When someone wants to connect with the other person
it can be made easier by following the suggestions on this page.

Connect!

Connecting can be difficult, but we all have to do it.

Firstly, CHECK THE LEVELS BETWEEN YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PERSON!

It is best if both are on the same level. The further away the level, the worst it gets.

People who usually do not get along are usually from the polar-opposite levels - 1 up against 4; 4 up against 1.

Levels 2 and 3 tend to get along well and act as the bridge between the two polar (1 and 4) levels.

Level 1: Director, Results, Appraiser and Counselor.

Level 2: Specialist, Achiever, Practitioner and Objective Thinker.

Level 3: Developer, Inspirational, Persuader and Promoter.

Level 4: Investigator, Agent, Perfectionist, Enhancer.

Where are you today? Horizontal, Perpendicular or Level?

Conducted and composed by Modern Maven Elizabeth Hunter™ - Last Update June 15, 2021

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1. Can it be the Director - ESTJ?

The Director is the Border Collie

General Principles to follow: Connecting with the Director means taking the time to prove that you are trustworthy and authentic. This pattern does not spare time for anyone who has a hint of manipulative or dishonest energy. Trust can be established by making commitments and following through on them, being honest about your scruples and staying level-headed in the face of difficulty. If a deeper or stronger connection with a Director is desired, then get involved with their goals. Ask them about their hopes and see if there is a way to contribute! For example, if they are planning a garage sale, ask to put price tags on things. Often they bond with others through work projects or causes that serve their communities. But that does not mean that they do not also like to play. Many enjoy gathering with friends to watch sports events, do recreational activities or even just go out to a good restaurant.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Working on a task together.
π Meeting up for a meal or coffee together.
π Helping them with a practical task.
π Doing a recreational activity together (kayaking, fishing, Frisbee, etc,.).
π Going to a movie or concert together.
π Camping or have a bonfire together.
π Sharing practical tips to everyday problems together.
π Cooking or baking together.
π Supporting each other in a cause or community service.
π Asking their advice and listening respectfully to their thoughts.
π Competitive activities like games or sports.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Dishonesty or manipulation.
π Disrupting their plans.
π Being late to planned events or meetings.
π Being emotionally hypersensitive.
π Bending things they say and taking them out of context.
π Being wishy-washy.
π Laziness or procrastination.
π Being passive-aggressive or giving the silent treatment instead of addressing problems directly.

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2. Can it be the Developer - ENTJ?

The Developer is the German Shepherd

General Principles to follow: Connecting with a Developer means cutting past a lot of the small-talk that other types need to get comfortable. They hate wasting time on pretense or chit-chat; they usually have a hundred things they need or want to do, so having something interesting to say or do is essential. They usually connect by sharing goals or ideas with others. Highly ambitious, they enjoy discussing their hopes and objectives and hearing about others’ hopes as well. They also enjoy probing the more abstract depths of life; is there an interesting new theory that you have discovered? Have you learned something new about the nature of the universe or the human mind? Bring these topics up! They are curious about the world and are drawn to intellectual topics of conversation. They often connect over activities and projects as well; particularly if those projects have to do with a shared value. Volunteering for a cause can be a great way to really get to know a Developer's heart.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Discuss your goals and objectives for the future.
π Watch a TED Talk together.
π Share life-changing thoughts from the books you have read or podcasts you have listened to recently.
π Play a strategy game together.
π Volunteer for a cause that is close to your hearts.
π Do something recreational and challenging (rock climbing, white-water rafting, or an obstacle course, etc,.)

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Filling time with chit-chat or small-talk that has no real future purpose.
π Texting excessively about mundane things.
π Being emotionally needy or clingy.
π Being manipulative or dishonest.
π Not having shared values.
π Being disinterested in discussing theoretical or abstract topics.
π Being disinterested in personal growth or hard work.
π Complaining.
π Being lazy or undependable.
π Showing up late to a planned meeting.

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3. Can it be the Results - ESTP?

The Results is the Jack Russell Terrier

General Principles to follow: Connecting with a Results means getting off the couch and actually doing something interactive. That could mean taking a walk or it could mean attending a concert! For the Results, life is meaningful when it is filled with interactivity and action. You will get to know them better when you do something with them rather than just talk at them. Discussion becomes easier when they have something to do with their hands – whether they are driving, playing a game or even cooking! Connect over fun experiences, daring challenges or intellectual exchanges of interesting facts and ideas.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Playing a game together (tabletop, card or video game).
π Going to an event together (concert, show, etc,.).
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Swapping jokes and have a good sense of humour.
π Cooking or baking something together (be willing to experiment instead of strictly following a recipe!).
π Playing at an old-fashioned arcade.
π Doing something creative together.
π Learning how something works together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Phony or manipulative behaviour.
π Taking yourself too seriously.
π Not having a sense of humor.
π Being too sedentary.
π Being self-righteous or punitive.
π Being illogical or over-reactive emotionally.
π Being impractical.
π Being overbearing or pushy.
π Over-scheduling their time.

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4. Can it be the Inspirational - ENTP?

The Inspirational is the Bull Terrier

General Principles to follow: Connecting with an Inspirational means entering a brain space where there are no rules or limits to what can be explored. They enjoy debating theories, hypothesizing about possibilities or doing things that challenge them mentally. Through these intellectual exercises, they are able to then open up and discuss more personal matters over time. They want to feel connected to others and they enjoy warm and energetic interactions. Having a sense of humour, fun and possibility is crucial. People who are too uptight or focussed on doing things “by the book” can get on their nerves.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Playing a tabletop strategy game.
π Brainstorming ideas and possibilities.
π Taking a class together.
π Practicing a new skill together (archery, programming, even cooking!).
π Debating a controversial topic together (without fear of offense).
π Going to a comedy club together/doing something that will make you laugh.
π Putting together a puzzle and talking.
π Playing a video game together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Limiting their ability to brainstorm or think outside the box.
π Being narrow-minded or quick to judge.
π Being hypersensitive (too easy to offend).
π Being manipulative or dishonest.
π Not having a sense of humor.
π Having a “holier than thou” attitude.
π Spending an inordinate amount of time explaining details that are insignificant in the big picture.

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5. Can it be the Persuader - ENFJ?

The Persuader is the Boxer

General Principles to follow: The Persuader connects with others through meaningful conversation and activities. For some, this means discussing topics like religion, psychology or ethics. For others, it means helping out in a soup kitchen or cleaning beaches and parks to make a positive impact on the world. The truth is, they want to share their insights with others and hear others’ insights and perspectives as well. They want to know the background reasons that people think and act in the ways that they do. They enjoy watching movies and discussing what was meaningful about the movie, or listening to songs and exploring why the song made them feel a certain way. That said, they also enjoy connecting over fun, light-hearted activities such as dancing, concerts or recreation. Mixing up a meaningful conversation with some fun, action-oriented activities keeps things exciting and interesting for them.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Watching movies and discussing them afterward.
π Going for long drives and talking.
π Playing a tabletop social game.
π Doing a fun sensory activity - dancing, going to a concert or cooking together.
π Making inspiration boards or mapping out goals together.
π Having vulnerable, raw, heart-to-heart conversations.
π Volunteering for a cause together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Manipulativeness or dishonesty.
π Judgmental behavior.
π Disinterest in personal growth or in-depth discussion.
π Tactlessness or insensitivity.
π Hypersensitivity (getting too easily offended).
π Lack of shared values.
π Cold, secretive behavior.
π Inability to see things from others’ perspectives.

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6. Can it be the Appraiser - ESFJ

The Appraiser is the Great Dane

General Principles to follow: Connecting with an Appraiser means sharing each other’s values or at least trying to understand them. It means remembering special occasions, respecting their traditions and making traditions of your own together. Creating meaningful routines and celebrations helps them to feel an ever-growing bond with you. This could be as simple as getting coffee together every Monday morning or as complex as forming a charity for a cause that lies close to your hearts. Mostly, they need to feel that their friends and relationships are there for them to discuss feelings and thoughts openly. Tactfulness, openness, friendliness and dependability are crucial.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Conversation over a meal or coffee.
π Texting and asking questions about their day (without being overbearing).
π Helping them with a practical task.
π Supporting each other in a cause or community service.
π Watching movies together.
π Listening to each other’s favourite songs.
π Playing a social tabletop game like Apples to Apples or Telestrations.
π Camping or having a bonfire together.
π Sharing practical tips and solutions to everyday problems.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being secretive or withholding.
π Being tactless or inconsiderate.
π Being late or disrespecting their time.
π Disrupting their plans.
π Taking them for granted.
π Showing little interest/concern for others.
π Being wishy-washy or moody.
π Being lazy or undependable.

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7. Can it be the Promoter - ENFP?

The Promoter is the Golden Retriever

General Principles to follow: The Promoter connects through exploring ideas and possibilities with other individuals. To get to know them means to embark on a journey to vivid, hypothetical worlds where anything can happen. To connect, you have to be willing to imagine and think outside the box. You cannot connect if you are constantly trying to get off the train and run back to the world of the “known.” Anything that provides a sense of possibility will excite the Promoter. Brainstorming, reading a new book together, driving somewhere you have never been, making art; anything that sparks creativity and imagination is a hit. At the same time, being real and authentic is crucial. They are quick to sniff out any hint of pretense or manipulation. They need to be able to trust you before they can connect with you.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Watching movies or TV shows together and discussing them afterward.
π Reading together.
π Taking a road trip somewhere new.
π Going thrift store shopping to find weird, original, or forgotten treasures.
π Creating art together.
π Playing! Do laser tag, build an elaborate sandcastle or drive some go-karts!.
π Take a class together.
π Share bucket list ideas.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being closed-minded or judgmental.
π Managing their time for them.
π Being too nosy or meddling.
π Shutting down their ideas.
π Trying to make them behave a certain way.
π Being unwilling to experiment or try new things.
π Being inconsiderate or overly-critical.

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8. Can it be the Counselor - ESFP

The Counselor is the Poodle

General Principles to follow: Connecting with the Counselor means allowing them to get to know you through shared experiences and adventures. Go to the beach, attend a concert, volunteer together or take a last-minute trip to somewhere new and exciting. They appreciate people who show them something new and live it up in the moment with them. They also bond with people over authentic, real, honest communication. Do not try to pretend to be anything you are not with a Counselor – they will usually know.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Sharing favorite music/songs together.
π Trying new, unusual restaurants.
π Playing social tabletop games together.
π Doing volunteer work together.
π Having a movie marathon together (complete with snacks).
π Doing something recreational (rock climbing, dancing, kayaking, etc,.).
π Driving around and talking while listening to music.
π Making pizzas together with your own unique/favourite toppings.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Dishonesty/manipulation.
π Narrow-mindedness or quick judgments.
π Critical, harsh words.
π Making too many demands on their time.
π Overwhelming them with numerous texts/calls.
π Being unaware of what is relevant in a conversation.
π Expecting them to make commitments to things very quickly.
π Unwillingness to try new things.

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9. Can it be the Specialist - ISFP

The Specialist is the Saint Bernard

General Principles to follow: Connection with the Specialist is forged during those quiet, trusting moments when there is no pressure to be “on” for anyone. When they can be truly themselves in the stillness and not have to pretend or meet any unsaid expectations. Connection also forms during intimate conversations, shared songs and experiences that make the heart race. For the Specialist, hours of chit-chat are rarely where the connection happens. Sharing a playlist, driving beneath the stars or being creative with someone will always have more impact. Even more, doing something that aligns with one of their deeply-held values will create a bond.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Listening to music together.
π Doing a creative project together.
π Watching a movie or television series together.
π Participating in a cause together (volunteering, helping teaching).
π Doing a low-key recreational activity together while talking.
π Making music together, even if you do not know how to play any instruments.
π Trying new foods together or baking and cooking together.
π Playing tourist in your hometown together.
π Having a spa night together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Manipulative or dishonest behaviour.
π Narrow-mindedness or quick judgments.
π Critical, harsh words.
π Overly-scheduled time.
π Being pressured to “be” something for others.
π Pushiness or micro-managing.
π Hypocrisy.
π Disinterest in their feelings or projects.
π Negativity and pessimism.

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10. Can it be the Investigator - INFJ?

The Investigator is the Greyhound

General Principles to follow: Connecting with an Investigator means being honest, open-minded and curious. They crave intellectual as well as empathic data – Who are you? What do you care about? What matters to you? What thoughts tickle your imagination and make you curious? Being friendly and warm helps them to feel comfortable with you, but you will really get to know them through thought-provoking conversations and sharing feelings and values. Low-pressure activities and comforting routines can help them to relax and connect emotionally without feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Discussing favourite books and movies.
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Enjoying calming sensory activities together like gardening, baking or bird-watching.
π Playing “The Question Game” and asking thought-provoking, deep questions.
π Taking a class together.
π Perusing a library or bookstore together.
π Volunteering for a cause together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being narrow-minded or quick to judge.
π Limiting their imagination or belittling their ideas.
π Being too loud, showy or attention-seeking.
π Over-scheduling or managing their time.
π Being manipulative or dishonest.
π Being too secretive/reserved and not sharing your feelings.
π Being passive-aggressive instead of directly airing grievances.
π Being short-tempered and moody.

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11. Can it be the Agent - INFP?

The Agent is the Tibetan Terrier

General Principles to follow: Moving slowly with the Agent is important. They will shy away from people who seem overly pushy, nosy or inquisitive. At the same time, they crave relationships and friendships that are intimate and authentic. Giving space while at the same time being real is crucial. They connect when they see that they can trust you and you are genuine. They connect when you take off the “social mask” and express your honest thoughts and feelings.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Listening to favorite songs together.
π Making art together (music, sculpture, drawing, painting etc,.).
π Talking about your favourite books in detail.
π Watching each other’s favorite movies.
π Volunteering for a cause together.
π Finding “comfort routines” together like making tea, meeting up for breakfast, going to the library, or other quiet, low-pressure activities.
π Going to a thrift store and finding forgotten treasures together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being too nosy, clingy or meddling.
π Labelling them/making assumptions.
π Managing their time for them.
π Being tactless or inconsiderate.
π Manipulating or having ulterior motives.
π Making quick judgments about people.
π Being narrow-minded.
π Limiting their imagination.

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12. Can it be the Achiever - ISTP?

The Achiever is the Bassett Hound

General Principles to follow: Connecting with an Achiever may seem tricky at first because of their more reserved demeanour. But if you can look past that, many enjoy getting to know others through shared interests and recreational activities. If you want to connect with them, be sure to take an active interest in what they are learning about or tinkering with. Are they a gamer? Perhaps you could swap stories from your games or try a game together. Do they enjoy playing sport? Maybe there is a sport you could play or watch together! The key for the Achiever is to engage their senses. Do not just sit and make chit-chat for hours on end (yawn). They would rather get to know people through an activity with chatting on the side. Also, do not take yourself too seriously – they appreciate people who are down-to-earth and casual.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Do something recreational together (fishing, kayaking, Frisbee, rock climbing, etc,.).
π Play a game together.
π Cook together.
π Go to the beach, hiking or any other outdoor space.
π Play a video game together remotely.
π Watch a movie together.
π Go to a concert together.
π Play cards and make conversation at the same time.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being too nosy or meddling.
π Scheduling their time for them.
π Making too many demands on their time.
π Being uptight or too formal.
π Having no sense of humour.
π Being hypersensitive.
π Having no sense of adventure.
π Doing things by the book too much.
π Lack of interest in knowledge or learning.
π Manipulative or cloying behaviour.

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13. Can it be the Practitioner - ISFJ?

The Practitioner is the Alaskan Malamute

General Principles to follow: Connecting with a Practitioner starts with honesty and consistency. Show that you are someone they can trust by being authentic and living up to your commitments. Give them personal space, do not push or pressure them and find low-key activities to do together. Some friendly small talk can help them get comfortable with you, paving the way for more in-depth and intimate discussion. Smile often, have a sense of humour and show up on time to scheduled outings. Respect their time while being attentive and understanding. These are all ways to put them at ease and connect over shared activities.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Cracking friendly jokes.
π Smiling and exuding warmth and friendliness.
π Being tactful and polite.
π Starting a conversation with small talk and veering into deeper discussion with time.
π Taking a class together.
π Discussing favorite books and movies.
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Doing low-key sensory activities together like gardening, hiking, baking or bird watching.
π Spending time in nature together.
π Asking about their interests and listening and asking questions.
π Doing a service project together (cleaning the beach or park, helping at an animal shelter, etc,.)

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being insensitive or tactless.
π Being too quiet/reserved and making them do the conversational heavy-lifting.
π Being hypersensitive/too quick to offend.
π Asking deeply personal questions too quickly.
π Belittling their interests.
π Being late.
π Being too loud, showy or attention-seeking.
π Over-scheduling their time.
π Calling them “too sensitive” or dismissing their feelings.
π Being secretive/withholding.
π Irresponsibility.

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14. Can it be the Objective Thinker - ISTJ?

The Objective Thinker is the Bernese Mountain Dog

General Principles to follow: Connecting with the Objective Thinker means proving yourself honest, dependable and loyal. These types do not open up readily with people until trust has been established. Creating that bond of trust comes from sharing experiences together. Actions speak louder than words to this pattern. This means making plans together and being there on time every time. It means putting your phone down when you are together and really listening to what they have to say. It means treating people considerately even when it is difficult. It also means being authentic and honest, sometimes about vulnerable things. When it comes to activities, they enjoy discussing their interests and hobbies in-depth with people who are interested. You can also connect with them by discussing favorite books, perusing a library together or doing something recreational.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Take an interest in their work, career or hobbies.
π Discuss your favourite books and/or movies.
π Do a quiet recreational activity together (fishing, hiking, boating, etc,.).
π Go antique hunting or thrift store shopping to see what interesting things you can find.
π Go geocaching together!
π Have a picnic and watch the sunrise together.
π Bake or cook something together.
π Spend time in nature together and notice the details.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Emotional over-reactions.
π Dishonesty or manipulation.
π Impracticality.
π Prying too much early on in the friendship/relationship.
π Dismissing/invalidating their experiences.
π Being late to a planned meeting.
π Being wishy-washy or undependable.
π Being inconsiderate or insensitive to others.

15. Can it be the Perfectionist - INTP?

The Perfectionist is the Papillon

General Principles to follow: Connecting with the Perfectionist means being willing to start with the head before the heart on most occasions. These types enjoy exploring ideas, testing theories and learning how the world works. Connecting can be as simple as watching a TED Talk together or as fun as creating personalized song playlists for each other. While they may seem reserved and analytical, they also crave warm, easy-going connections. People who exude friendliness and authenticity are deeply special to them. Sometimes they just are not given a chance because people shy away from their more serious, introverted demeanor. Forming a bond means reaching across the silence to show them you actually care about what goes on in their mind.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Peruse a library together.
π Take a class together.
π Listen to each other’s favorite songs or watch each other’s favorite movies.
π Ask them how something works and get into the details together.
π Drive somewhere you have never been before.
π Be patient when they are thinking of a response to a question.
π Be comfortable with silence – realize it is not a sign of disinterest.
π Make them laugh and engage with them in a friendly way.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Manipulativeness or dishonesty.
π Narrow-mindedness.
π Hyper-sensitive emotional reactions.
π Poor listening skills.
π Being pushy or overbearing.
π Not being able to discuss abstract or theoretical matters.
π Over-scheduling their time.
π Overwhelming them with text messages early in the friendship/relationship.

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16. Can it be the Enhancer - INTJ?

The Enhancer is the Afghan Hound

General Principles to follow: Connecting with the Enhancer often starts in the mind before it starts in the heart. This pattern shies away from rapid-fire questioning or people who seem overly intrusive or nosy. They enjoy discussing ideas, theories and insights more than they enjoy chit-chat or small talk. Sometimes they also connect over shared causes or recreational activities. They can enjoy tapping into their Extraverted Sensing side with others through playing games, going to concerts or doing a physical activity such as kayaking or fishing (depending on the Enhancer of course.

Activities That Encourage Connection:
π Discussing your favorite books.
π Listening to each other’s favorite songs.
π Taking a class together.
π Playing strategy games together.
π Joining a book club together.
π Doing a recreational activity together (kayaking, fishing, sports, table tennis, etc,.).
π If you are already friends or in a relationship, do something like start a garden and tend to it together.
π Wander nature together.

Activities That Discourage Connection:
π Being too nosey, clingy or meddling.
π Scheduling their time for them.
π Surprising them unexpectedly.
π Being hypersensitive.
π Manipulating or having ulterior motives.
π Dwelling on small-talk excessively.
π Showing little interest in theories or abstract ideas.
π Being closed-minded.
π Lack of interest in personal growth.

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