Situation - You are observing someone being involved, either way, in manipulation

 

Majik™ Guide: Prime factor of how each pattern goes as the MANIPULATOR and LIAR.

Pattern	Manipulation Method	Manipulation Rank	Toxicity Label	Liar Ranking 1 = top; 16 = bottom	Liar Method	Lies About
1. Director - ESTJ	One upmanship, intimidation, shaming, provocation, vilifying the victim.	9/16.	Complainer.	11/16.	Propaganda.	When forgets and assigns blame - 'I never received your email'. About their feelings to keep up their guard.
2. Developer - ENTJ	One upmanship, intimidation, provocation, rationalization, vilifying the victim.	5/16.	Judger.	7/16.	Propaganda.	When needs a temporary solution to a problem. About taxable income. "I did not have to report that in my tax, geez, it is legal".
3. Results - ESTP	One upmanship, lying, shaming, provocation, feigning innocence, humou, minimization, exaggeration.	4/16. Be warned.	Envy.	6/16.	Lies to meet needs.	When for the excitement. "Can I get away with it?”. How much they can bench press and what sport they play/watch.
4. Inspirational - ENTP	Deliberate misinterpreter, provocation, humour, shaming, exaggeration, minimization, rationalization.	2/16. Be warned.	Approval Seeker.	1/16. Oxor™ told you.	Tweaks the truth. Practices lying.	When exaggerating stories of famous people met or unjust things that have happened to them. For fun. Telling half the story. They deny the truth regarding facts!
5. Persuader - ENFJ	Projector / Triangulator, flattery, playing the servant role, triangulation, humour, vilifying the victim, poisoning the well, smear campaigns.	1/16. Be warned. Most common. Avoids any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving them what they want is a powerfully manipulative manoeuvre.	Judger.	2/16. Oxor™ told you.	Propaganda. To get goal.	When about themselves. 'I am like this and this.' When they are not. Embellishes achievements that may not have happened. Protects themselves and loved ones from criticism.
6. Appraiser - ESFJ	Constant victim, flattery, splitting, smear campaigns, triangulation, poisoning the well, reinforcement, the silent treatment.	6/16.	Approval Seeker.	4/16. Oxor™ told you.	White lies.	When about how much they like someone or enjoy something to fit in. To lie to Mum then regretting it and vowing to never lie again.
7. Promoter - ENFP	One upmanship, humour, distraction, poisoning the well, self-victimization, flattery.	7/16.	Needer.	8/16.	Tweaks the truth.	When about being normal. They are not. About their situation to gain pity/sympathy.
8. Counselor - ESFP	One upmanship, denial, selective inattention, humour, feigning confusion, feigning innocence, minimization, exaggeration.	13/16.	Approval Seeker.	10/16.	White lies.	When about how much they really party, drink, do stupid things and make costly decisions. To make their anecdotes more interesting.
9. Specialist - ISFP	One upmanship, secrecy, playing the victim role, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment.	8/16.	Envy.	12/16.	Lies to meet needs.	When about how busy they are when, in fact, they are too lazy to do something and want someone else to do it. Lie about lying about their own self-worth.
10. Investigator - INFJ	Constant victim, distraction, secrecy, avoidance, humour, flattery.	3/16. Be warned.	Complainer	3/16. Oxor™ told you.	White lies.	When they nod as if they know exactly what the other person is talking about when they have no idea. Accidentally lie because they forgot what your favourite movie is.
11. Agent - INFP	Deliberate misinterpreter, self-victimization, projecting the blame, guilt-tripping, shaming.	11/16.	Complainer.	16/16.	Tweaks the truth.	When concealing conflicted or angry emotions. A white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings but hurting their own.
12. Achiever - ISTP	Blaster, selective inattention, the silent treatment, feigning confusion, secrecy, denial, lying, minimization.	16/16.	Judger.	9/16.	Lies to meet needs.	When lying about lying - "'I have never lied before. Except for three times...maybe more....”.
13. Practitioner - ISFJ	Constant victim, playing the servant role, guilt-tripping, shaming, self-victimization, passive aggressiveness, reciprocity.	7/16.	Approval Seeker.	5/16.	White lies.	When avoiding having to say unpleasant things. About how much money they have because they really want to buy someone a meal.
14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ	Triangulator, avoidance, the silent treatment, shaming, guilt-tripping.	14/16.	Envy.	15/16.	May lie to meet needs but seldom does.	Tend to tell the truth with facts at all times. Lies when someone asks them about their private life.
15. Perfectionist - INTP	One upmanship, avoidance, selective inattention, rationalization, self-victimization.	15/16.	Misunderstood Genius.	13/16.	Tweaks the truth.	When telling about how hygienic or how sexual they are. Also when they are interested in people when they are not. Lie by omission and clain that is not lying.
16. Enhancer - INTJ	One upmanship, rationalization, distraction, secrecy, triangulation, lying, avoidance, intimidation.	10/16.	Misunderstood Loner.	14/16.	Propaganda. Vigilant liar to accomplish something.	When the need to make it sound as if they are the expert or just when they are being stubborn. Lies to cope with reality.
Pattern	Manipulation Method	Manipulation Rank	Toxicity Label	Liar Ranking 1 = top; 16 = bottom	Liar Method	Lies About

   

1. Director - ESTJ

Toxicity Label: Complainer. If toxic, displaces negativity onto others. A bitter complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. When toxic, the Director's behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression. Victim. Domineering.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs their own ego. Manipulates bureaucratically to conform to their idea of "normal". Lacks the ability to self-assess objectively and see any flaws in their thinking. Alternative: Triangulator, Iron fist.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Will be demeaning to you with no regrets. At No. 9, this pattern is prone to manipulate sometimes. They are known for being logical and sensible. They are also very organized and level-headed often with a strong sense of duty and responsibility. They may be stubborn and inflexible at times but overall they are honest and straightforward people. They generally do not manipulate others because they believe in doing things the right way. However, when toxic they can be extremely controlling and can use manipulation to get others to conform to their way of doing things. They also like to keep order and they might incentivize others to toe the line by manipulating them with rewards.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Intimidation, shaming, provocation, vilifying the victim. Their go-to tactic is intimidation, but they may shame victims; and they may even taunt their victims when the victim is in a position of powerlessness. Their tactics are not as versatile as some others; but they come on strong.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: Not very likely to manipulate others, but may do so to fulfill their rigid idea of how things should be. They do not have an innate skill for manipulation but, if they feel as if it is necessary, they may practice and develop their skill, learning to compliment or give gifts in order to convince those around them of their plans. They will do this all in the confines of social conventions and will not want to be called out on being a manipulator, but they will probably not feel too many emotional qualms about manipulating others.

As Manipulatee: Avoids manipulators as dislikes being pushed around. But not so if they are close to the manipulator.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Underestimated.

Manipulated by: Temptation.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Lies with propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I can handle liars and they are trustworthy in my eyes."

 

2. Developer - ENTJ

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Triangulator, Blaster, Iron fist.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Will crush your soul with no mercy. At No. 5 is the natural leader who often has a strong vision for what they want. They are also known for being very confident and assertive. When it comes to manipulation, this manipulator will use their charisma and persuasive abilities to get what they want from others. They may also use their position of power to control or manipulate others. They are often very ambitious and may be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, even if it means taking advantage of others. They will not be above manipulating their way to the top.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Intimidation, provocation, rationalization, vilifying the victim. They do not rely on manipulation tactics as much as they do on charisma. They use persuasive language and rhetoric and they naturally project confidence. They take the initiative to maneuver into a position of power where they have less need for tactics such as manipulation. They may employ other tactics to manoeuver into that position or to maintain it such as intimidating their opponents or provoking them such that the opponent loses their composure. However, they tend to dispense with these once they are in power.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They have a natural knack for manipulating others, athough not so much by using emotional methods. They will use their ethos to convince others to follow their ideas. If they can, they will choose to manipulate facts and events rather than other people, although they will not feel guilty if they need to manipulate others. Their manipulation will be subtle, calculated and long-term. Most likely to manipulate in a calculated manner to achieve their goals. They will be less adept at understanding other people’s emotions, but they will also experience less guilt manipulating other people.
They use power hierarchies to manipulate groups usually being the leader in a simliar way to the Persuader. They use threats of action against people such as blackmail and destroying the other person's reputation, using Machiavellian tactics and power plays, using "carrot and stick" tactics like invoking rewards for loyalty and threatening punishments for disobeying them and tactics to push people up or sideways if they are a threat.

As Manipulatee: Natural skeptic, not easy to manipulate at all as have their up and paying close attention. Only wants fully trusted souls around.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Ignored.

Manipulated by: Being roadblocked.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Lies with propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I appreciate people who spread false information and never do my best to correct this when I have the chance."

 

3. Results - ESTP

Toxicity Label: Envy. If toxic, always finds something to envy. Says wistful things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Blaster, Projector, Flirt.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Will make everyone hate you. At No. 4, this pattern has great potential to be manipulative. They are quick thinkers and natural charmers. When it comes to manipulation, they will flirt, compliment and then use their wit and humour to get what they want. As a high risk taker they may take advantage of others in order to achieve their goals. Being impulsive they may not think through the consequences of their actions. This can lead to them manipulating others to get what they want in the moment without considering the long-term effects.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Lying, shaming, provocation, feigning innocence, humour, minimization, exaggeration. They may lie to cover their tracks. To establish dominance, they will use shaming language. To escape consequences for their actions, they will play down their abuse or re-frame it as a joke. At worst, they will deliberately question theother person's own sanity or powers of reasoning.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: More likely to express their sentiments in a straightforward way, they may manipulate others by generating enthusiasm around ideas that they support. Most likely to manipulate others spontaneously, convincing them to do something for theeir own amusement or fun. Their passionate energy will allow them to make any idea sound appealing. However, true emotional or long term manipulation will be difficult as they have little talent for reading others’ feelings or planning. This pattern will rarely feel bad about manipulating others, as they have an 'in the moment', light hearted personality.
They use social charm, coercing people into doing things, sometimes using threats, lying to people, creating chaos to disorient people and gain the upper hand or to evade responsibility, making promises to people and then abandoning the person or promise when it no longer serves their interests, exploiting people for everything they can get out of them and then abandoning them when they get bored or find someone else to exploit.

As Manipulatee: If trusts and admires can often be easily manipulated by them. Not easily swayed by strangers.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Dominated.

Manipulated by: Temptation.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meets social norms. Lies to meet needs and get thrills.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I will never correct the liar who spreads misinformation."

 

4. Inspirational - ENTP

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. Possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation. Difficult to ever trust.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression. Debate.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. A Master. Machivellian. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. May see the other side of a conversation which could easily turn into an argument. Alternative: Projector. Pulls mortal pranks and ends up accidentally killing you. In the Covid area were likely to be more willing to take goods off shelves - including toilet paper - as they believe everyone else will do it anyway.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: It is a dog-eat-dog world. Most worthy of being No. 2. They are known for their quick wit, sharp tongue and silver-tongued charisma. They are natural born salespeople and can talk their way into (or out of) anything. With these skills in mind, they are known to take advantage of others. They may use their wit and charm to manipulate those around them into doing what they want. As the master debater, can use this skill to manipulate opinions and change minds.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Provocation, humour, shaming, exaggeration, minimization, rationalization. Their tactics are geared toward trolling. They are experts at provoking the anger of their victims to disarm of them of their logical faculties. They then argue their opponent into circles and then use humour to win the favour of their audience. To further absolve themselves of responsibility, they may offer a twisted justification for their behaviour e.g. that they were doing the victim a favour by challenging the victim’s beliefs.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They will most likely manipulate others for amusement, but will do so in a quite calculated way. This will be for two reasons: one, for immediate gain, and two, for an intellectual challenge. They enjoy the challenge of coming up with excuses or trying to convince others to do something. Although their purposes will be long-term, they will drop the manipulation if they get bored.
The Inspirational holds the GOLD STANDARD. They use psychological manipulation, gaslighting, social charm, creating chaos to disorient people and gain the upper hand or to evade responsibility, making things intentionally confusing so that they appear to know more than other people. They use a a purposely nonsensical twisting system of logic to suit their agenda and then pointing out all the flaws in that system when anyone else tries to use it to justify their ideas or they basically establish a principle to justify themselves and then tearing that principle to the ground before anyone can use it. They shift blame, obscure reality, they use red herring arguments to throw people off course, they use logic and reason to undermine or invalidate people's values and sentiments. They appeal to emotion to validate their own values and sentiments leading people into logical, social, or ideological traps where they are cornered and made to make claims or statements that undermine themselves and validate the Inspirational. They intentionally provoke people to test their limits, study their reactions and find their breaking point.

As Manipulatee: Senses any attempt. Turns the tables rather quickly. Tries to retaliate and manipulate back.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Dismissed.

Manipulated by: Being roadblocked.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweaks the truth frequently. Never, ever, to be trusted.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I am not a truth seeker."

 

5. Persuader - ENFJ

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator - general: Projector. Do not want to be seen as flawed; only wants to be seen in the light of their choice. Alternative: Nil. Clubhouse leader in being manipulative and often uses Triangulation.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Ready, see the No.1 manipulator, run! This manipulator is the Crown Prince or Princess for the most manipulative pattern. They have high emotional intelligence and strong intuition. When you combine these, it makes them very good at reading people and understanding their needs. This is one of their greatest strengths. However, when this is taken to the extreme, they can be master manipulators. They use their skills to control and manipulate others for their own gain. This manipulation can be subtle or overt, but it is always done with the intention of getting what they want. They are clever and can disguise it behind their natural charm and charisma. As with all patterns, not all are manipulative, but there are many to watch out for - Oxor™ says they are easy to spot. It is your choice to put up with them or to avoid them.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Flattery, playing the servant role, triangulation, humour, lying, vilifying the victim, poisoning the well, smear campaigns. Woe betide to anyone who makes a true enemy of this pattern. Most of the time their manipulation is benign and they justify it by claiming to help their victims. At the absolute worst, they can isolate the victim from friends, convincing them that the victim is the problem, then stage an 'intervention' on the victim’s behalf. Be extremely warned says Oxor™ of this liar.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: Most likely to manipulate others emotionally, possibly in order to fulfill their vision of what is best for the other person. Reading the other person’s emotions, they will use their intimate relationships to change the other person’s mindset. They would probably only do this if they felt it was the best for the other person; if someone was hurt by their actions, they would feel bad, but they may not think of what they are doing as manipulation, especially if they see it in the other person’s best interest (of course!!!).
The use emotional manipulation by building dependence so that a person feels as if they need them, manipulating groups of people to use peer pressure and threats of rejection from the group in order to coerce people into loyalty and obedience.

As Manipulatee: Can often sense when someone is attempting to manipulate. But this can fail if it is a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Antagonised.

Manipulated by: Withholding love.

Prime Factor: Projector or Triangulator

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Oxor™ rates as the pathological liar. Lies with propaganda and embellishes truth. Never, ever, to be trusted.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I cannot understand when some people simply need to avoid certain hard truths and I feel the need to berate them."

 

6. Appraiser - ESFJ

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator - general: The constant victim. The "victim" is the Appraiser who may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses this strategy when negative feelings are identified. Manipulates socially to conform to the idea of "normal". Lacks the ability to self-assess objectively and see any flaws in their own thinking. Alternative: Projector, Flirt.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Will make everyone hate you. At No. 6 they are a manipulator. They are known for being very caring and nurturing. They often put the needs of others before their own and have a strong desire to please others. However, their caring nature can be used to manipulate others. They may take advantage of people by pretending to be interested in them or their problems when they are really only interested in what they can get from them. The type of manipulation used more often than emotional manipulation. They may use guilt or flattery to get what they want.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Flattery, splitting, smear campaigns, triangulation, poisoning the well, reinforcement, the silent treatment.

They may dole out flattery to win some influence with the victim; but they also have a tendency to gush with genuine compliments to reward behaviour they deem appropriate (positive reinforcement). They may launch smear campaigns to try to isolate the victim and harm their reputation; then follow up by communicating their demands through the victim’s friends (triangulation). Or, at worst, pit their own friends against the victim's friends (splitting).

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: If they choose to manipulate others, they are likely to do so emotionally. They often do lots for others, giving compliments and making sure those around them feel better. Therefore, if they want something, they can use this quality to their advantage, guilting others into doing things for them in return. They would probably feel bad about this and would mainly feel uncomfortable since their natural tendencies involve helping others. They would likely manipulate people for social gain.
Their emotional manipulation will be done by invoking social norms to ostracize people such as telling them they are abnormal or that what they are doing is socially 'unacceptable' or 'wrong', trying to make people feel guilty and building dependence so that a person feels as if they need them and using groups or friends to peer pressure people.

As Manipulatee: Can often sense when people are untrustworthy and are not easy to manipulate. But can sense manipulation if it is a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Abandoned.

Manipulated by: Social pressure.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. Uses white lies.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I want to go digging up things that can be difficult to handle."

 

7. Promoter - ENFP

Toxicity Label: Needer. Is always in trouble. Makes others feel like they are the only person who can save them out of their misery. For example, they may ask to borrow some money or to help them find a job. They will never get out of trouble, either with your help or without it. Whatever issue a toxic Promoter faces, they will always turn to others for help. This pattern, in any mode, cannot handle their problems on their own.
If toxic, they will be loathed universally. The typically safe, encouraging, fun loving, caring Promoter can suddenly turn into the most self absorbed, impulsive, unthoughtful, unpredictable, and unreliable person. You learned that at Oxor™.

Common Toxicity Technique: Guilt Trips. Parasitic.

As Manipulator - general: Deliberate Misinterpreter. The Promoter is more like to do this to get what they want. While their goal may be to feel better about themselves, the others is to achieve a goal wherein they attain something, even if it just means a better deal or some sort of victory. Argumentative. Alternative: Projector, One-Upmanship, Flirt. Good at convincing but can be brief e.g. a trick.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Humour, distraction, poisoning the well, self-victimization, flattery. They usually do not manipulate but they are capable of any emotional manipulation tactic. They tend to defuse criticism with humour. Their main tactic is distraction. This is because they are normally so unfocussed yet their attempts at changing the focus of attention often fly under the radar. Can be 200% toxic.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: They manipulate others without even realizing it. At No. 12, are not known for being manipulative. They are warm, optimistic and outgoing individuals. They are often too busy living in their heads with their thoughts to bother with manipulating others. However, when they feel their values or ideals are being threatened, they can be very manipulative. They will use their charm and wit to persuade others to see their point of view. They can be very persuasive when they want to be. They are also known for being spontaneous and impulsive and manipulate automatically. If this is the case, they will likely feel guilty about this when they realize it.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They can use their perception of other people’s emotions to manipulate others. They may use guilt manipulation to get the support or favours that they desire. However, living independently and true to their own vision tends to be more important to them than material gains. In addition, if the they realize that they are being manipulative, they will most likely feel guilty.

As Manipulatee: Gullible and easily manipulated but has a natural skill for manipulation.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Reigned in.

Manipulated by: Withholding love.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweaks the truth. Be suspicious and on guard.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I never avoid certain truths, especially if they are far too difficult to face."

 

8. Counselor - ESFP

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. Possess an excessive need for approval. Feeds off others' attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator - general: The constant victim. Will believe they are, or will play, the "victim" if it will get them out of a hostile situation. Alternative: Blaster, Projector, Flirt.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Uses their popularity to control others. At No. 13, manipulation is not something that plays a big role in the life of the Promoter. They are known for being fun-loving and outgoing. They are also highly creative and expressive. They live in the moment and they generally do not have ulterior motives. However, they can be superficial and manipulative. They may use their charm and persuasion to get what they want from others. Whether it is a freebie from a friend or at a restaurant or attention from the opposite sex, they can be skilled at manipulation when they want to be including in social situations.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Denial, selective inattention, humour, feigning confusion, feigning innocence, minimization, exaggeration. Their language will distort the truth when they try to persuade people and, when they commit a wrong, they may try to get out of it either by playing it down or claiming that they never meant any harm to begin with. They will lie like there is no tomorrow when in a situation that will threaten their social standing and, basically, any other thing for that matter. But when it comes to lying well, i.e. constructing a believable story and remembering the lie when subsequently questioned, they suck HARD.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: If they are unhappy about something, they may be able to emotionally manipulate others into feeling bad as well and therefore fixing their situation for them. They may convince others to do crazy things that they want to do (though they probably do so in a “Please do it with me! *pouty face* Don’t make me sad!” kind of way). They may be prone to guilt tripping others into caring for them.
The become dependant on people and make them feel responsible for them, using guilt, threatening to harm themselves if a person leaves them, using affection in a conditional way, threatening to make a scene in public or throw a tantrum.

As Manipulatee: Blind to the manipulation going on. Takes everything at face value. Not skeptical.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Belittled.

Manipulated by: Social pressure.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. White lies. Manipulation.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "Being a truth seeker is not a recipe for disaster."

 

9. Specialist - ISFP

Toxicity Label: Envy. If toxic, always finds something to envy. Says wistful things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression.

As Manipulator - general: Constant victim. Will believe are, or play, the "victim" if it will get them out of a hostile situation. Alternative: Flirt.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: This enigma will crush your soul and life, destroy your beliefs and roast you way too hars with no mercy whatsoever. At No 8, are not necessarily manipulative people. They are generally warm and compassionate. They are also free-spirited and individualistic. They are known to feel things deeply and be emotional people. If this is not managed in a healthy way, they may turn to manipulation as a means of coping. They can be self-pitying and destructive. Therefore, they are skilled at playing the victim and using this to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them. They may also use their charm and persuasion to get what they want from others. They can be skilled at emotional manipulation as well.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Secrecy, playing the victim, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment. They are usually not very manipulative but they can be persuasive. Their manipulation usually centres around their own impression management and by concealing information. They are the mostly likely to say “I don’t want to talk about it”. If they are artists, they may try to sublimate their messages into their art. They may be deliberately obscure in their communication to frustrate their opponent into leaving them alone.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: If they are unhappy about something, they may be able to emotionally manipulate others into feeling bad as well and therefore fixing their situation for them. They may convince others to do crazy things that they want to do (though they probably do so in a “Please do it with me! *pouty face* Don’t make me sad!” kind of way). They may be prone to guilt tripping others into caring for them.

As Manipulatee: THE EASIEST!! Easy as they are warm and gentle. Tries to avoid being manipulated but can be trapped by those close.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Betrayed.

Manipulated by: Guilt.

Prime Factor: Constant Victim.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meets social norms. Lies to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "It’s fine, it didn’t bother me."

 

10. Investigator - INFJ

Toxicity Label: Complainer. If toxic, displaces negativity onto others. Can be a bitter complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. Toxic behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well.

Common Toxicity Technique: Victim.

As Manipulator - general: The constant victim. A very good manipulator. They are the most complicated and being complicated means they can understand people the best. The "victim" is themselves as they may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses when negative feelings are identified. Alternative: Powerful Dependent.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Be very careful here - the walking contradiction. At No.3, has the potential to be very manipulative. This pattern has a high EQ and high IQ. This can be a great strength, but it can also be a great weakness. They can pick up on people’s weak spots and insecurities and then use this knowledge to control and manipulate them. They can use this to benefit themselves but they can also get people to conform to their strong ideals and views. And when these views are a warped version of reality, they can have harmful consequences. While they are typically seen as kind and compassionate, they also have a dark side that can be very manipulative.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Distraction, secrecy, avoidance, humour, flattery. This pattern is said to be among the most potent manipulators because they possess introverted intuition. They typically use covert tactics in a conversational setting. Their favourite is to steer the conversation using questions, keeping the focus of attention on their interlocutor while remaining secretive about themselves. Under the guise of curiosity, in a sort of 'unstructured interview, they lead their opponent to a predetermined conclusion. They may defuse conflict with humour and instill a sense of trustworthiness by doling out compliments.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: Most likely to manipulate others emotionally, possibly in order to fulfill their vision of what is best for the other person. Reading the other person’s emotions, they will use their intimate relationships to change the other person’s mindset. They would probably only do this if they felt it was the best for the other person; if someone was hurt by their actions, they would feel bad, but they may not think of what they are doing as manipulation, especially if they see it in the other person’s best interest (of course!!!).
They tend to use psychological manipulation, making people dependant on them, using ultimatums, coercing people into doing things, using guilt, twisting narratives around to make other people look bad when really it was they who were acting dishonestly, or behaving antagonistically and then convincing a person it was, in fact, their fault or that they somehow "deserved" it.

As Manipulatee: Can read you, but not as well if a close person.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Taken for granted.

Manipulated by: Trust.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. Uses white lies.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "Sure, I’m happy to listen... AGAIN."

 

11. Agent - INFP

Toxicity Label: Complainer. Displaces negativity onto others. Can be a bitter and constant complainer who is difficult to deal with. Constantly complains and discredits everything. Toxic behaviour is a natural consequence of their own issues. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have a subconscious need to see others unhappy as well. And the unhappy person has been located.

Common Toxicity Technique: Victim.

As Manipulator - general: Deliberate misinterpreter. To make rivals look bad equals they look good. Alternative: Nil.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: They can manipulate people into feeling sorry for them. At No. 11 is not overly manipulative. They are gentle and compassionate. They are known for their idealism and their strong sense of morality. They generally want to make the world a better place. However, they can be self-righteous and judgemental. They may use their strong values to manipulate others into seeing things their way. They may also use their empathy and compassion to play the victim card themselves.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Self-victimization, projecting the blame, guilt-tripping, shaming. They normally will not manipulate but, if they do, it usually has a moral element. They are masters at playing the victim. For anything that may be wrong with them, they have the uncanny ability to displace the blame onto something else; usually society or their opponent.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They can use their perception of other people’s emotions to manipulate others. They may use guilt manipulation to get the support or favours that they desire. However, living independently and true to their own vision tends to be more important to them than material gains. In addition, if the they realize that they are being manipulative, they will most likely feel guilty.
The using guilt, evade responsibility and playing the complaining victim.

As Manipulatee: Can pretty much see through you and are one step ahead.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Trapped.

Manipulated by: Trust.

Prime Factor: Deliberate misinterpreter.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweaks the truth or does not undestand the issue. Be suspicious.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "Sure, I’ll do it your way."

 

12. Achiever - ISTP

Toxicity Label: Judger. If toxic, knows better and always know what is right and what is wrong for others. Invasive and controlling with constant criticism and judgmental attitude towards everything.

Common Toxicity Technique: Criticism.

As Manipulator - general: Blaster. Scream, hit, whatever to get you off their back. Do not want issues exposed! Alternative: Flirt.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Pulls mortal pranks and ends up accidentally killing you. At No. 16 are the least manipulative pattern. They are independent and reserved and usually prefer to live in the moment. They are not interested in controlling others and are more likely to let people do their own thing. They are honest and straightforward and they value independence and autonomy. They would see little point in wasting time trying to manipulate someone when they could just ask them directly for what they want. They are more likely to use their manipulation for harmless things, such as using their charm to get a discount on a purchase or using their wit to defuse a tense situation. However, they could charm someone into doing their dirty work for them.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Selective inattention, the silent treatment, feigning confusion, secrecy, denial, lying, minimization. Their manipulation is defined by their non-responsiveness to criticism. If their behaviou causes problems and others point it out, they may simply ignore these remarks. They may pretend that their behavioural problems do not exist.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: More likely to express their sentiments in a straightforward way, they may manipulate others by generating enthusiasm around ideas that they support. Most likely to manipulate others spontaneously, convincing them to do something for theeir own amusement or fun. Their passionate energy will allow them to make any idea sound appealing. However, true emotional or long term manipulation will be difficult as they have little talent for reading others’ feelings or planning. This pattern will rarely feel bad about manipulating others, as they have an 'in the moment', light hearted personality.
They deceive people, be intentionally vague, be intentionally unavailable, making promises to people and then abandoning the person or promise when it no longer serves their interests, use chaotic situations to evade responsibility.

As Manipulatee: Not easy to manipulate as they prefer to be alone. Dislikes people who are manipulative or shady.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Used.

Manipulated by: Frustration.

Prime Factor: Blaster.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lies to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I’ll have it to you by Monday."

 

13. Practitioner - ISFJ

Toxicity Label: Approval Seeker. If toxic, possesses an excessive need for approval. Feeds off other's attention and empathy. A sort of emotional parasite who starves without praise and social validation.

Common Toxicity Technique: Passive Aggression. (Clubhouse Leader).

As Manipulator - general: The constant victim. The "victim" is the Practitioner who may not realise that this is what they are doing. Uses this when negative feelings are identified. Grates on others with their 'poor-me' attitude and are allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. The world is always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They can start by saying, "I don't want you to think I am a complainer". This is self-certification that they are just that. When you offer a solution to their problems they always say, "Yes, but...." One gets the feeling that whatever you do, they will never be satisfied. You should consider screening your calls or purposely avoiding them. As a friend, you may want to help, but their tales of woe may overwhelm you. Alternative: Powerful Dependent, Deliberate Misinterpreter. Is uninspiring.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: The Passive-aggressive prince.At No. 7, certainly have the potential to be manipulative. They are generally compassionate and warm. They are known for their nurturing nature and their ability to care for others. They are also highly adept at reading people. However, they may use their strong people skills to emotionally manipulate those around them. This can be done in a number of ways, such as guilt-tripping, playing the victim or manipulating through flattery. They may also use their knowledge of others’ weaknesses to control them. However, overall they are kind and caring people that just want to help those around them but criticise them and you will see how they go.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Playing the servant role, guilt-tripping, shaming, self-victimization, passive aggressiveness, reciprocity. They may act like they are there to help the victim so as to gain trust. They then use their newfound influence to try to change the victim or they may do something nice. They then extort the victim’s sense of reciprocity to emotionally bribe them. They are also prone to guilt trips and to hold grudges.

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As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: If they choose to manipulate others, they are likely to do so emotionally. They often do lots for others, giving compliments and making sure those around them feel better. Therefore, if they want something, they can use this quality to their advantage, guilting others into doing things for them in return. They would probably feel bad about this and would mainly feel uncomfortable since their natural tendencies involve helping others.
Their emotional manipulation will be done by invoking social norms to ostracize people such as telling them they are abnormal or that what they are doing is socially 'unacceptable' or 'wrong', trying to make people feel guilty and building dependence so that a person feels as if they need them.

As Manipulatee: Easily manipulated. Warm hearts, the desire to please makes for an easy target for shady people.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Neglected.

Manipulated by: Guilt.

Prime Factor: Constant victim.

Lying: Cat 3. 3rd Quartile Lower. Uses white lies.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "No, that stain doesn’t show at all..."

 

14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ

Toxicity Label: Envy. Sometimes finds something to envy. Says wistful (full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy) things or gives others backhanded compliments.

Common Toxicity Technique: Toxic arrogance, struggling to really trust or believe anyone but themselves.

As Manipulator - general: Triangulator (majority rules). Because if it is established by the majority, it must be right. So they will not feel like an idiot by agreeing. Alternative: Iron fist.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Slowly crushes your soul with facts and not manipulation. At No. 14, are not typically manipulative. They are practical and logical and they prefer to stick to the facts. They would rather use their time to get things done than try and control others. They are honest and straightforward and they value stability and order. They would see little point in wasting time trying to manipulate someone when they could just ask them directly for what they want. However, they could use their practicality to take advantage of others. For example, they might use their knowledge of the law to exploit loopholes and get away with things.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Avoidance, the silent treatment, shaming, guilt-tripping. They are probably the least manipulative of all patterns. They could learn any kind of manipulation tactic and use it ruthlessly, but they are not naturally drawn to any tactic in particular. They are prone to social policing every now and then. In such events, they may use language to shame or guilt-trip those who do not conform to their ideals. In most situations in which they feel threatened, they are more likely to detach altogether than employ a manipulation tactic.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: Not very likely to manipulate others, but may do so to fulfill their rigid idea of how things should be. They do not have an innate skill for manipulation but, if they feel as if it is necessary, they may practice and develop their skill, learning to compliment or give gifts in order to convince those around them of their plans. They will do this all in the confines of social conventions and will not want to be called out on being a manipulator, but they will probably not feel too many emotional qualms about manipulating others.

As Manipulatee: Rather difficult to manipulate as are skeptical. If you try, you will not be trusted again by the OT.

Trouble can be expected if they are: Misled.

Manipulated by: Frustration.

Prime Factor: Triangulator.

Lying: Cat 4. Lowest. Meet social norms. Lies to meet needs.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I’m not mean, I’m just honest."

 

15. Perfectionist - INTP

Toxicity Label: Misunderstood Genius. Has too big an idea of themselves. Believes that they are too good for this world and their life is a failure because of society/fate/a higher power/other people. Whatever great things they have accomplished (or, more often, could have accomplished) gets unrecognized and underestimated. The misunderstood genius will be overly sensitive to criticism and can make others feel uncomfortable and guilty for giving them negative feedback, even if it is constructive criticism and the other person has the best intentions.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical. Parasitic.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. Alternative: Nil. Slowly crushes your soul with sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Will use reason and logic ahead of manipulation. At No. 15 is the second least manipulative pattern. They are independent and prefer to live in their own little world. Manipulation is not something that comes naturally to them. They are more likely to use logic and reasoning to persuade others. However, they are also intelligent and witty. They like to keep themselves mentally stimulated. Therefore, when taken to the extreme, they can use these traits to manipulate people for their own amusement. When they get bored, they will move on to the next thing that interests them.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Avoidance, selective inattention, rationalization, self-victimization. They are usually not motivated to manipulate. If they are threatened, they will usually withdraw or ignore their opponent. They can usually offer a justification for their behaviour. Sometimes they will play the victim role to get others on their side, but sadly this position is justified more often than not.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They will most likely manipulate others for amusement, but will do so in a quite calculated way. This will be for two reasons: one, for immediate gain, and two, for an intellectual challenge. They enjoy the challenge of coming up with excuses or trying to convince others to do something. Although their purposes will be long-term, they will drop the manipulation if they get bored.
They use psychological manipulation, tricking or deceiving people to escape from situations, evading responsibility, creating a system of logic specifically designed to support their own agenda and claiming that is objective truth.

As Manipulatee: Very difficult and hates manipulation as is so skeptical. Avoids hurt by way of trusting and being seen as a 'fool' by keeping a safe distance. Given their tendency to over-analyze and to have fun in finding plot holes or inconsistencies in your story, you have to be very careful with them. You either build your story perfectly and according to your own character or you are not going to succeed - ever. If you are the so called “charming” patterns such as the Persuader or Promoter and relatively a stranger you are bog standard easy to spot!!

Trouble can be expected if they are: Subjected to having games played on them.

Manipulated by: Reverse psychology.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 1. Most likely. Tweaks the truth. Be suspicious.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "It’s everything or nothing."

 

16. Enhancer - INTJ

Toxicity Label: Can be prone to toxic arrogance, which prevents them from really seeing if they are wrong in a situation. They are likely to consider themselves above others, always seeing their way as the smartest and more efficient choice. Which, annoyingly, is most of the time. They have a hard time ever accepting their mistakes and do not care to hear other people out about things. This causes them to miss out on certain information since they will not accept if they did not get a certain detail just right.

Common Toxicity Technique: Critical.

As Manipulator - general: One-Upmanship. Intent on winning, withholds information so will always know more - constructs own ego. When there are obvious consequences in not caring as there is seemingly nothing that can be done - demotion, losing job, divorce, being surrounded by incompetence and idiots who think they know better but are actually hopeless, yet cannot be removed etc. Alternative: Triangulator, Iron fist.

As Manipulator - the uncomfortable truth: Slowly crushes your soul with sarcasm and holding you to acccount. At No. 10, they are not inherently manipulative. They are known for being independent and analytical. They are strategic, ambitious and resourceful. They generally do not feel the need to manipulate others in order to get what they want. They would much rather use their intelligence and quick wit to outsmart others. However, they may use their sharp tongue and quick wit to cut others down. They are also incredibly goal-oriented and are often a few steps ahead of their competition. So, at the extreme end, they may use their knowledge and insight to take advantage of others. They can use manipulation as a way to control those around them and achieve their goals.

As Manipulator - TACTICS: Rationalization, distraction, secrecy, triangulation, lying, avoidance, intimidation. This pattern has an extraordinary potential for manipulation (which may or may not be actualized) because they possess introverted intuition. They can rationalize anything, including their opponent’s behaviour. They can usually tell where a conversation is going and can divert it long before it arrives there. It is possible for them to manipulate circumstances without their opponent even realizing they exist. They are the most likely to conspire against their opponents, while at the same time avoiding a direct confrontation with them. They also possess the death stare, which avails them of some intimidation.

As the Emotional Manipulator - TACTICS: They have a natural knack for manipulating others, athough not so much by using emotional methods. They will use their ethos to convince others to follow their ideas. If they can, they will choose to manipulate facts and events rather than other people, although they will not feel guilty if they need to manipulate others. Their manipulation will be subtle, calculated and long-term. Most likely to manipulate in a calculated manner to achieve their goals. They will be less adept at understanding other people’s emotions, but they will also experience less guilt manipulating other people.
They only reference the facts that support their own agenda while dismissing any contrary facts as being irrelevant. They use psychological manipulation, using ultimatums, using certain Machiavellian tactics and power plays, claiming that they know best while trying to prove to other people that they are stupid, need their guidance and should never question the Enhancer's methods.

As Manipulatee: Will put ten times the energy into trying to manipulate you that you could ever put into manipulating them. Given their tendency to over-analyze and to have fun in finding plot holes or inconsistencies in your story, you have to be very careful with them. You either build your story perfectly and according to your own character or you are not going to succeed - ever. If you are the so called 'charming' patterns such as the Persuader or Promoter and relatively a stranger you are bog standard easy to spot!!

Trouble can be expected if they are: Controlled.

Manipulated by: Reverse psychology.

Prime Factor: One Upmanship.

Lying: Cat 2. 2nd Quartile. Higher. Propaganda.

You know this pattern is lying when they say: "I’ve got my emotions all under control."

Example: If an Enhancer had a very long history of rule breaking as a child, it would seem that they are very good at lying even though they do not like doing it. There will be instances where lying was the most rational course of action. Their introverted intuition has a way of predicting the most likely outcome of a scenario. Their extroverted thinking comes up with the most likely way of getting to that outcome.
If an Enhancer child sees some lollies that they are not allowed to have, but really want them, they would not just 'grab and eat' when nobody is looking because they have already predicted that the lollies' absence is going to be noticed. Instead, they lay out an entire combat strategy.
When. How. Alibis. Covering tracks. Leaving no evidence. Coming up with a believable theory on what might have happened to the lollies. The theft might have been pulled off so well that nobody would ever even think to ask ‘Did you eat those lollies?’ So, in one sense of lying, the crime has been executed so well that an audible lie is not necessary. The supposed innocence would in itself be a very big lie, but who would know? If, however, the Enhancer was caught red-handed, in most cases, they would have already created contingency plans and preempted excuses exactly for the odd chance of that actually happening.
The Enhancer is especially skilled at lying in the sense of intentional half-truths or deliberately misinterpreted meanings. Because in many cases, this would not be regarded as a straight-up lie. See Ingeniously Problematic™
Let's assume that the Enhancer was at a work site and the boss is not. They have a job they already know they are supposed to do and the boss is going to call later and give the next assignment. By the time the second job is complete, the boss will turn up. The call takes place before the first job is complete. The Enhancer might lead the boss to believe it is in order to get the next assignment without having to go through the whole annoying interrogation: ‘Why aren’t you finished yet?’ This will avoid the boss saying ‘Get the job done and then call me when you get that far’. This is totally unnecessary as the Enhancer is constantly trying to think ahead and plan the future. So by lying about the first job and indicating readiness for the second the Enhancer can wrap up the first job while simultaneously planning strategy for the second which is going to make things go a whole lot faster. The Enhancer is likely get both jobs done before the boss arrives and have a couple extra minutes to kill. Yes, it is technically a lie. But to an Enhancer it is considered to be operating at peak efficiency. This is how Elizabeth Hunter™ has operated all her career.

 

Oxor Grey Rocking™

Oxor Grey Rocking™ is a technique for interacting with manipulative and abusive people. This can include people with narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder as well as toxic people without a mental health diagnosis.

This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person (the 'Grey Rock') you can be when interacting with a manipulative person.

Since people with manipulative personalities feed on drama, the duller and more boring you seem, the more you undermine their efforts to manipulate and control you.

Oxor Rocking Method - Six Strategies to grey rock them.

Here are six tips to keep in mind if you’re considering this strategy.

1. Know when and when not to use it

Recognizing a friend, a family member, or a partner’s toxic or manipulative behaviour may prompt you to begin taking steps to safely end the relationship and cut off contact.
This is not always possible. e.g. You might need to continue co-parenting with them, see them regularly at family gatherings or at work or they do not get the message.
By making all of your interactions as uninteresting as possible, you avoid giving the other person anything they can use to manipulate you. Over time, they may stop trying.
If you have to maintain some contact with them for whatever reason, keeping your conversation completely non-stimulating could lead them to lose interest and move on. If you were being stalked or otherwise fear for your safety, it is best to seek legal advice and involve law enforcement instead of relying on grey rocking.

2. Offer nothing

Toxic and manipulative people thrive on conflict, thrills and chaos. To make yourself less appealing, you want to seem more lacklustre and uninteresting.
If they ask questions you cannot avoid answering, keep your face blank and your response vague. Reply with “mm-hmm” or “uh-huh” instead of “no” and “yes.”
If you need to answer work-related questions more fully, it is helpful to avoid infusing your response with any personal opinions or emotion. This can help keep someone from grasping at small details they might try to manipulate you with later on.
e.g. A co-worker or committee member who likes to create drama asks: “Can you believe these new policies? How do you feel about them?” Respond with a shrug and “eh” without looking up from your work or making eye contact. Sticking to this noncommittal response, even when they persist, can make it seem as if you really have nothing more interesting to say.

3. Disengage and disconnect

Avoid eye contact with the manipulative person.

Since eye contact helps facilitate an emotional connection, focussing on another activity or looking elsewhere can help you remove emotions from the interaction. It can also help reinforce your sense of detachment.
Toxic people, particularly those living with a narcissistic personality, are often looking for attention. By giving your attention to another activity, you send the message you will not give them what they need.
Directing your attention elsewhere can also help distract you from attempts at manipulation. Toxic people may make slanderous, cruel and negative remarks to get a response and this can be really upsetting. But having something else to focus on can help make it easier to avoid showing any emotion at all.
If you do not have a project or paperwork close by to distract yourself with, you can try disengaging by focussing mentally on something more pleasant, such as your favourite place or a person you really care about.

4. Keep necessary interactions short

In some situations, you might need to have fairly regular conversations with a toxic or abusive person. Maybe your parent or co-worker has narcissistic traits, or you co-parent with a manipulative ex.
Communicating with email preferably or by phone, if you have no alternative, may work well here since doing so allows you to avoid prolonged interactions that might cause stress and make it harder to maintain the grey rock facade. But grey rocking can work for any type of communication.
Remember to keep responses as brief as possible, using: “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know” without any further explanation.
If you are managing a co-parenting schedule, limit communication to the pick-up and drop-off times.

5. Do not tell them that you are using this technique

The goal of grey rocking is to get the other person to lose interest in you on their own. If they realize that you are trying to make yourself seem dull on purpose, they can use this knowledge to further manipulate and attempt to control you.
Instead of giving them any clues about the technique, work toward treating them as a stranger with whom you have no emotional connection. Remind yourself that you have no obligation or need to share anything extra with them, ever.
That said, spending a lot of time in this mode can start to affect how you express yourself in other areas of your life, so it can be helpful to tell people you trust exactly what you are doing.

6. Avoid diminishing yourself

It is important to take care not to lose sight of yourself when grey rocking as it requires a disconnect from your emotions and feelings. It is possible to experience symptoms of dissociation or complete disconnect from your own feelings and emotions.
You may find it helpful to seek professional advice if you begin having trouble connecting with people who are important to you; it becomes difficult to express yourself within the positive, healthy relationships in your life; you feel that you are losing your identity or self-awareness
It might seem helpful to temporarily change your appearance to make yourself seem less physically interesting, by wearing plain clothes or taking less care with your appearance, for example, if that is appropriate for the situation. This needs to be done with care as it may affect your sense of self-identity and self-empowerment. Before making any physical changes, it might help to talk to a professional advisor who can offer guidance on the most helpful approach for your specific situation.
Oxor™ does not give advice. But it's your call to involve professional advice when you have to maintain contact with an abusive person, especially when that person is a family member or co-parent. Advisors can help you develop healthy coping strategies and work with you to explore other approaches if grey rocking, or any technique you try, does not seem to be having the desired effect.

Summary

Toxic or emotionally abusive people can be pretty difficult to interact with, to put it mildly. They might lie, create drama, or pick arguments frequently. Over time, manipulation tactics, such as gas lighting (psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality or memories) and fact twisting can wear you down, affect your self-esteem and make you question yourself.
Cutting off contact with toxic people is often the only way to keep them from continuing to cause emotional harm. But when this is not possible, grey rocking may work as a technique to get the manipulator to lose interest. If they cannot get anything beyond bland, emotionless answers from you, they may well give up. That's what worked with a particularly toxic person in a retirement village on one occasion. Thanks Oxor™!

The Investigator and the Enhancer are the maestros of Oxor Grey Rocking™.