.



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13. Can it be the Practitioner - ISFJ?

The Practitioner is the Alaskan Malamute

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Practitioner is when the following scenario emerges.
These gremlins are the worst of the bunch. There should be a fire alarm blaring every time they walk into a room because in their minds, there is one. The Practitioner is fairly easy to spot. See a nervous wreck making cookies to stop their shaking? Yes. BINGO. They are notorious for making something edible whenever something little happens that they assume “reeks of death.” The little thing might be chipping their nail and worrying they will scratch someone to bits with its serrated edge. Or, it might be not unplugging their toaster before they leave and knowing a fire will start because of it. Feel like listening to someone shout “oh no!” every few minutes while you are driving, only it has nothing to do with the road? Hard pass, right?



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14. Can it be the Objective Thinker - ISTJ?

The Objective Thinker is the Bernese Mountain Dog

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Objective Thinker is when the following scenario emerges.
You know that librarian that actually does their job rather than seduces innocent bystanders? See... we do not even have to tell you to leave these ones alone. You already know. But not every Objective Thinker is the same. Sure, they like to fill accounting offices and IT service centres, but these types creep into every institution they can get their well-lotioned hands on. Are you prepared to hear the unnecessary back story of every product you buy? Isn’t that your type of fun? They are so accountable that you will be hoping a fly lands in their pudding just so they can have a moment to freak out about something.



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15. Can it be the Perfectionist - INTP?

The Perfectionist is the Papillon

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Perfectionist is when the following scenario emerges.
If you do no want to be corrected with reason for no reason, then stay away from the Perfectionist. They cannot help but point out every flaw they see. It is not fun for you and that makes it fun for them. If you spend much time around them, you will probably note how hard it is to tell what they are feeling. This is because they probably left that upgrade at home. It takes effort to install a new program and effort is something the Perfectionist only has for going down rabbit holes on topics like “quantum physics,” “Einstein was a god,” and “how to acquire food without actually making food yourself.” These little balls of mental fury are like squirrels. Cute from afar, but strictly avoidant of anything that demands an attention span about topics of substance.

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16. Can it be the Enhancer - INTJ?

The Enhancer is the Afghan Hound

General Principles to follow: To Keep Clear Of™ the Enhancer is when the following scenario emerges.
In need of a house plant that thinks? If not, then steer clear of everyone playing chess as that may well be an Enhancer. If your answer is yes, we do not believe you. The Enhancer is the dark soul of academia. They whisper sweet nothings into the night (they do not say anything). Talking to them is a lot like having a conversation with a wall, but the wall is more expressive. You would find a better conversationalist in a tree trunk than in an Enhancer. We could go on, but all you would learn is that they are the quintessential cats of the human species. They like to be fed, but are reluctant to admit they need you or anyone else on the planet. Probably because they do not...

Additional commentary:
Radical honesty, keen intellect and never being sure if you are joking, flirting or why you are angry, unless you actually tell the Enhancer.
Excels at understanding systems, seeing relationships where others might not and learning whatever they put their minds to.
Not so good at hearing “tone”, reading body language or emoting the way most people expect.
Loves learning, which means everything is questioned. This is not a sign of disrespect, but the opposite. If they care about your feelings or opinion, they want you to explain it. If you get huffy and defensive because they ask questions, they will eventually dismiss you as shallow and insecure or, worse, a liar and a fake See how they go on a Committee.
They stare - usually because they are lost in their own heads, not because of whomever happens to be in the way. They get used to being told that they are intimidating, no matter how friendly we really are.
They need you to say what you mean and mean what you say - anything else is treated as dishonest.
Great at details and at the big picture, but not always the stuff in between that connects the two. Especially the less rational human elements.
Are impressed by what you know and what you are willing to learn, not by your money, your fame or the idea that if you are louder you win the argument.
They do not do small talk. Ever. Are terrible at first dates, but pretty good as lovers and partners if you are open and honest with us and comfortable with going over everything in detail after a crisis or argument.
Tends to prioritize truth over charity, so relationships can end in Pyrrhic victory.
The Enhancer has no problem considering multiple points of view, together with weighing the consequences of their actions, but can still be blindsided when others act from completely irrational emotional motives.
Has to be right - just not in the sense of never admitting they are wrong or thinking their way is the only way. On the contrary, they are constantly admitting and correcting our mistakes, but do not understand others who are totally fine living a lie, being dishonest, being mistaken, being wrong about something, without working to fix it. The only way to get over a problem is to solve it, not ignore it and pretend it never happened. The Practitioners and Promoters should read this paragraph again.

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