Composed by Modern Maven Elizabeth Hunter™ from decades of observation and investigation of Fabricated Reality™.
Latest update October 4, 2021.
Situation - You now know what to expect as the pattern you are observing is being a narcissist or become domineering, mainly in a management sense, but not exclusively.
Observe - Fabricated Reality™ - fact free, never wrong etc.
Click to go to each Pattern
- 1. Director - ESTJ
- 2. Developer - ENTJ
- 3. Results - ESTP
- 4. Inspirational - INTP
- 5. Persuader - ENFJ
- 6. Appraiser - ESFJ
- 7. Promoter - ENFP
- 8. Counselor - ESFP
- 9. Specialist - ISFP
- 10. Investigator - INFJ
- 11. Agent - INFP
- 12. Achiever - ISTP
- 13. Practitioner - ISFJ
- 14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ
- 15. Perfectionist - INTP
- 16. Enhancer - INTJ
- How to Spot your Narcissist
- Black and White Knight Narcissists
- Narcissistic Supply
- Treatment by the Narcissist
- Tricks to deflate the Narcissist
- Questions the Narcissist cannot answer
- A day in the life of a Narcissist
- Watch the Narcissist make the same misteaks
- What if the Narcissist got all they want
- When the Narcissist has met their match
- How to drive the Narcissist crazy
1. Director - ESTJ
The Director, together with the Developer, are known for their bluntness, business acumen and ability to lead. As narcissists, however, their leadership would become a dictatorship. They would micromanage people and overpower them – not for the purpose of organisational efficiency, but for the purpose of feeling superior.
The Director is focussed and intense and can sometimes be a bit domineering. They have a hard time taking a backseat to others and are best suited as leaders. They can become frustrated with inefficiency, so they desire to ensure that everyone does things correctly. They can be a bit hard on others when they are trying to get tasks finished properly, simply because they know how they want things done. They prefer to take charge to ensure that everyone is following orders and working their best. Their natural personalities are certainly dominant and are less likely to submit to someone else’s demands.
2. Developer - ENTJ
The Developer, together with the Director are known for their bluntness, business acumen and ability to lead. As narcissists, however, their leadership would become a dictatorship. They would micromanage people and overpower them – not for the purpose of organisational efficiency, but for the purpose of feeling superior.
The Developer is a natural leader and are more than capable of taking charge of a situation. They do have somewhat a domineering personality as they enjoy being able to take control. They do not intend to appear arrogant with their leadership, but sometimes their take charge attitude can be a bit intense / bullying. They are naturally dominant people though and do best when they are capable of monitoring how things are being done. They value efficiency above everything else and want to ensure that everything is being done properly.
3. Results - ESTP
The Results, together with the Inspirational, are natural-born devil’s advocates so, as narcissists, this trait would be exaggerated in their ability to provoke and demean others. They would argue in favour of horrific crimes or blatant inequalities just to make the people they are debating with angry and / or upset. They would be hypercritical and abrasive, as well as emotionally abusive. Their cruel bluntness would be disguised as, "That’s just the way I am."
The Results is outgoing and friendly who enjoys living in the present moment. They do have times where they can seem a bit domineering, especially when they are trying to inform someone. They remember a lot of facts and information and can become frustrated with ignorant people. They simply want to inform them and help them learn, but when someone is not receptive the Results can appear a bit aggressive and pushy. They do have somewhat dominant personalities, but can be submissive towards certain loved ones.
4. Inspirational - ENTP
The Inspirational, together with the Results, are natural-born devil’s advocates so, as narcissists, this trait would be exaggerated in their ability to provoke and demean others. They would argue in favour of horrific crimes or blatant inequalities just to make the people they are debating with angry and / or upset. They would be hypercritical and abrasive, as well as emotionally abusive. Their cruel bluntness would be disguised as, "That’s just the way I am."
The Inspirational is generally not domineering and prefers to just do their own thing. They are independent and intelligent who believe in diving into what life has to offer. They enjoy taking on new challenges and absolutely love seeking out the many possibilities around them. They can certainly take charge if they have to, and might become a bit aggressive when someone is not paying attention to something important. When the Inspirational values something they want to be sure that other people do not step on or disrespect that. For the most part they prefer to have their own space and do not want to invade the space of others.
5. Persuader - ENFJ
The Persuader is a natural born influencer and ‘teacher’ that would demand that their ‘students’ worship them. As narcissists, they may become predatory and cross boundaries with those they are ‘educating.’
The Persuader enjoys making people happy and does not want to upset or harm people. Although they are tender and loving people, they do have domineering tendencies. When it comes to getting things done, they are not afraid of taking charge in order to make sure things actually happen the right way. They are not likely to push people around in an upsetting way, since they are actually great at motivating people naturally. Their charismatic and friendly personalities really help them keep a leadership role without causing any discord. They are capable of being rather dominant people, but they do it without trying to upset people although they have a tendency to interfere which can grate, sometimes massively, on other patterns.
6. Appraiser - ESFJ
The Appraiser would create enmeshed relationships and have no problem violating the boundaries of others. When healthy, they are empathic and giving. But as narcissists, they would ‘give’ only to get back. They may give the bare minimum to people and forcefully demand the maximum in return.
The Appraiser is generally not domineering as they prefer to keep the peace. They do not want to be seen as pushy, but they do have the occasionally bossy tendencies. They simply want to get things done and have some high-strung parts to their personality. They enjoy doing everything they can to take care of their loved ones and focus mainly on tending to their needs. They are loving people and generally do not like being too aggressive towards others.
7. Promoter - ENFP
The Promoter when in narcissist mode would always be seeking validation and attention from others. These would probably be the more ‘vulnerable’ narcissists compared to the other patterns, using their relationships with others to hide their core sense of shame.
The Promoter is definitely strong-willed who has a somewhat domineering side. In most cases, the Promoter would rather go with the flow and enjoy life as it comes at them. They do not want to be seen as too pushy, since they prefer to remain positive. They do have times where they realise they need to take charge of the situation and can be rather intimidating and obnoxious when this happens. They are usually capable of being dominant without upsetting people too much, since they are charismatic and likable people on the surface. But they can rank as the most obnoxious Click Here. You have been warned.
8. Counselor - ESFP
The Counselor is the party animal who tends to be the life of the party. As a narcissist, they would create harems of adoring fans that cater to their every need and ‘get off’ on all of the attention they are receiving. They love to be the centre of attention and would be perpetual spotlight-hoggers. They are also very into aesthetics, so they may present as a more ‘somatic’ narcissist – someone overly obsessed with their looks and appearance.
The Counselor is usually light-hearted and carefree who enjoys living in the present moment. They do not want to appear domineering and prefer being able to be positive. They just want to have fun and do not want to have other people forcing them to be more grounded. They can become frustrated with controlling or domineering people and are not afraid to challenge them. They do not want to be tamed or controlled since they prefer to live their lives their own way.
9. Specialist - ISFP
The Specialist, together with the Achiever, are gentle as non-narcissists but, as narcissists, would present as a pessimistic a person who hates or distrusts humankind. They would be the ones constantly griping about how unfair the world is, how they are always the victim and how they never get their fair share. They would work to underhandedly sabotage anyone who has what they covet.
The Specialist is certainly not domineering and prefers to live a much more carefree lifestyle. They enjoy living in the present moment and simply want to absorb the beauty in the world around them. They enjoy following their heart and simply want to feel free to do so. They are not pushy or controlling; they simply want to live their own lives in harmony. They want people to give them space to be themselves and, at the same time, the Specialist does not want to try and control others. This is why they are terrible leaders.
10. Investigator - INFJ
The Investigator, together with the Agent, as a narcissist would abuse their power as the change maker and would be ‘covert’ narcissists – a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They would take their perfectionism and ability to cut off relationships to the extreme by frequently abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, text messages, etc. and criticizing them to the nth degree. Rather than using their platforms to help support the populations they serve, they might attempt to use them to feed their grandiosity.
The Investigator is definitely not domineering especially when it comes to social settings. They do not want to be too pushy and prefer to give people their space. They want to let people be themselves, without feeling intimated by someone else. They do not want to ever make someone feel small, so they are comfortable taking a step back. They do not like to take charge, since the Investigator is usually inside of their own inner minds running through many different ideas. They can become a bit aggressive and dominating if someone else is attempting to push someone around. They are not afraid of taking charge when required, they simply prefer not to live their lives that way.
11. Agent - INFP
The Agent, together with the Investigator, as a narcissist would abuse their power as the change maker and would be ‘covert’ narcissists – a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They would take their perfectionism and ability to cut off relationships to the extreme by frequently abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, text messages, etc. and criticizing them to the nth degree. Rather than using their platforms to help support the populations they serve, they might attempt to use them to feed their grandiosity.
The Agent is very internal and gentle who prefers to keep to themselves most of the time. They are usually not domineering people and enjoy letting others do their own thing. They do not want to be viewed as controlling or pushy and would much rather take a step back. They are terrible leaders as they do not like the feeling of taking charge of other people. They do not want to be seen as intimidating, although they can become that way if necessary. Ultimately they prefer to keep to themselves, making them very introspective and private people.
12. Achiever - ISTP
The Achiever, together with the Specialist, are gentle as non-narcissists but, as narcissists, would present as a pessimistic a person who hates or distrusts humankind. They would be the ones constantly griping about how unfair the world is, how they are always the victim and how they never get their fair share. They would work to underhandedly sabotage anyone who has what they covet.
The Achiever is certainly not a domineering person and prefers to keep their space from others. They enjoy having a sense of independence and certainly do not want too push other people around. They would much rather allow people to do their own thing, without putting any kind of pressure on them. They mind their own business most of the time and are logical and analytical people. They are precise people who enjoy learning information and analyzing it on their own. They do sometimes enjoy information people, but they will no waste their time if they are not receptive to it.
13. Practitioner - ISFJ
The Practitioner is generous to a fault as a non-narcissist. However, as a narcissist, they would present as the quintessential covert, shy and introverted helper with a hidden entitled streak. Although they will appear humble at the onset, make no mistake, they will be taking note of everything they do for you and at any time they feel they are not getting the attention or appreciation they deserve they will lash out. This can be in a terrifying display of narcissistic rage or passive-aggressive behaviour if they do not get what they want.
The Practitioner is definitely not domineering and, in many cases, are more submissive than most. They want to make other people happy and truly hate any kind of discord or conflict. They would rather keep the peace and work hard to maintain a sense of harmony in their environment. In a conflict situation, such as in a meeting they will be come passive-aggressive. They are the masters of this. More on this in Obnoxiousness Explorer™. They do not want to see people feeling uncomfortable in their presence and would rather be liked by their community. They are kind and loving people who are constantly tending to the needs of others. They are not afraid of letting someone else take charge of a situation, but can become aggravated with people who have an arrogant attitude.
14. Objective Thinker - ISTJ
The OT, as a narcissist would stonewall their partners, shutting down arguments even before they have had a chance to begin. They would be extremely traditional in the way they view things and use moralistic thinking to control others, all while engaging in hypocritical behaviour behind closed doors. In the realm of work, they would gravitate towards careers in power – such as that of law enforcement – just to abuse their power and get away with it.
The OT is hardworking and focussed who prefers to keep to them self. Most of the time, they just want to have their own space to get done what needs too be done. They do not want to be pushed around by people, but they also have no desire to be bossy towards others. They much prefer to have independence and space to get their work done and improve themselves. There may be moments where they can be a tad domineering, especially when they feel like people are not taking things seriously. They simply value work ethic and morals and become frustrated if people are too flighty and inconsiderate.
15. Perfectionist - INTP
The Perfectionist, together with the Enhancer, as a narcissist would take their rational side way too far. They would be the epitome of what we call the “cerebral narcissist,” using twisted logic to rationalize any mess or situation they have created. They would be prone to dehumanising others all in the name of reason. Their logical side would be so overblown that they would fail to have any empathy for victims of unfortunate circumstances or crimes – including the crimes they themselves committed.
The Perfectionist is generally not domineering as they prefer to take a less aggressive approach. They want to make the proper information known, since they crave precision. They simply do not want to be overly domineering in order to express the facts and educate people. They can be a bit intense to other people, but that is simply their natural personality mostly because of such a rich and active inner mind. They can have moments where their desire to be accurate can cause them to become somewhat domineering and forward in a situation. One just has to look at Australian Chief Medical Officer Prof. Brendan Murphy's attitude in the COVID-19 situation where he suddenly has huge public power after 40 years of absolutely none. He appears to be a schoolmaster, with a Catholic name, who is angry that his instructions are being ignored. At the press conference, he treats the adult public as children - 'If this continues, you will be punished'. In most cases though, the Perfectionist prefers to take a step back and simply observe things from a distance as they are terrible leaders and do not want to lead anyway.
16. Enhancer - INTJ
The Enhancer, together with the Perfectionist, as a narcissist would take their rational side way too far. They would be the epitome of what we call the “cerebral narcissist,” using twisted logic to rationalize any mess or situation they have created. They would be prone to dehumanising others all in the name of reason. Their logical side would be so overblown that they would fail to have any empathy for victims of unfortunate circumstances or crimes – including the crimes they themselves committed.
The Enhancer is independent and strong likes to do things their own way. When it comes to getting things done, they actually can be a bit (a lot) domineering. They do not try to be intimidating, but sometimes their natural intelligence and desire for accuracy can be a bit intense for people. They know how to take charge when it is necessary and can be rather dominant people. They are not afraid of being in this position and are perfectly capable of willing to take charge. They will not tolerate being half in charge. e.g. They will let the Persuader take over and watch where their wise advice is ignored (and say to themselves "I told you so"). They could not care about criticism but you would be wise never to blame an Enhancer, nor start a conflict, in a situation when it was clearly not their fault. As long as they are helping people learn and helping better their own minds, they are will pleased to be in charge. This supports the notion that they are better in charge of a team compared with being on one, especially if the leader of their team is mediocre or worse. Did someone say KFC, err, Practitioner?
How to Spot your Narcissist
↝ Overview: Observe instances that indicate primarily signs of fakeness. There is never anything authentic. All is said and done to impress others. But deep within lies loads of envy, hatred, division, chaos and greed.
↝ 1. They will be highly manipulative. They will use you to achieve their goals by playing with your emotions. You may initially not know this. You are now aware, thanks to Oxor™.
↝ 2. They will be very sensitive to their physical appearance. They are obsessed with how they look and how people see them. This is easy to observe.
↝ 3. They will be overly sensitive to criticism. Their rage can escalate quickly if they are criticized. This is easy to observe.
↝ 4. They will place the blame on others. They are never to blame for anything. They will not take responsibility. It is always someone else's fault. This is easy to observe in a business setting. Also, any personal issue is all about them and nothing to do with love or a relationship - this is a huge sign.
↝ 5. They will be vindictive. If you do not play by their rules, they will have a desire to destroy you. This is easy to observe. Stand up to them, but always use facts. They do not like facts.
↝ 6. They will be take control. Control is their thing and they like having to have other people and things under their control. Watch out for this. They can be belligerent, obnoxious and refuse to take instructions, even from their superiors. Sometimes, the only option is that they work at another company - ideally your most loathed competitor.
↝ 7. They will seek validation. Deep down they are extremely insecure. Will talk down about others, will constantly asks you questions. If you ask them anything personal they tell you nothing. They engage in fact free gossip. They have all or nothing kind of thinking (one side is evil, the other is all good). They see themselves as charismatic. This lack of security is handy to know so reassurance is a good strategy at times.
↝ 8. They will be have fear as their dominant emotion. They will be scared that they will be abandoned, ashamed or exposed for what they are. The will do everything to prevent this being exposed by the management.
↝ 9. They will be feel no empathy. They have no ability to assess the consequences of their actions on others. This is a management challenge if you are their boss.
↝ 10. They will want to surround themselves with attractive and successful people. This will boost their self-confidence. This is easy to observe. But it is insincere.
↝ 11. They will put their value in things of little value, in trinkets and trash, things of a transient nature, things that are fake, fraudulent, cheap, tacky, ugly, useless, counter-productive and broken.
↝ 12. They put their value in the behaviour of people of the lowest character, morals, honesty and integrity. Their placing of value in themselves is in line with their value system, as they themselves are fake, fraudulent, lacking in character, morals, honesty and integrity. Their value system is a reflection of themselves.
↝ 13. They have a tendency to hoard. They guard massive collections of dirty, ruined, broken, useless trash and unidentifiable objects with their life. They might chop vegetables directly on the cherry wood dining table.
↝ 13. May cheat with less than desirable partners. Less attractive, intelligent, loving, fun, funny, talented, educated, honest, moral, trustworthy, good-hearted, wise. May value prostitutes and collect videos, alphabetized by name.
↝ Conclusion. They will present as being toxic on steroids. This is unfortunate. The most important thing to keep in mind is that if the other person feels off to you, then they are off. If you think that there is something wrong with this person there is something wrong. If your gut thinks that they are a narcissist they are a narcissist. If you already know the answer, that is your answer!! Use of your inner voice (gut feelings) as your guide instead of your intellect is a good move as it is never wrong. Toxicity is easy to observe. And is the challenge. Descriptions also include cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing and demanding.
Black and White Knight Narcissists
The Black Knight Narcissist is evil in nature, influence, or effect. They get their narcissistic supplies from sadistically setting out to demolish other people’s self-esteem and pleasure in life.
The White Knight Narcissist likes to be seen as a good person. They get their narcissistic
supplies by doing helpful, generous and kind things for other people.
This means that they still:
Have shaky self-esteem; Lack whole object relations and object constancy — they cannot see themselves
or other people in a stable, integrated and realistic way as simultaneously having both liked and
disliked traits; Are extremely self-centered; Lack emotional empathy and cannot feel other people’s
joy or sadness nor care deeply about anyone else’s feelings; Are preoccupied with their place in
whatever status hierarchy matters to them; Want to be seen as special; Devalue other people when it
Key observable characteristics of a White Knight Narcissist includes: They want you to think they are good people; They will do favours for other people that make them look good; If they are wealthy, they are likely to be philanthropists who give away large sums of money to causes that they support as long as they get public recognition for doing so. Some, however, are “the good neighbour narcissists.” They will offer to pick up groceries for sick neighbours or help someone to put up their window screens or do some other chore. Helping people makes them feel important and enhances their self-esteem.
In a relationship, one might think that they have hit the jackpot and are with someone who is genuinely kind and caring. They may have met at a charity event or as volunteers in a meals on wheels kitchen. But over time, they see less and less of the White Knight Narcissist's good side. Intimacy subsides. All the good deeds always seem to be done for someone else at their expense. In some cases, the White Knight Narcissist may take off the mask of “do-gooder” at home. After a while, their behaviour may become just as devaluing and hurtful to their spouse as any other type of Narcissist.
Who has not seen a White Knight Narcissist in the office? You might think that they would be loved by their staff, but that is usually not the case. Take someone who works for a charity. They were in therapy to find ways to handle a narcissistic boss. The boss was described as a public hero and a private tyrant. As the face of the charity, the boss was portrayed in the media as a fighter for the rights of the downtrodden. Those who worked for him saw his other side. He devalued his colleagues and everyone who worked for him was afraid of incurring his wrath. He had a bad temper and thought nothing of publicly humiliating anyone people who displeased him. In reality, he was more horror than hero, despite his public persona as a good guy. White Knight Narcissists get their narcissistic supplies from doing good deeds and being seen as great human beings. The reality is that doing good deeds is just another way for them to seize the spotlight and shore up their shaky self-esteem. It might be okay to tolerate the benefits from your friendly White Knight Narcissists’ need to be seen as special. That is preferable than them actively wanting to harm other people.
What are some telltale signs that a narcissist is starving for a bit of narcissistic supply?
The biggest tell-tale sign that a narcissist is starving for a bit of narcissistic supply is
when they have drastically increased the momentum of ‘testing the waters’ with just about
everyone and anyone, trying to see who might take the bait to do the following:
♦ Share in a bit of drama;
♦ Show themselves to be impressed by the narcissist, for whatever reason;
♦ Show themselves to pity the narcissist, for whatever reason;
♦ Be willing to give the narcissist lots of attention, for whatever reason;
♦ Potentially become good short or long term supply.
The narcissist will feel more on edge when supply is low, feeling more easily aggravated, annoyed, and irritated. They will be noticeably running low on energy and showing unstable moods.
The narcissist struggles to stay collected, when supply is low.
Treatment by the Narcissist
What are some telltale reactions that you can expect from the Narcissist?
Firstly, the narcissist hates to be confronted with the truth. They have spent so much of their time hiding
their identity that it is scathing to them when the real person is revealed.
Even if this truth comes in small portions, they cannot stand to face themselves. So, several things happen when you call them out. Understanding this beforehand can keep you safe and extremely well prepared. Watch out for childish, petty and selfish behaviour.
♦ 1. Rage. When you call out someone with narcissistic personality disorder, expect rage. You do not even have to straight-up call them a narcissist, but you can say things like, “You’re a liar”, or “You gaslight people” and this can make them angry.
If you confront them about proof of something that they are hiding, they will also rage, maybe in the form of a tantrum and they will turn everything around on you. People who have this disorder do not like to see the truth of their negative behaviour, so they get angry in response or use anger to throw you off track. Some of them can be violent; you have been warned.
♦ 2. Gaslighting. Narcissists are well known to use gaslighting when you confront them about their actions or toxic words. If you Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you look crazy, or twist facts in their favour and against you. For example, if you remind a narcissist of something heinous that they did to hurt you, they will say, “What? I never did anything like that. I think you’re imagining things.”
Gaslighting is a way for the narcissist to invade your thoughts and attempt to make you confused. If you call them out, they will use this for sure.
♦ 3. Reverse accusations. If you tell a narcissist that you know what they are, they will call YOU the narcissist. Most people have access to the Internet and the narcissist, believe it or not, reads about themselves.
They know the characteristics of someone with narcissistic personality disorder, so if you call them what they are, they will say you possess the traits of this disorder and so YOU must be the real narcissist.
While you may have some of the symptoms of narcissism, as we are all located somewhere on the narcissistic spectrum, you may not have a disorder like they do; probably not. But you have to watch out!
If you call them out, they will try to do the same thing in defence. When you call a narcissist out, they love to say things such as “You think you’re a saint.” This is because it is unbearable for them to accept they are not perfect themselves, so they lash out.
♦ 4. Blame shifting. When you call out a narcissistic person, they are prone to immediately find something or someone to blame. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions and, if they act badly, it must be someone else’s fault. They may say things such as “I wouldn’t have cheated on you if you were intimate more often.” Yes, they really do this. Or “I wouldn’t have been late for work if you hadn’t made me so mad that I couldn’t sleep.”
Nothing and absolutely nothing is ever their fault, no matter how obvious it is and, if you bring out proof, then here comes the rage.
♦ 5. Silent treatment. A covert narcissist is prone to use the silent treatment when confronted. Maybe they will get angry first, deny things, or use blame-shifting but, when they see these do not work, they will go silent. This could last for hours, days, or even longer. It is uncomfortable for some people when the narcissist does this. Oxor has a fantastic example of a Promoter who has got to this stage.
Sometimes innocent people will apologize when they have actually done nothing wrong just to get the narcissist to talk to them again. You must be strong and expect the above reactions when you confront the objectionable narcissist.
♦ 6. After you have been discarded. a) After a discard, they view the relationship as a failure, but they can be in no way responsible for it. That would threaten their sense of worth. So you must be worthless yourself, or at the least, the relationship failing must be your fault. They want this to be “true” long after the discard.
b) How they look to others will cause you to likely be made out to be the bad guy to any mutual friends or really anyone in your social circle.
c) They do not want to be exposed in anyway so they will keep tabs on you lest you expose their toxic reputation.
d) They want to monitor if you can be of further use and further keep tabs on you.
e) They must beat you as they have a pathological need to win a game that no one else is playing.
f) You are the cause of their suffering as they never want to accept responsibility.
♦ 7. Do you really want to go through all this? Probably not. But sometimes contact is inevitable. Many people feel frustrated. Unlike others, confronting someone with this disorder seems like a fruitless endeavour. If you think, however, that you can get through to someone you love that has this disorder, then try. People do have the ability to improve and change, even when it seems impossible. It is about having hope. If a relationship with a narcissist is damaging your health, either physically or mentally, then leave them alone. Calling out a narcissist is not for everyone and not everyone with this disorder can change. That’s the saddest part.
If you call out a narcissistic person, be prepared to endure one or more of the above reactions. The Investigator and the Enhancer are pretty likely to 'door slam' the narcissist if they can. That relegates the narcissist to a non-person who never existed. Elizabeth Hunter™ has done this with great effect.
Tricks to deflate the Narcissist
What are some tricks to employ to deflate the Narcissist?
Let us know how you go.
♦ 1. Being ignored. When someone who they consider a high-level attention provision source ignores them.
♦ 2. Others getting attention. When they observe others getting attention — which the deflated narcissists really deserve!
♦ 3. Not liking subjects. When they are stuck listening to someone else going on and on and on…..about something boring which does not involve them.
♦ 4. When attention seeking. When someone interrupts them when they are in hot pursuit of an attention provision source.
♦ 5. Being disrespected. When they feel they are being disrespected by low grade people, as classified by the Narcissist, who 'should know better'!
What must you never disclose to a malignant or standard narcissist.
♦ 1. Do not disclose anything to any narcissist, malignant or otherwise! If you tell them something good about your life, yourself, your family, achievements or acquisitions, they will become extremely jealous and begin a campaign to undermine and diminish you.
♦ 2. Some of what they say and do will be behind your back and some will be overt. If you reveal a disappointment, setback, a worry, a problem, they will catastrophize your situation to others to make you look pathetic, a loser, a train wreck and a fool.
♦ 3. Of course it will be your own fault for not handling your situation competently. They will spread your private information far and wide, enjoying the attention while diminishing you publicly. They will have nothing to offer you in terms of support. In fact, they will exacerbate the situation and make you feel worse!
♦ 4. Anything you reveal to a narcissist will give them insight into what is important to you and what bothers you. They will use all of it to disturb your life and emotional equilib1rium. If you tell them about something you like or just got, they will get the same thing, only bigger and better! They will eclipse you every chance they get.
♦ 5. You now know their modus operandi (thanks Oxor™), their plan of attack, their systematic game against you and others. Should you reveal you have cracked the Enigma Code, that you are on to them?
The short answer is NO! Do not let them know.
Instead, avoid them where you can, let them get away with small inconveniences against and, where it matters most to you, leverage all your knowledge and understanding against them. Do this so that any material attack against you, backfires tremendously on them. They will not really process that you are on to them, but will feel quite confused. They will see you as a danger zone, even though they do not understand why. And they will not mess with you.
Questions the Narcissist 'cannot answer'
Take heed of this.
Let us know how you go.
Skilled liars, they can actually answer any question you give them.
Ask them: “Do you love yourself?”. A true narcissist is not able to process introspection. Everything for them comes from the outside. How do I look in this dress? My boss thinks I’m the bomb. I am so much better than the rest of you.
There are things the Narcissist cannot do.
♦ A Narcissist cannot do anything but wake up each and every day thinking: 'How do I keep alive my self image of a manipulative, mind bending, sorcerous, (supernatural power or the ability to use supernatural powers (witchcraft or magic) and invincible person?' When they are actually toxic.
A day in the life of a Narcissist
A typical day for the narcissist goes like this:
Maxi Characteristics - easy to observe:
♦ 1. They do not like arguments although can be the cause of them!
They get angry easily because some of your points will hurt their ego.
♦ 2. Anytime they lie, they do not like people digging deep in order to reveal the truth -
facts and data. They can be aggressive and passive-aggressive.
♦ 3. Hate people that cannot put them first.
♦ 4. Hate to be ignored! You must always put them at the centre of everything by giving
them constant attention.
♦ 5. Hate people who think that cheating is abnormal. They enjoy cheating on people and
they do not want you to judge them.
♦ 6. Hate it when you report your ordeal to a third party. By doing so means you spoiling
their reputation and unmasking them.
♦ 7. Hate other people’s positive traits. Hence, they always try to steal joy away from other people.
♦ 8.They can be observed as the complete bastard.
Other Characteristics - not as easy to observe:
♦ Shame about their past actions;
♦ Trying to remember all the lies they have told (watch out for this);
♦ Conniving and updating hatred strategies;
♦ Slow payers. They are cheap bastards. Watch to see how slowly they will 'try' to pay;
♦ Blame others for everything. Cheating, money, problems, illnesses;
♦ Jealous of everyone more successful than they are;
♦ Living in fear of being exposed;
♦ Living in fear of the revenge by one of their victims;
♦ Living with an ongoing belief that they are truly special, unique, grand, well-respected,
powerful and, at times, omnipotent or feared;
♦ Living with paranoia. The inability to trust others; sometimes even those closest to them;
♦ Live with a delusion of grandiosity but also live a delusion of persecution. Someone
is always out to get them. But who? Is everyone in on it? It seems so...;
♦ While playing the victim, never takes responsibility;
♦ Realize that they give people plenty of reasons to want to go out and get them. Perhaps the delusions of persecution / paranoia are real?
♦ Never have peace of mind; always on edge. Are oblivious to the feeling of tranquility.
It takes very little to cause a collapse. This is termed Poxic™, an Oxor™ concept when someone
becomes both petulant and toxic;
♦ Seem to have smarts, the Promoter ranks 7 of the 16 patterns as an example, even though their
strategies are all about everything negative.
♦ A life full of frustration and believing that life has short changed them. Is it any wonder that they may become addicted to drugs or alcohol?
Watch the Narcissist make the same misteaks
A typical mistake pattern for the narcissist goes like this:
♦ Narcissists have repetitive behaviour which could be viewed as a mistake. However, it could and
often is deliberate and intentional.
♦ If one asks why doesn’t a narcissist learn from their failures, there is a huge danger of trying to
apply logic to the illogical. These people do not behave normally and they do cause serious harm.
♦ Oxor™ does not view them as normal and does not try and rationalise with irrational people. Their
behaviour is predetermined, predatory and pernicious.
♦ Some try to understand them, to help them change and grow and develop. That is a normal conscientious
frame of mind. However, do not assume they share the same mindset; observations says that they do not. They do
not have the same moral compass or ethics that another person might. Their intentions are selfish and malevolent.
♦ Never excuse their behaviour or try to get them to change as that will only draw you down ‘the rabbit hole’ even further. Often when we try harder and harder to understand them and turn ourselves inside out in the end it causes us more harm.
♦ A Jackson McKenzie quote: “You must protect yourself by remaining in reality and refusing to accept their fabricated reality. The moment you doubt yourself, apologize for things you didn't do, pretend you did the things they accused you of, compromise that you're both "equally as bad", or repeatedly worry that it might be your fault when someone mistreats you -- you have slipped into a false reality”.
♦ Some of the Oxor™ try to understand pathological predatory behaviour and protect yourself and those you
care about. If you care about a Narcissist then you are missing the point.
♦ If the cohort continue to want them to change and they do not really understand them they find themselves still in an hypnotic trance. You can love a Narcissist or understand them - but you cannot do both. For many, the cost of reaching such understanding comes at a great price. Oxor™ advice - door slam the Narcissist when you can or keep contact to a bare minimum, depending on the circumstances.
What if the Narcissist got all they wanted?
They will do
some or all of the following:
♦ The narcissist will understand that their manipulation tactics are paying off. They will be so proud of themselves, for their cunning mastermind (in their eyes);
♦ Then the narcissist will look at the victim and wonder how some people can be so stupid to fall for a bunch of lies, for surely the narcissist never would. The narcissist would not even fall for a bunch of truths;
♦ They will think to themselves, I wonder what it feels like to be a complying, oblivious fcuking clown. With a shiver running down their spine, they will quickly shake that thought off. Fcuking mortifying, they will conclude;
♦ Then a funny thought creeps in their head, hey, why don't I see how far I can take this ess, aitch, one tee? Haha, that would be an hilarious game;
♦ From then on, the narcissist will push the victim more and more, stretching their boundaries further and further, till the victim snaps! No boundaries left;
♦ Nothing the victim does will be good enough and everything the victim does will be critisized and ridiculed, while the narcissist is thoroughly enjoying the game. Watching the victim give more and more, try harder and harder;
♦ What a fcuking clown, the narcissist will think. Disgusting, zero self-respect. And dumb as fcuk, I would never do ess, aitch, one tee for anyone that treats me the way I do them;
♦ They will wonder when the victim finds out that they have 2 other people they are fcuking behind their back. They will think - 'What a fcuking joke, hahaha';
♦ Then the narcissist will look at the victim and say that they need to take out the garbage, "You are so disgusting, I always have to tell you to do that";
♦ The victim, worn down by the never ending race for approval, will look up at the narcissist, with the most saggy and dark bags under their eyes one has ever seen;
♦ The victim replies something like "Why are you so mad?', in a very soft spoken voice, one that is frail, about ready to quit;
♦ While muttering profanities, the narcissist will get up, yell that they are not about to argue again, walk out the door;
♦ And go and fcuk the next in line, the next victim waiting to give the narcissist everything they need and want;
♦ And that is what happens;
♦ Oxor™ advocates bursting the bubble, tell the narcissist that they are fact free, using examples if
♦ Only ever speak to the narcissist if absolutely and keep it to the minimum;
♦ Narcissists are insane. Even if they had an ultimate motive or outcome, it would
confuse and disgust you. Narcissists cannot be helped. They are a bottomless pit, into which
you can throw your entire life (and some people do) with no discernible difference to their
♦ Defeat comes to the narcissist when you have moved on (!);
♦ And thanked Oxor™ for their experienced advice!
When the Narcissist has met their match
You have won when
the narcissist realizes they are dealing with someone who:
♦ Understands the narcissist's every move and manoeuvre;
♦ Is equally or more manipulative, gaming and conniving;
♦ Lacks compassionate empathy and feels no guilt at watching someone suffer and experience
♦ And is intelligent, intuitive and calculating then this is what happens:
♦ The narcissist first tries to shake off their disbelief that they have come across
someone like them, potentially worse even (or better, depending on perspective).
♦ The narcissist likes to steer clear of those who have better refined manipulative
games than them because just the thought of facing their match is utterly exhausting.
♦ Narcissists like to interact with those which they consider to be good supply.
The easy, juicy, targets.
♦ When they come across someone who reminds them of themselves, they quickly realise
the person is bad supply.
♦ A narcissist is threatened, meaning you are on the way to winning, by well-adjusted
intelligent people who are mentally strong, confident, assertive and not easily manipulated or
intimidated by anyone in society.
♦ The winner is an individual who is open, emotionally stable, bold and self assuming.
Being always on the ball will be considered a threat to a narcissist’s supply of validation,
authority and social status.
♦ If you, the winner, are a person who is well educated, easy-going, confident, popular
and who has specific details about a covert narcissist in society that will expose them then you
are on their radar and considered a real threat.
♦ All narcissists are like school bullies who only target the weak-minded and vulnerable
people who cannot stand up for themselves.
♦ When the narcissist has met his match with you, at times you will need to put a
bit of hurt on the narcissist who is tangling with you by primarily by causing narcissistic injury
with your achievements. You need to do the 'grey rock method' which involves communicating in an
uninteresting way when interacting with abusive or
manipulative people - by actively boring your achievements to death. The name “grey rock” refers
to how those using this approach become unresponsive, similar to a rock. The technique may involve
avoiding interactions with the abusive person in a 'grey avalanche' process.
It is self defeating to make the narcissist your focus. When you understand narcissism, you will realize that someone can only manipulate with words is essentially helpless against a determined foe who does not like them. All that remains for the hapless manipulator is to pout and act in a passive aggressive or toxic manner. Look at the narcissist as as an ant at a picnic - brush it off and get on with it.
They are easy to destroy. Simple. All the rest is bulltish. The power they have is the power the society gave to them or the power you have given to them in name of fake love or you are just codependent and not in love. All their perception of 'me' is external. They do not know who they are. They are empty. Destroy that external fake 'me' and the game is over.
♦ Game, set, match. Thank you linesmen, thank you ball-boys.
How to drive the Narcissist crazy
You will have fun when
you do the following regarding the narcissist:
♦ When you are the hated one and you survive. You not only survive the hatred strategy,
but become happy again.
♦ When no matter what the narcissist does to trigger your anger, you remain collected and polite.
We (Oxor™) love it! It takes enormous self discipline. We calmly state they are fact free using facts!
♦ When we do not show emotions with them. No supply here for the monster is the real message.
♦ When we discard the narcissist but be careful as this is bound to create a narcissistic
injury and you can easily become the hated one. That does not matter as the narcissist is a non-person.
♦ When we do not take the calls of the narcissist.
♦ When we act unemotional with the narcissist.
♦ When we deal with the narcissist in a smart manner.
♦ When we show them that decency pays in life (if they bother to look).
♦ When the child (not the partner) of a narcissist calls out the crap out of the narcissist parent.
After all that torture, it will show the child has the spine to expose the parent for all the sick games.
♦ When a narcissist has to face authorities. Bulltish has not managed to get them past this one.
♦ When an alienated parent is reunited with the children!
♦ We advocate the idea to take positive action to drive all narcissists crazy. They must learn their lesson. Hating and destroying human beings is their life. Thanks Oxor™!