Emotional manipulation occurs when a person tries to gain power or control by using sneaky, deceptive tactics
to change the thinking, behaviour or perceptions of their victim.

The only people that cannot be manipulated are people who understand the fundamentals of human psychology, including the Oxor Method™, who can use it to their advantage. The the only people immune to manipulation are the manipulators themselves.
Most of the time its people who are less prone to manipulation who do not give their trust easily. The key in manipulation is gaining trust. If the manipulator cannot gain the trust of an individual then you cannot get them to work for you, via manipulation. Manipulation is often damaging to the victim.

Included is a technique to deal with all this - Using Oxor Grey Rocking™

Ten Oxor STYLES that a MANIPULATOR may employ to manipulate you.

1. Constant Victim – Finds a way to end up as the victim;
2. One-Upmanship - Uses put downs, snide remarks and criticisms to show superiority;
3. Powerful Dependent – Hides behind the mask of being weak and powerless;
4. Triangulator – Tries to get others on side;
5. Blaster – Blasts anger and blows up suddenly;
6. Projector – See themselves as perfect and its others that have the flaws and take no ownership because they are ever wrong;
7. Deliberate Misinterpreter – Seems like a nice person – but twists and use your words. Spread misinformation and misinterprets you and deliberately presents you in a false or negative way;
8. Flirt – To get their way in life. They want to be admired and to have an audience but others feelings are of no concern.
9. Iron Fist – Uses intimidation and throws weight around, uses you for their ends and to get their way.
10. Combo - Switching from one to the other of the above 9.

Oxor TIMING METHOD to see if someone is going to manipulate you.

1. Intentionally direct the conversation around and talk about yourself.
2. Closely monitor how long you are allowed to do this and whether the other person is paying attention.
3. If they do not let you talk for around 15 seconds, you have a clue of whether you will be manipulated.
4. The faster you get shut down, the more manipulative the other person is!
5. Are you speaking with someone where you feel like you are being lulled into comfort,
PAY ATTENTION, because that is the moment the manipulative people strike.

Oxor SOPHISTRY METHOD to see if someone is already manipulating you.

Sophistry is reasoning that seems plausible on a superficial level but is actually unsound, or reasoning that is used to deceive.
1. DANGER: TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: Are you speaking with someone you instantly liked and bonded with in minutes?
2. DANGER: OVERDONE FLATTERY: Are you speaking with someone who took you seriously, respected your opinion and valued your character and personality? Plus worked out your personal style, how great they thought you were, your manners etc..
3. DANGER: UNUSUAL SENSE OF BOUNDARIES: The way they sit down makes you uncomfortable. Not a casual sit down, it is almost predatory and very close. No boundaries on subject matter; inappropriate for a stranger. And it gets worse each time.
4. DANGER: DEVIL-MAY-CARE VOCAL TONES: Everything else is intense; vocal tone has a couldn't care less attitude about the conversation.
5. DANGER: SHUTTING OUT OTHERS: Downplays / rejects opinions of others nearby.
6. DANGER: PLAYING THE SAINT/VICTIM/WHORE: Acts as a saint beyond reproach whose only goal is to serve others. OR a horribly wronged victim who cannot be held responsible for any of their actions. OR a "playful temptress" who loves having a little fun if you'll look the other way.
7. DANGER: THE EYES: Intense, intimidating, keeps very direct eye contact with compliments and would smile in a very... weird way. Alluring yet scary.

If you tick some of these, you probably have been manipulated to the hilt.

Oxor U-CHECK YOURSELF METHOD to see if YOU are likely to be the MANIPULATEE.

1. DANGER: The 'disease to please'.
2. DANGER: An addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others.
3. DANGER: A fear of negative emotion.
4. DANGER: A lack of assertiveness and ability to say no.
5. DANGER: A blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries).
6. DANGER: Low self-reliance.
7. DANGER: Tend to praise or blame external factors. e.g. the teacher, the exam.

Mind Gamerz™ who do the manipulating have been issued with a descriptor of their prime factor
which is shown in the descriptions below.

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Majik™ Guide: Prime factor of how each pattern goes as the MANIPULATOR and LIAR.

Pattern
Manipulation Method
Toxicity Label
Liar Category
Liar Method
1. Director - ESTJ
One Upmanship
Complainer
Cat 2. 2nd Quartile
Propaganda
2. Developer - ENTJ
One Upmanship
Judger
Cat 2. 2nd Quartile
Propaganda
3. Results - ESTP
One Upmanship
Envy
Cat 4. 4th Quartile.
Lies to meet needs
4. Inspirational - ENTP
Deliberate Misinterpreter
Approval Seeker
Cat 1. 1st Quartile.
Tweaks the truth
5. Persuader - ENFJ
Projector
Judger
Cat 2. 2nd Quartile
Propaganda
6. Appraiser - ESFJ
Constant victim
Approval Seeker
Cat 3. 3rd Quartile.
White lies
7. Promoter - ENFP
One Upmanship
Needer
Cat 1. 1st Quartile.
Tweaks the truth
8. Counselor - ESFP
One Upmanship
Approval Seeker
Cat 3. 3rd Quartile.
White lies
9. Specialist - ISFP
One Upmanship
Envy
Cat 4. 4th Quartile.
Lies to meet needs
10. Investigator - INFJ
Constant victim
Complainer
Cat 3. 3rd Quartile.
White lies
11. Agent - INFP
Deliberate Misinterpreter
Complainer
Cat 1. 1st Quartile.
Tweaks the truth
12. Achiever - ISTP
Blaster
Judger
Cat 4. 4th Quartile.
Lies to meet needs
13. Practitioner - ISFJ
Constant victim
Approval Seeker
Cat 3. 3rd Quartile.
White lies
14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ
Triangulator
Envy
Cat 4. 4th Quartile.
Lies to meet needs
15. Perfectionist - INTP
One Upmanship
Misunderstood Genius
Cat 1. 1st Quartile.
Tweaks the truth
16. Enhancer - INTJ
One Upmanship
Misunderstood Genius
Cat 2. 2nd Quartile
Propaganda
 
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1. Director - ESTJ

Toxicity Label: Complainer. If toxic, displaces negativity onto others. A bitter complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. When toxic the Director's behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression. Victim.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Triangulator, Iron fist. Will crush your soul with no mercy.

As Manipulatee: Avoids manipulators as dislikes being pushed around. But not so if they are close to the manipulator.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Underestimated.

Manipulated by: Temptation.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I can handle it."

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2. Developer - ENTJ

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Triangulator, Blaster, Iron fist. Will crush your soul with no mercy.

As Manipulatee: Natural skeptic, not easy to manipulate at all as have their up and paying close attention. Only wants fully trusted souls around.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Ignored.

Manipulated by: Being roadblocked.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I am not stressed."

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3. Results - ESTP

Toxicity Label: Envy. If toxic, always finds something to envy. Says wistful things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Blaster, Projector, Flirt. Will make everyone hate you.

As Manipulatee: If trusts and admires can often be easily manipulated by them. Not easily swayed by strangers.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Dominated.

Manipulated by: Temptation.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lie to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I could never betray you."

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4. Inspirational - ENTP

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. A Master. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. May see the other side of a conversation which could easily turn into an argument. Alternative: Projector. Pulls mortal pranks and ends up accidentally killing you.

As Manipulatee: Senses any attempt. Turns the tables rather quickly. Tries to manipulate back.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Dismissed.

Manipulated by: Being roadblocked.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweak the truth.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I'm confident."

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5. Persuader - ENFJ

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator: Projector. Do not want to be seen as flawed; only wants to be seen in the light of their choice. Alternative: Nil. Really manipulative - run!

As Manipulatee: Can often sense when someone is attempting to manipulate. But this can fail if it is a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Antagonised.

Manipulated by: Withholding love.

Prime Factor: Projector.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I'm calm and I don't get mad."

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6. Appraiser - ESFJ

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator: The constant victim. The "victim" is the Appraiser who may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses this strategy when negative feelings are identified. Alternative: Projector, Flirt. Will make everyone hate you.

As Manipulatee: Can often sense when people are untrustworthy and are not easy to manipulate. But can sense manipulation if it is a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Abandoned.

Manipulated by: Social pressure.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. White lies. Manipulation.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I'm not jealous."

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7. Promoter - ENFP

Toxicity Label: Needer. Is always in trouble. If toxic, makes others feel like they are the only person who can save them out of their misery. For example, they may ask you to borrow them some money or to help them find a job. They will never get out of trouble, either with your help or without it. Whatever issue a toxic Promoter faces, they will always turn to others for help. This pattern, in any mode, cannot handle their problems on their own.
If toxic, they will be loathed universally. The typically safe, encouraging, funloving, caring Promoter can suddenly turn into the most self absorbed, impulsive, unthoughtful, unpredictable, and unreliable person. You learhed that on Oxor.

Common Toxicity Technique: Guilt Trips. Parasitic.

As Manipulator: Deliberate Misinterpreter. If toxic, the Promoter is more like to do this to get what they want. While their goal may be to feel better about themselves, the others is to achieve a goal wherein they attain something, even if it just means a better deal or some sort of victory. Argumentative. Alternative: Projector, One-Upmanship, Flirt. Good at convincing but can be brief e.g. a trick. Really manipulative - run!

As Manipulatee: Gullible and easily manipulated but has a natural skill for manipulation.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Reigned in.

Manipulated by: Withholding love.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweaks the truth.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I'm fine."

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8. Counselor - ESFP

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator: The constant victim. Will believe are, or play, the "victim" if it will get them out of a hostile situation. Alternative: Blaster, Projector, Flirt. Will make everyone hate you.

As Manipulatee: Blind to the manipulation going on. Takes everything at face value. Not skeptical.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Belittled.

Manipulated by: Social pressure.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. White lies. Manipulation.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I promise I'll be careful."

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9. Specialist - ISFP

Toxicity Label: Envy. If toxic, always finds something to envy. Says wistful things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator: Constant victim. Will believe are, or play, the "victim" if it will get them out of a hostile situation. Alternative: Flirt. If pushed too far will crush your soul and life, destroy your beliefs and roast you way too har with no mercy whatsoever.

As Manipulatee: THE EASIEST!! Easy as they are warm and gentle. Tries to avoid being manipulated but can be trapped by those close.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Betrayed.

Manipulated by: Guilt.

Prime Factor: Constant Victim.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lie to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I've got it under control."

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10. Investigator - INFJ

Toxicity Label: Complainer. If toxic, displaces negativity onto others. Can be a bitter complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. Toxic behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well.

Common Toxicity Technique: Victim.

As Manipulator: The constant victim. A master manipulator. The "victim" is the Investigator who may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses when negative feelings are identified. Alternative: Powerful Dependent. Standard manipulator.

As Manipulatee: Can read you, but not as well if a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Taken for granted.

Manipulated by: Trust.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. White lies. Manipulation.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I won't judge you."

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11. Agent - INFP

Toxicity Label: Complainer. Complainer. If toxic, displaces negativity onto others. Can be a bitter complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. Toxic behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well.

Common Toxicity Technique: Victim.

As Manipulator: Deliberate misinterpreter. To make rivals look bad equals they look good. Alternative: Nil. Standard manipulator.

As Manipulatee: Can pretty much see through you and are one step ahead.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Trapped.

Manipulated by: Trust.

Prime Factor: Deliberate misinterpreter.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweak the truth.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I'm over it."

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12. Achiever - ISTP

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Criticism.

As Manipulator: Blaster. Scream, hit, whatever to get you off their back. Do not want issues exposed! Alternative: Flirt. Pulls mortal pranks and ends up accidentally killing you.

As Manipulatee: Not easy to manipulate as they prefer to be alone. Dislike people who are manipulative or shady.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Used.

Manipulated by: Frustration.

Prime Factor: Blaster.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lie to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "No big deal."

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13. Practitioner - ISFJ

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possesses an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression. (Clubhouse Leader).

As Manipulator: The constant victim. The "victim" is the Practitioner who may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses this when negative feelings are identified. Grates on others with their 'poor-me' attitude and are allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. The world is always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They can start by saying, "I don't want you to think I am a complainer". This is self-certification that they are just that. When you offer a solution to their problems they always say, "Yes, but...." One gets the feeling that whatever you do, they will never be satisfied. You should consider screening your calls or purposely avoiding them. As a friend, you may want to help, but their tales of woe may overwhelm you. Alternative: Powerful Dependent, Deliberate Misinterpreter. Is uninspiring.

As Manipulatee: Easily manipulated. Warm hearts, desire to please make for an easy target for shady people.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Neglected.

Manipulated by: Guilt.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. White lies. Manipulation.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I don't need help."

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14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ

Toxicity Label: Envy. If toxic, sometimes finds something to envy. Says wistful (full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy) things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator: Triangulator (majority rules). Because if it is established by the majority, it must be right. So they will not feel like an idiot by agreeing. Alternative: Iron fist. Slowly crushes your soul with sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness.

As Manipulatee: Rather difficult to manipulate as are skeptical. If you try, you will not be trusted again by the OT.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Misled.

Manipulated by: Frustration.

Prime Factor: Triangulator.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lie to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "Oh, sorry I forgot."

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15. Perfectionist - INTP

Toxicity Label: Misunderstood Genius. If toxic, has too big an idea of themselves. Believes that they are too good for this world and their life is a failure because of society/fate/a higher power/other people. Whatever great things they have accomplished (or more often, could have accomplished) gets unrecognized and underestimated. The misunderstood genius will be overly sensitive to criticism and can make others feel uncomfortable and guilty for giving them negative feedback, even if it is constructive criticism and the other person has the best intentions.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical. Parasitic.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Nil. Slowly crushes your soul with sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness.

As Manipulatee: Very difficult and hates manipulation as is skeptical. Avoids hurt by way of trusting and being seen as a 'fool' by keeping a safe distance.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Subjected to having games played on them.

Manipulated by: Reverse psychology.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweak the truth.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "It's whatever."

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16. Enhancer - INTJ

Toxicity Label: Misunderstood Genius. If toxic, has too big an idea of themselves. Believes that they are too good for this world and their life is a failure because of society/fate/a higher power/other people. Whatever great things they have accomplished (or more often, could have accomplished) gets unrecognized and underestimated. The misunderstood genius will be overly sensitive to criticism and can make others feel uncomfortable and guilty for giving them negative feedback, even if it is constructive criticism and the other person has the best intentions.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Triangulator, Iron fist. Slowly crushes your soul with sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness.

As Manipulatee: Will put ten times the energy into trying to manipulate you that you could ever put into manipulating them.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Controlled.

Manipulated by: Reverse psychology.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I don't care." But only when there are obvious consequences in not caring - demotion, losing job, divorce etc.

Example: If an Enhancer had a very long history of rule breaking as a child, it would seem that they are very good at lying even though they do not like doing it. There will be instances where lying was the most rational course of action. Their introverted intuition has a way of predicting the most likely outcome of a scenario. Their extroverted thinking comes up with the most likely way of getting to that outcome.
If an Enhancer child sees some lollies that they are not allowed to have, but really want them, they would not just 'grab and eat' when nobody is looking because they have already predicted that the lollies' absence is going to be noticed. Instead, they lay out an entire combat strategy.
When. How. Alibis. Covering tracks. Leaving no evidence. Coming up with a believable theory on what might have happened to the lollies. The theft might have been pulled off so well that nobody would ever even think to ask ‘Did you eat those lollies?’ So, in one sense of lying, the crime has been executed so well that an audible lie is not necessary. The supposed innocence would in itself be a very big lie, but who would know? If, however, the Enhancer was caught red-handed, in most cases, they would have already created contingency plans and preempted excuses exactly for the odd chance of that actually happening.
The Enhancer is especially skilled at lying in the sense of intentional half-truths or deliberately misinterpreted meanings. Because in many cases, this would not be regarded as a straight-up lie. See Ingeniously Problematic™
Let's assume that the Enhancer was at a work site and the boss is not. They have a job they already know they are supposed to do and the boss is going to call later and give the next assignment. By the time the second job is complete, the boss will turn up. The call takes place before the first job is complete. The Enhancer might lead the boss to believe it is in order to get the next assignment without having to go through the whole annoying interrogation: ‘Why aren’t you finished yet?’ This will avoid the boss saying ‘Get the job done and then call me when you get that far’. This is totally unnecessary as the Enhancer is constantly trying to think ahead and plan the future. So by lying about the first job and indicating readiness for the second the Enhancer can wrap up the first job while simultaneously planning strategy for the second which is going to make things go a whole lot faster. The Enhancer is likely get both jobs done before the boss arrives and have a couple extra minutes to kill. Yes, it is technically a lie. But to an Enhancer it is considered to be operating at peak efficiency. This is how Elizabeth Hunter™ has operated all her career.

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Oxor Grey Rocking™

Oxor Grey Rocking™ is a technique for interacting with manipulative and abusive people. This can include people with narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder as well as toxic people without a mental health diagnosis.

This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person (the 'Grey Rock) you can be when interacting with a manipulative person.

Since people with manipulative personalities feed on drama, the duller and more boring you seem, the more you undermine their efforts to manipulate and control you.

Oxor Rocking Method - Six Strategies to grey rock them.

Here are six tips to keep in mind if you’re considering this strategy.

1. Know when and when not to use it

Recognizing a friend, a family member, or a partner’s toxic or manipulative behaviou may prompt you to begin taking steps to safely end the relationship and cut off contact.
This is not always possible. e.g. You might need to continue co-parenting with them, see them regularly at family gatherings or at work or they do not get the message.
By making all of your interactions as uninteresting as possible, you avoid giving the other person anything they can use to manipulate you. Over time, they may stop trying.
If you have to maintain some contact with them for whatever reason, keeping your conversation completely non-stimulating could lead them to lose interest and move on. If you were being stalked or otherwise fear for your safety, it is best to seek legal advice and involve law enforcement instead of relying on grey rocking.

2. Offer nothing

Toxic and manipulative people thrive on conflict, thrill and chaos. To make yourself less appealing, you want to seem more lacklustre and uninteresting.
If they ask questions you cannot avoid answering, keep your face blank and your response vague. Reply with “mm-hmm” or “uh-huh” instead of “no” and “yes.”
If you need to answer work-related questions more fully, it is helpful to avoid infusing your response with any personal opinions or emotion. This can help keep someone from grasping at small details they might try to manipulate you with later on.
e.g. A co-worker or committee member who likes to create drama asks: “Can you believe these new policies? How do you feel about them?” Respond with a shrug and “eh” without looking up from your work or making eye contact. Sticking to this noncommittal response, even when they persist, can make it seem as if you really have nothing more interesting to say.

3. Disengage and disconnect

Avoid eye contact with the manipulative person.

Since eye contact helps facilitate an emotional connection, focussing on another activity or looking elsewhere can help you remove emotions from the interaction. It can also help reinforce your sense of detachment.
Toxic people, particularly those living with a narcissistic personality, are often looking for attention. By giving your attention to another activity, you send the message you will not give them what they need.
Directing your attention elsewhere can also help distract you from attempts at manipulation. Toxic people may make slanderous, cruel and negative remarks to get a response and this can be really upsetting. But having something else to focus on can help make it easier to avoid showing any emotion at all.
If you do not have a project or paperwork close by to distract yourself with, you can try disengaging by focussing mentally on something more pleasant, such as your favourite place or a person you really care about.

4. Keep necessary interactions short

In some situations, you might need to have fairly regular conversations with a toxic or abusive person. Maybe your parent or co-worker has narcissistic traits, or you co-parent with a manipulative ex.
Communicating with email preferably or by phone, if you have no alternative, may work well here since doing so allows you to avoid prolonged interactions that might cause stress and make it harder to maintain the grey rock facade. But grey rocking can work for any type of communication.
Remember to keep responses as brief as possible, using: “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know” without any further explanation.
If you are managing a co-parenting schedule, limit communication to the pick-up and drop-off times.

5. Do not tell them that you are using this technique

The goal of grey rocking is to get the other person to lose interest in you on their own. If they realize that you are trying to make yourself seem dull on purpose, they can use this knowledge to further manipulate and attempt to control you.
Instead of giving them any clues about the technique, work toward treating them as a stranger with whom you have no emotional connection. Remind yourself that you have no obligation or need to share anything extra with them, ever.
That said, spending a lot of time in this mode can start to affect how you express yourself in other areas of your life, so it can be helpful to tell people you trust exactly what you are doing.

6. Avoid diminishing yourself

It is important to take care not to lose sight of yourself when grey rocking as it requires a disconnect from your emotions and feelings. It is possible to experience symptoms of dissociation or complete disconnect from your own feelings and emotions.
You may find it helpful to seek professional advice if you begin having trouble connecting with people who are important to you; it becomes difficult to express yourself within the positive, healthy relationships in your life; you feel that you are losing your identity or self-awareness
It might seem helpful to temporarily change your appearance to make yourself seem less physically interesting, by wearing plain clothes or taking less care with your appearance, for example, if that is appropriate for the situation. This needs to be done with care as it may affect your sense of self-identity and self-empowerment. Before making any physical changes, it might help to talk to a professional advisor who can offer guidance on the most helpful approach for your specific situation.
Oxor does not give advice. But it's your call to involve professional advice when you have to maintain contact with an abusive person, especially when that person is a family member or co-parent. Advisors can help you develop healthy coping strategies and work with you to explore other approaches if grey rocking, or any technique you try, does not seem to be having the desired effect.

Summary

Toxic or emotionally abusive people can be pretty difficult to interact with, to put it mildly. They might lie, create drama, or pick arguments frequently. Over time, manipulation tactics, such as gas lighting (psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality or memories) and fact twisting can wear you down, affect your self-esteem and make you question yourself.
Cutting off contact with toxic people is often the only way to keep them from continuing to cause emotional harm. But when this is not possible, grey rocking may work as a technique to get the manipulator to lose interest. If they cannot get anything beyond bland, emotionless answers from you, they may well give up. That's what worked with a particularly toxic person in a retirement village on one occasion. Thanks Oxor!

The Investigator and the Enhancer are the masters of Oxor Grey Rocking™.

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