Composed by Modern Maven Elizabeth Hunter™ from decades of observation and investigation - Latest update July 13, 2021.
Situation - You now know what to expect as the pattern you are observing is being a narcissist or become domineering, mainly in a management sense, but not exclusively.
Click to go to each Pattern
- 1. Director - ESTJ
- 2. Developer - ENTJ
- 3. Results - ESTP
- 4. Inspirational - INTP
- 5. Persuader - ENFJ
- 6. Appraiser - ESFJ
- 7. Promoter - ENFP
- 8. Counselor - ESFP
- 9. Specialist - ISFP
- 10. Investigator - INFJ
- 11. Agent - INFP
- 12. Achiever - ISTP
- 13. Practitioner - ISFJ
- 14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ
- 15. Perfectionist - INTP
- 16. Enhancer - INTJ
- Black and White Knight Narcissists
- Narcissistic Supply
- Treatment by the Narcissist
- Tricks to deflate the Narcissist
- Questions the Narcissist cannot answer
1. Director - ESTJ
The Director, together with the Developer, are known for their bluntness, business acumen and ability to lead. As narcissists, however, their leadership would become a dictatorship. They would micromanage people and overpower them – not for the purpose of organisational efficiency, but for the purpose of feeling superior.
The Director is focussed and intense and can sometimes be a bit domineering. They have a hard time taking a backseat to others and are best suited as leaders. They can become frustrated with inefficiency, so they desire to ensure that everyone does things correctly. They can be a bit hard on others when they are trying to get tasks finished properly, simply because they know how they want things done. They prefer to take charge to ensure that everyone is following orders and working their best. Their natural personalities are certainly dominant and are less likely to submit to someone else’s demands.
2. Developer - ENTJ
The Developer, together with the Director are known for their bluntness, business acumen and ability to lead. As narcissists, however, their leadership would become a dictatorship. They would micromanage people and overpower them – not for the purpose of organisational efficiency, but for the purpose of feeling superior.
The Developer is a natural leader and are more than capable of taking charge of a situation. They do have somewhat a domineering personality as they enjoy being able to take control. They do not intend to appear arrogant with their leadership, but sometimes their take charge attitude can be a bit intense / bullying. They are naturally dominant people though and do best when they are capable of monitoring how things are being done. They value efficiency above everything else and want to ensure that everything is being done properly.
3. Results - ESTP
The Results, together with the Inspirational, are natural-born devil’s advocates so, as narcissists, this trait would be exaggerated in their ability to provoke and demean others. They would argue in favour of horrific crimes or blatant inequalities just to make the people they are debating with angry and / or upset. They would be hypercritical and abrasive, as well as emotionally abusive. Their cruel bluntness would be disguised as, "That’s just the way I am."
The Results is outgoing and friendly who enjoys living in the present moment. They do have times where they can seem a bit domineering, especially when they are trying to inform someone. They remember a lot of facts and information and can become frustrated with ignorant people. They simply want to inform them and help them learn, but when someone is not receptive the Results can appear a bit aggressive and pushy. They do have somewhat dominant personalities, but can be submissive towards certain loved ones.
4. Inspirational - ENTP
The Inspirational, together with the Results, are natural-born devil’s advocates so, as narcissists, this trait would be exaggerated in their ability to provoke and demean others. They would argue in favour of horrific crimes or blatant inequalities just to make the people they are debating with angry and / or upset. They would be hypercritical and abrasive, as well as emotionally abusive. Their cruel bluntness would be disguised as, "That’s just the way I am."
The Inspirational is generally not domineering and prefers to just do their own thing. They are independent and intelligent who believe in diving into what life has to offer. They enjoy taking on new challenges and absolutely love seeking out the many possibilities around them. They can certainly take charge if they have to, and might become a bit aggressive when someone is not paying attention to something important. When the Inspirational values something they want to be sure that other people do not step on or disrespect that. For the most part they prefer to have their own space and do not want to invade the space of others.
5. Persuader - ENFJ
The Persuader is a natural born influencer and ‘teacher’ that would demand that their ‘students’ worship them. As narcissists, they may become predatory and cross boundaries with those they are ‘educating.’
The Persuader enjoys making people happy and does not want to upset or harm people. Although they are tender and loving people, they do have domineering tendencies. When it comes to getting things done, they are not afraid of taking charge in order to make sure things actually happen the right way. They are not likely to push people around in an upsetting way, since they are actually great at motivating people naturally. Their charismatic and friendly personalities really help them keep a leadership role without causing any discord. They are capable of being rather dominant people, but they do it without trying to upset people although they have a tendency to interfere which can grate, sometimes massively, on other patterns.
6. Appraiser - ESFJ
The Appraiser would create enmeshed relationships and have no problem violating the boundaries of others. When healthy, they are empathic and giving. But as narcissists, they would ‘give’ only to get back. They may give the bare minimum to people and forcefully demand the maximum in return.
The Appraiser is generally not domineering as they prefer to keep the peace. They do not want to be seen as pushy, but they do have the occasionally bossy tendencies. They simply want to get things done and have some high-strung parts to their personality. They enjoy doing everything they can to take care of their loved ones and focus mainly on tending to their needs. They are loving people and generally do not like being too aggressive towards others.
7. Promoter - ENFP
The Promoter when in narcissist mode would always be seeking validation and attention from others. These would probably be the more ‘vulnerable’ narcissists compared to the other patterns, using their relationships with others to hide their core sense of shame.
The Promoter is definitely strong-willed who has a somewhat domineering side. In most cases, the Promoter would rather go with the flow and enjoy life as it comes at them. They do not want to be seen as too pushy, since they prefer to remain positive. They do have times where they realise they need to take charge of the situation and can be rather intimidating and obnoxious when this happens. They are usually capable of being dominant without upsetting people too much, since they are charismatic and likable people on the surface. But they can rank as the most obnoxious Click Here. You have been warned.
8. Counselor - ESFP
The Counselor is the party animal who tends to be the life of the party. As a narcissist, they would create harems of adoring fans that cater to their every need and ‘get off’ on all of the attention they are receiving. They love to be the centre of attention and would be perpetual spotlight-hoggers. They are also very into aesthetics, so they may present as a more ‘somatic’ narcissist – someone overly obsessed with their looks and appearance.
The Counselor is usually light-hearted and carefree who enjoys living in the present moment. They do not want to appear domineering and prefer being able to be positive. They just want to have fun and do not want to have other people forcing them to be more grounded. They can become frustrated with controlling or domineering people and are not afraid to challenge them. They do not want to be tamed or controlled since they prefer to live their lives their own way.
9. Specialist - ISFP
The Specialist, together with the Achiever, are gentle as non-narcissists but, as narcissists, would present as a pessimistic a person who hates or distrusts humankind. They would be the ones constantly griping about how unfair the world is, how they are always the victim and how they never get their fair share. They would work to underhandedly sabotage anyone who has what they covet.
The Specialist is certainly not domineering and prefers to live a much more carefree lifestyle. They enjoy living in the present moment and simply want to absorb the beauty in the world around them. They enjoy following their heart and simply want to feel free to do so. They are not pushy or controlling; they simply want to live their own lives in harmony. They want people to give them space to be themselves and, at the same time, the Specialist does not want to try and control others. This is why they are terrible leaders.
10. Investigator - INFJ
The Investigator, together with the Agent, as a narcissist would abuse their power as the change maker and would be ‘covert’ narcissists – a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They would take their perfectionism and ability to cut off relationships to the extreme by frequently abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, text messages, etc. and criticizing them to the nth degree. Rather than using their platforms to help support the populations they serve, they might attempt to use them to feed their grandiosity.
The Investigator is definitely not domineering especially when it comes to social settings. They do not want to be too pushy and prefer to give people their space. They want to let people be themselves, without feeling intimated by someone else. They do not want to ever make someone feel small, so they are comfortable taking a step back. They do not like to take charge, since the Investigator is usually inside of their own inner minds running through many different ideas. They can become a bit aggressive and dominating if someone else is attempting to push someone around. They are not afraid of taking charge when required, they simply prefer not to live their lives that way.
11. Agent - INFP
The Agent, together with the Investigator, as a narcissist would abuse their power as the change maker and would be ‘covert’ narcissists – a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They would take their perfectionism and ability to cut off relationships to the extreme by frequently abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, text messages, etc. and criticizing them to the nth degree. Rather than using their platforms to help support the populations they serve, they might attempt to use them to feed their grandiosity.
The Agent is very internal and gentle who prefers to keep to themselves most of the time. They are usually not domineering people and enjoy letting others do their own thing. They do not want to be viewed as controlling or pushy and would much rather take a step back. They are terrible leaders as they do not like the feeling of taking charge of other people. They do not want to be seen as intimidating, although they can become that way if necessary. Ultimately they prefer to keep to themselves, making them very introspective and private people.
12. Achiever - ISTP
The Achiever, together with the Specialist, are gentle as non-narcissists but, as narcissists, would present as a pessimistic a person who hates or distrusts humankind. They would be the ones constantly griping about how unfair the world is, how they are always the victim and how they never get their fair share. They would work to underhandedly sabotage anyone who has what they covet.
13. Practitioner - ISFJ
The Practitioner is generous to a fault as a non-narcissist. However, as a narcissist, they would present as the quintessential covert, shy and introverted helper with a hidden entitled streak. Although they will appear humble at the onset, make no mistake, they will be taking note of everything they do for you and at any time they feel they are not getting the attention or appreciation they deserve they will lash out. This can be in a terrifying display of narcissistic rage or passive-aggressive behaviour if they do not get what they want.
The Practitioner is definitely not domineering and, in many cases, are more submissive than most. They want to make other people happy and truly hate any kind of discord or conflict. They would rather keep the peace and work hard to maintain a sense of harmony in their environment. In a conflict situation, such as in a meeting they will be come passive-aggressive. They are the masters of this. More on this in Obnoxiousness Explorer™. They do not want to see people feeling uncomfortable in their presence and would rather be liked by their community. They are kind and loving people who are constantly tending to the needs of others. They are not afraid of letting someone else take charge of a situation, but can become aggravated with people who have an arrogant attitude.
14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ
The OT, as a narcissist would stonewall their partners, shutting down arguments even before they have had a chance to begin. They would be extremely traditional in the way they view things and use moralistic thinking to control others, all while engaging in hypocritical behaviour behind closed doors. In the realm of work, they would gravitate towards careers in power – such as that of law enforcement – just to abuse their power and get away with it.
The OT is hardworking and focussed who prefers to keep to them self. Most of the time, they just want to have their own space to get done what needs too be done. They do not want to be pushed around by people, but they also have no desire to be bossy towards others. They much prefer to have independence and space to get their work done and improve themselves. There may be moments where they can be a tad domineering, especially when they feel like people are not taking things seriously. They simply value work ethic and morals and become frustrated if people are too flighty and inconsiderate.
15. Perfectionist - INTP
The Perfectionist, together with the Enhancer, as a narcissist would take their rational side way too far. They would be the epitome of what we call the “cerebral narcissist,” using twisted logic to rationalize any mess or situation they have created. They would be prone to dehumanising others all in the name of reason. Their logical side would be so overblown that they would fail to have any empathy for victims of unfortunate circumstances or crimes – including the crimes they themselves committed.
The Perfectionist is generally not domineering as they prefer to take a less aggressive approach. They want to make the proper information known, since they crave precision. They simply do not want to be overly domineering in order to express the facts and educate people. They can be a bit intense to other people, but that is simply their natural personality mostly because of such a rich and active inner mind. They can have moments where their desire to be accurate can cause them to become somewhat domineering and forward in a situation. One just has to look at Australian Chief Medical Officer Prof. Brendan Murphy's attitude in the COVID-19 situation where he suddenly has huge public power after 40 years of absolutely none. He appears to be a schoolmaster, with a Catholic name, who is angry that his instructions are being ignored. At the press conference, he treats the adult public as children - 'If this continues, you will be punished'. In most cases though, the Perfectionist prefers to take a step back and simply observe things from a distance as they are terrible leaders and do not want to lead anyway.
16. Enhancer - INTJ
The Enhancer, together with the Perfectionist, as a narcissist would take their rational side way too far. They would be the epitome of what we call the “cerebral narcissist,” using twisted logic to rationalize any mess or situation they have created. They would be prone to dehumanising others all in the name of reason. Their logical side would be so overblown that they would fail to have any empathy for victims of unfortunate circumstances or crimes – including the crimes they themselves committed.
The Enhancer is independent and strong likes to do things their own way. When it comes to getting things done, they actually can be a bit (a lot) domineering. They do not try to be intimidating, but sometimes their natural intelligence and desire for accuracy can be a bit intense for people. They know how to take charge when it is necessary and can be rather dominant people. They are not afraid of being in this position and are perfectly capable of willing to take charge. They will not tolerate being half in charge. e.g. They will let the Persuader take over and watch where their wise advice is ignored (and say to themselves "I told you so"). They could not care about criticism but you would be wise never to blame an Enhancer, nor start a conflict, in a situation when it was clearly not their fault. As long as they are helping people learn and helping better their own minds, they are will pleased to be in charge. This supports the notion that they are better in charge of a team compared with being on one, especially if the leader of their team is mediocre or worse. Did someone say KFC, err, Practitioner?
Black and White Knight Narcissists
The Black Knight Narcissist is evil in nature, influence, or effect. They get their narcissistic supplies from sadistically setting out to demolish other people’s self-esteem and pleasure in life.
The White Knight Narcissist likes to be seen as a good person. They get their narcissistic
supplies by doing helpful, generous and kind things for other people.
This means that they still:
Have shaky self-esteem; Lack whole object relations and object constancy — they cannot see themselves
or other people in a stable, integrated and realistic way as simultaneously having both liked and
disliked traits; Are extremely self-centered; Lack emotional empathy and cannot feel other people’s
joy or sadness nor care deeply about anyone else’s feelings; Are preoccupied with their place in
whatever status hierarchy matters to them; Want to be seen as special; Devalue other people when it
Key observable characteristics of a White Knight Narcissist includes: They want you to think they are good people; They will do favours for other people that make them look good; If they are wealthy, they are likely to be philanthropists who give away large sums of money to causes that they support as long as they get public recognition for doing so. Some, however, are “the good neighbour narcissists.” They will offer to pick up groceries for sick neighbours or help someone to put up their window screens or do some other chore. Helping people makes them feel important and enhances their self-esteem.
In a relationship, one might think that they have hit the jackpot and are with someone who is genuinely kind and caring. They may have met at a charity event or as volunteers in a meals on wheels kitchen. But over time, they see less and less of the White Knight Narcissist's good side. Intimacy subsides. All the good deeds always seem to be done for someone else at their expense. In some cases, the White Knight Narcissist may take off the mask of “do-gooder” at home. After a while, their behaviour may become just as devaluing and hurtful to their spouse as any other type of Narcissist.
Who has not seen a White Knight Narcissist in the office? You might think that they would be loved by their staff, but that is usually not the case. Take someone who works for a charity. They were in therapy to find ways to handle a narcissistic boss. The boss was described as a public hero and a private tyrant. As the face of the charity, the boss was portrayed in the media as a fighter for the rights of the downtrodden. Those who worked for him saw his other side. He devalued his colleagues and everyone who worked for him was afraid of incurring his wrath. He had a bad temper and thought nothing of publicly humiliating anyone people who displeased him. In reality, he was more horror than hero, despite his public persona as a good guy. White Knight Narcissists get their narcissistic supplies from doing good deeds and being seen as great human beings. The reality is that doing good deeds is just another way for them to seize the spotlight and shore up their shaky self-esteem. It might be okay to tolerate the benefits from your friendly White Knight Narcissists’ need to be seen as special. That is preferable than them actively wanting to harm other people.
What are some telltale signs that a narcissist is starving for a bit of narcissistic supply?
The biggest tell-tale sign that a narcissist is starving for a bit of narcissistic supply is
when they have drastically increased the momentum of ‘testing the waters’ with just about
everyone and anyone, trying to see who might take the bait to do the following:
♦ Share in a bit of drama;
♦ Show themselves to be impressed by the narcissist, for whatever reason;
♦ Show themselves to pity the narcissist, for whatever reason;
♦ Be willing to give the narcissist lots of attention, for whatever reason;
♦ Potentially become good short or long term supply.
The narcissist will feel more on edge when supply is low, feeling more easily aggravated, annoyed, and irritated. They will be noticeably running low on energy and showing unstable moods.
The narcissist struggles to stay collected, when supply is low.
Treatment by the Narcissist
What are some telltale reactions that you can expect from the Narcissist?
Firstly, the narcissist hates to be confronted with the truth. They have spent so much of their time hiding
their identity that it is scathing to them when the real person is revealed.
Even if this truth comes in small portions, they cannot stand to face themselves. So, several things happen when you call them out. Understanding this beforehand can keep you safe and extremely well prepared.
♦ 1. Rage. When you call out someone with narcissistic personality disorder, expect rage. You do not even have to straight-up call them a narcissist, but you can say things like, “You’re a liar”, or “You gaslight people” and this can make them angry.
If you confront them about proof of something that they are hiding, they will also rage, maybe in the form of a tantrum and they will turn everything around on you. People who have this disorder do not like to see the truth of their negative behaviour, so they get angry in response or use anger to throw you off track. Some of them can be violent; you have been warned.
♦ 2. Gaslighting. Narcissists are well known to use gaslighting when you confront them about their actions or toxic words. If you Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you look crazy, or twist facts in their favour and against you. For example, if you remind a narcissist of something heinous that they did to hurt you, they will say, “What? I never did anything like that. I think you’re imagining things.”
Gaslighting is a way for the narcissist to invade your thoughts and attempt to make you confused. If you call them out, they will use this for sure.
♦ 3. Reverse accusations. If you tell a narcissist that you know what they are, they will call YOU the narcissist. Most people have access to the Internet and the narcissist, believe it or not, reads about themselves.
They know the characteristics of someone with narcissistic personality disorder, so if you call them what they are, they will say you possess the traits of this disorder and so YOU must be the real narcissist.
While you may have some of the symptoms of narcissism, as we are all located somewhere on the narcissistic spectrum, you may not have a disorder like they do; probably not. But you have to watch out!
If you call them out, they will try to do the same thing in defence. When you call a narcissist out, they love to say things such as “You think you’re a saint.” This is because it is unbearable for them to accept they are not perfect themselves, so they lash out.
♦ 4. Blame shifting. When you call out a narcissistic person, they are prone to immediately find something or someone to blame. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions and, if they act badly, it must be someone else’s fault. They may say things such as “I wouldn’t have cheated on you if you were intimate more often.” Yes, they really do this. Or “I wouldn’t have been late for work if you hadn’t made me so mad that I couldn’t sleep.”
Nothing and absolutely nothing is ever their fault, no matter how obvious it is and, if you bring out proof, then here comes the rage.
♦ 5. Silent treatment. A covert narcissist is prone to use the silent treatment when confronted. Maybe they will get angry first, deny things, or use blame-shifting but, when they see these do not work, they will go silent. This could last for hours, days, or even longer. It is uncomfortable for some people when the narcissist does this. Oxor has a fantastic example of a Promoter who has got to this stage.
Sometimes innocent people will apologize when they have actually done nothing wrong just to get the narcissist to talk to them again. You must be strong and expect the above reactions when you confront the objectionable narcissist.
♦ 6. After you have been discarded. a) After a discard, they view the relationship as a failure, but they can be in no way responsible for it. That would threaten their sense of worth. So you must be worthless yourself, or at the least, the relationship failing must be your fault. They want this to be “true” long after the discard.
b) How they look to others will cause you to likely be made out to be the bad guy to any mutual friends or really anyone in your social circle.
c) They do not want to be exposed in anyway so they will keep tabs on you lest you expose their toxic reputation.
d) They want to monitor if you can be of further use and further keep tabs on you.
e) They must beat you as they have a pathological need to win a game that no one else is playing.
f) You are the cause of their suffering as they never want to accept responsibility.
♦ 7. Do you really want to go through all this? Probably not. But sometimes contact is inevitable. Many people feel frustrated. Unlike others, confronting someone with this disorder seems like a fruitless endeavour. If you think, however, that you can get through to someone you love that has this disorder, then try. People do have the ability to improve and change, even when it seems impossible. It is about having hope. If a relationship with a narcissist is damaging your health, either physically or mentally, then leave them alone. Calling out a narcissist is not for everyone and not everyone with this disorder can change. That’s the saddest part.
If you call out a narcissistic person, be prepared to endure one or more of the above reactions. The Investigator and the Enhancer are pretty likely to 'door slam' the narcissist if they can. That relegates the narcissist to a non-person who never existed. Elizabeth Hunter™ has done this with great effect.
Tricks to deflate the Narcissist
What are some tricks to employ to deflate the Narcissist?
Let us know how you go.
♦ 1. Being ignored. When someone who they consider a high-level attention provision source ignores them.
♦ 2. Others getting attention. When they observe others getting attention — which the deflated narcissists really deserve!
♦ 3. Not liking subjects. When they are stuck listening to someone else going on and on and on…..about something boring which does not involve them.
♦ 4. When attention seeking. When someone interrupts them when they are in hot pursuit of an attention provision source.
♦ 5. Being disrespected. When they feel they are being disrespected by low grade people, as classified by the Narcissist, who 'should know better'!
Questions the Narcissist cannot answer
Take heed of this.
Let us know how you go.
There are things the Narcissist cannot do.
♦ A Narcissist cannot do anything but wake up each and every day thinking: 'How do I keep alive my self image of a manipulative, mind bending, sorcerous, invincible person?' When they are actually toxic.